Amelia’s nimble fingers were moving from bead to bead on her necklace, using them as somewhat of a rosary as she counted breaths, inhaling and exhaling for each over-sized orb she held between her fingers. It was a slow process, and one she would have had trouble explaining to anyone else, but it was succeeding in keeping her mind focused on the one thing she needed to do until students arrived. Her students. She had planned the lesson, prepared a homework assignment, and gone over the class list. Except she wished she hadn’t done that last thing, because there were a few names on the roster that had only added to her nerves.
And as if on cue from that thought, the door to the dungeon classroom squeaked slowly open and Amelia looked up from her necklace to catch sight of the person who’s name had given her most cause for worry. Elijah Krum. She saw him before he saw her, and her breath caught in her throat, breathing exercises deserted as she watched the long-haired Slytherin who had turned her world upside down with the promise of a new one investigated the hinges of the door.
Over the years, Amelia had felt a good deal of emotions toward Elijah. She had been interested and overwhelmed by him, frustrated and angry, and she had struggled to be ambivalent about him. And, of course, there was the emotion she had tried to forget she had once held for him: love. Admitting that weak emotion, especially in light of what had happened, meant failure to Amelia, and so she never said it aloud, and thanked her lucky stars every day she had never said anything like that to the boy himself, who had finally looked up to catch sight of his new professor.
Their eyes met briefly, Amelia’s heart hammering nervously in anticipation of what Elijah’s reaction would be, but it was Elijah who broke the gaze first. His eyes darted around the room, then closed tightly, as if hoping she might disappear in the time between blinks. But when he opened his eyes and took a few steps forward, it was still a redheaded former Ravenclaw standing at the front of the room, still mentally reminding herself to breathe.
She had known, taking this position, that she would be faced with situations like these: encountering students who would have a hard time thinking of her as a professor instead of a peer. But Elijah’s case would be by far the hardest. At one point, Amelia and Elijah had been in a relationship, and it was the only time Amelia had ever let her guard down for that purpose. Elijah had convinced her to let down her guard, and then proceeded to fire cannons on her as soon as she was exposed. It was a betrayal for which she still had not forgiven him.
It was tempting, now that she had actual power over him, to take back some of the pride Elijah had stolen from her. Elijah had never much cared for his coursework, but his parents certainly did, and if she wanted to make things difficult for him, Amelia finally had that power. She had never had any way to hurt Eiljah when they had been peers; he would have needed to genuinely care about her in order for her to hurt him, and Amelia was convinced that any real care Elijah had had for her was long gone as soon as slept with Chase Moor and got a daughter out of the deal.
But as tempting as it was, Amelia was not a vindictive person. As much as a part of her wanted to stick it to Elijah in revenge for what he put her through, a much bigger part couldn’t intentionally inflict that kind of pain on another human being. And anyway, she had spent so much time in the past year or so convincing herself that Elijah wasn’t worth her time or energy; putting him through hell now would be a direct contradiction to the measured ambivalence she had been honing in order to inch him out of her life.
He was certainly in her life now, though, and Amelia was practicing every bit of self-control she possessed as Elijah removed his coat and stated the obvious. Her lips pressed into a thin line as she bit back a sarcastic remark about all the things Elijah never told her, or told her too late – I am pursuing other girls, I am going to be a father, I never really intended to keep any of my promises to you – and instead waiting for Elijah to finish his thought.
“We weren’t exactly on the best of terms,” Amelia said simply, after Elijah admitted she wouldn’t really have had any reason to tell him anything about her life, “And it was only a matter of time before you found out anyway.”
Subconsciously, Amelia crossed her arms over her chest, a defensive gesture she made whenever Elijah was around, as though protecting her once-wounded heart from the boy who had done so much damage. Elijah finished removing his coat and slung it over a chair, trying out her new title. The words had sounded strange when Amelia said them to herself, but when Elijah said them, it was even worse. His tone was a formal one, save perhaps for the last comment, and it was a testament to how much their relationship had changed when Amelia found his formality fitting. In a year, their only exchanged had been brief and forced, and now, with her a professor and he a student, it seemed they would never branch out from that again. Amelia tried to force a smile, but it came out rueful. Perhaps it was for the best.
“Potions was the position offered to me,” Amelia said simply, uncrossing her arms and placing her palms on the desk beside her hips, “Which I am certain Headmaster Doyle had a hand in. But also, potions is a beautiful subject with a lot of potential. I have always appreciated the balance it provides between straightforward instructions, and opportunities for development. New potions are invented yearly, and old ones are improved upon with the discovery of different ingredients, or improved quality of known ingredients.
“In short, potions is not a stagnant subject, and it is that boundless potential that drew me to the subject,” Amelia finished, biting her tongue against adding ”And it means I get to teach you,” in a sarcastic manner. Shooting scathing remarks at Elijah might have been fine when they were classmates, but now that the power dynamic had changed, each comment she made to him held different weight, and so far, it was not a weight she was willing to throw around thoughtlessly.