Will You Hate Me Now?

Jack wished this was not all so.. cute. It pained her to bring up such subjects at a picnic. She had asked to speak with Chase because she had some terrible news, but Chase had gone crazy thinking about what they could do to hang out- she was still excited from graduation from the night before, whereas Jack was still exhausted from having to be braver than Gryffidnor house had ever prepared her to be.

Jack had actually been early.. And when she had realized as much, she had gone for a walk. And then it had been time to head back.. and now her nerve was faltering. So she walked to a nearby store and bought a soda, which she downed by the time she reached the park Chase had told her to meet her at. Chase was already there, setting up the picnic.

Jack sighed and threw the soda can into a nearby trashcan and steeled herself for Chase's sunny and happy disposition, which would only make this a lot more difficult. She ran a hand through her hair and reached out to open the gate to the park, slipping inside and closing it behind her. She looked around, realizing that they were- luckily- alone and strode over to Chase.

"Hey Chase," she said, trying to sound as normal as possible. She sat down at the blanket Chase had set down and looked around, taking in the view, giving Chase her time to babble away. "Looks nice." She waited. trying to steel up her nerves as she had when she had tried to tell Ari. That had been hard too. "Hey, Chase? I.. I need to talk to you about something."

A picnic! Jack had finally decided to let go of everything for a change and let Chase go on a picnic with her! She had gotten everything set up, the basket, the blanket, the food, the drinks. Plates, silverware, it was all there for her and her best friend to have a great picnic together! She was excited, and couldn't help but giggle at just about everything as she set up the picnic in the park. She wasn't expecting Jack for a while, but was surprised when she came up, right when Chase was in the middle of getting everything settled down, and getting things pulled out and set up for them to eat. "Oh! Jack! Welcome!" She said, standing up and curtsying deeply. She giggled. "I made us a picnic! So happy you could join!" She said sitting back down again with a soft giggle, and pulling stuff out of her basket.

Not to long ago, Chase had been a completely different person.. well she had always been cheerful and a complete airhead.. but now it was like her life had finally turned the right way up, and crying was a thing of the past. Even though it had really only been not to long ago this transformation had been made. It was Chase as she naturally was here, sitting with Jack, a cute summer dress on, and flip flops discarded a little ways away from the blanket. The picnic had some really delicious looking food in it, and ice cold drinks kept cold with a spell on them. Dripping moisture in the heat of the day. She was babbling along about nothing in particular, as Chase normally did, and was pulling out a plate for Jack, and a drink, and other necessities to have a picnic.

"How are you and Ari doing?" She asked grinning at Jack. "I saw you at Graduation with him! Your lucky! Just the other day I was talking to Calvin, and was telling him how happy I was that you could find someone you thought was nice, and was able to get to know better, because it really is a great thing, liking someone.. I didn't realize how happy it really could make you! I mean sure I was happy before.. but never this happy! I always felt held back if you know what I mean, but now I can just be myself.. and if I'm not.. well that's a bad thing these days!" She giggled and looked at Jack happily, her smile fading when Jack spoke.

"Of course Jack.. you can tell me anything." She said, leaning forward and giving Jack her complete attention.

Jack grimaced, a strange, twisted smile on her face, not reaching her eyes as her hear pounded like mad. She was hollowed out, a shell, nothing inside her except that hammering heart which beat againat the fragile exterior. she imagined cracks being created at the point of impact, fracturing and spreading cracks all of her body, about to shatter her into nonexistence..

Chase asked about Jack and Ari and Jack barked a laugh before looking down, summing it up with the word, "Fine." To go in to how they really were was to reveal her reason for speaking with Chase. She did not even refute the assumption that they were together. Jack and Ari did not really set out to define things, and if people were going to do it, what could they do to stop it. "We're fine." she repeated.

Chase assured Jack she had her full attention and Jack nodded. She crossed her legs and said, "So.. when I was a kid.. I was the way I am now- you know.. mean. 'Cause I didn't really have any friends or family that really loved me. I barely knew my uncle or my cousin. Myy brother had his friends. Didn't get along with my parents and I didn't like people my age. I was only eleven, and I was lonely and said and angry and bitter. And I was different. I could do magic, but my parents just thought I was a freak." She chewed her lip.

"I got my letter and I thought everything would change, you know? That I would go to this school, and be normal, and make friends, and be a normal kid. And my parents would be proud. But they weren't. They thought I was a freak. I had already used my own money to buy all of my stuff- I didn't even care that I had been called a Mudblood in Diagon, 'cause I didn't know what it was. It hurt.. but I knew Hogwarts would make up for it."

She paused again. "My parents said I couldn't go. And locked me up in my room. It was.. the worst memory I had as a kid. It broke my heart. And I got frustrated. I broke stuff, hit walls, cried, screamed.. And something happened but I didn't know about it."

She closed her eyes and took a few steadying breaths before opening her eyes. "Have I confused you yet?" She shook her head. "You remember the battle? Well... Vito showed up. And he saved me.. but then I challenged him. And.. long story short, he stabbed me in the stomach. And I tackled him, so he had blood on him. He eventually left and I went to Satan's- we had a lot to talk about, y'know? And when I got there.. He was bleeding. On his stomach. It wasn't my blood, it was his too. And the gash was the exact same."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I got him mad. And he tried to stop himself, but he stabbed my shoulder. And then his shoulder started bleeding. He had the same gash. And he put it together. Because he was created seven years ago. And he never started caring for me until I started caring for him. And everytime he was closest to getting rid of me.. he would get weaker. And.. And I'm sorry Chase. I never meant it. I didn't know." Her voice was full of genuine pain, the guilt and apology prominent, her eyes shining.

Chase listened to Jack speak, and was pretty confused. Where was she going with this? But she listened intently, wanting to know more about Jack, shocked at how she had been treated as a child, ashamed at not knowing this sooner. She didn't know what it was like.. having a family who didn't understand magic.. she had grown up a pureblood.. never had those kind of problems... magic had just been normal to them all.. along with the muggle side of life, it had all blended together smoothly, and yet.. here was Jack, a girl totally able in magic, a girl who had nearly been abused as a child! Her parents telling her she wasn't going to Hogwarts. Chase just stared at her hands in her lap, unsure of what to say.

But then Jack started to bring up Vito.. and being stabbed. At that Chase's head shot up. "You were stabbed?! Twice?!" Chase was astonished. Why hadn't she told Chase?! Why hadn't she let her help!? But what Jack said next didn't make sense to Chase. She shook her head, looking at Jack, confused. "I.. I don't understand.." she said carefully, trying to piece together what she said. "He got the same wou..wounds you had... but.. what does that mean Jack?" Chase looked at Jack, confused at her apology, confused at the whole situation. But somewhere inside of Chase, she knew what it meant..

Chase knew how poltergeists were made.. she had found out straight from Vito, but she also studied them a bit more now that she had to HELP them at the Ministry.. so she knew how they were made, and why. People like Vito were made solely out of the hate of others.. people who had so much hate, it created them.. very often, the person got over their hate.. if that happened, the Poltergeist disappeared, but... if the poltergeist killed the person who had created them... which they very often did... Chase stared at Jack and then very quickly looked away. It was as though the sunshine was dimmer, as though it wasn't quite real. Jack.. and Vito. Jack had... CREATED him? Jack had MADE the man who had.. had killed her family...

Chase put her hand over her mouth, and stared off into the distance, away from Jack. Unsure of how this made her feel. Jack had created the person who had basically turned her whole life inside out.. but... Chase was an optimist... and sometimes, that really did help. "I feel like a horrible person Jack.." She said slowly, her eyes very carefully tuning towards Jack. "But... " Chase looked at Jack, confusion obvious on her face. "Thank you?" She said it so quietly it was barely heard, and yet she stared at Jack, obviously confused by her own response, and yet.. completely standing behind what she said.

Jack stared at Chase and felt something inside her shatter. She had hoped beyond all hope that Ariel would not hate her, that would tell her it was okay, that she was not terrible.. But she almost felt.. disappointed by Chase's reaction. That shattering was not the shattering of an assumption... the shattering withing her was the shattering of her last hope.

If Chase could not hate her, then why did strangers hate her? If Chase could not hate Jack for everything that Jack had done to her, then how could it be that Jack hated enough to create someone, someone who was as bad as Vito? Surely, Chase had realized that if it had not been for Jack.. her family would still be alive. Her life would be normal.

Chase was not heartless. She had demonstrated many loud and teary times the great depths her emotions could reach. If she had realized this, she should have felt some terrible emotions towards Jack. And Jack should have felt it. The anger and hatred and bitterness and resentment should have been so great that hse had felt it.

She stared at her. "You don't hate me?"

Chase stared in front of her for a long moment, trying to collect her thoughts. "Jack.. I miss my family.." She said carefully, now unable to even glance at Jack. "I do miss them, I don't deny that.. but Jack.. it may seem bad.. it may have seemed bad... but.. they are somewhere happier now... somewhere.. where they can continue doing what they loved doing in life... my mother will keep her business up.. my father will twirl around the kitchen singing..." Chase let her hand run through her short hair, and slowly she let her eyes rest on Jack.

"But.. if that hadn't of happened.. where would we be now Jack? I wouldn't have met you... I wouldn't have met Andrew, or Elijah... I wouldn't have had my daughter.. or finally realized where I was happiest... I wouldn't have run into Calvin in the first place.. So.. no Jack.. I don't hate you... and I don't understand.." Chase turned to look at Jack, confusion, sorrow, and nearly a hint of fear in her eyes. "Why does everyone wish I hated them? Is it a bad thing that I don't want to hate you Jack? Is it bad that I want you to be happy too? I want you to see what it's like! To have your heart soar up into your throat.. unable to do anything but smile.." Chase looked at Jack, and shook her head.

"Everyone tells me that I should hate.. they tell me I should have hated Sterling, for kissing the woman who scarred me.. when he was dating me.. in front of me. They tell me I should have hated jesse for walking out on me when I needed him most.. that I should have hated Daniel for wanting to be with me when I was at my weakest.. I should hate Andrew, I should hate Elijah.. I should hate you! But Jack I just can't! I can't do it! I've told people this over and over, and I just can't! Can't you understand that Jack?! People try and make me hate them and I just can't!" Chase was upset now, her hand up in her hair, pulling on it slightly.

"I've been hurt physically and mentally.. I've been pushed, pulled, manipulated, and hurt.. but Jack.. the last thing I've ever thought about is hating the person who caused it.. I just DON'T... Is it a sin.. to not hate? Is it a bad thing? Tell me Jack! Tell me why I should hate you!"

Jack sat there, and though she was stunned, that was not the only emotion stirring and boiling beneath her surface. For some reason.. anger was stirring. This was her last chance. It was like Chase was her very last chance- she did not know for what but somehow that was how she felt. Chase was her last excuse not to felt terrible.

Chase demanded to know why she hated her and Jack dtood to her feet. "Because! I f*cking killed your family and obviously, I don't care! What the hell have I done to rectify it? Because I hate rich purebloods, because they have everything I don't, and that was what they were! Because I didn't treat you like a friend! Because I never wanted you with Andrew, or Elijah! Because I think your baby was a mistake! Because I almost got you killed! Because I didn't save you! Because typically I hate people like you- naive Huffers who think everybody is good when you get down to it. Who think there's always a glimmer of goodness, who giggle and flirt and care about stupid fading things like clothes and people's opinions! Is THAT enough? Is that enough to hate me, yet? Huh? HUH?! Because if you can't hate me, then why the hell can I hate people who I barely know? How can I, the person who cares so much for a murderous poltergeist to the point where it hurts, hate enough to create him in the first place? How is it that you can't hate me while I can hate myself to no end. How can-"

She stopped.

What?

She stared at Chase for a second, stunned to silence. She shook her head and pointed her finger at Chase. "You're mental," she whispered, her voice heavy and quavering, before she turned and walked away, intent on leaving.

Chase stared at Jack as she started to get angry. Angry at her.. yelling.. and in her head.. a yelled conversation similar to this one was running through her head. One in the kitchens of Hogwarts.. only then.. it had been for not the same reasons. Suddenly Jack was on her feet.. yelling at Chase, and Chase slowly stood up, and looked at Jack, puffing out her chest, glaring at her. Suddenly she pushed Jack, and stared at her. "Fine! FINE! Do you want me to hate you! Do you want me to act just like you then?! Do you want me to be tough, and go out looking for ways to kill myself! This is the way I act Jack! Why? Because I've been through enough and I feel like maybe just once I deserve a little happiness!" Jaw clenched, fists at her sides, she stared at Jack, huffing.

"Sure! I get angry... I get upset Jack.. I swear I can hate people! I mean, there are plenty of people to hate aren't there? But where would I be if I decided that I should just hate the world? Huh? I'd be a hermit in the middle of nowhere! I want to be HAPPY Jack! And so I act happy! I'm not mental.. I'm not.. I'm not stupid! You look at me like I'm stupid! Like I don't understand what you and the rest of the world think about me! I see it all! I'm NOT STUPID!" Chase could feel herself shaking, anger burning through her veins. "So okay.. I don't hate you.. why? Because there are LOT worse people to hate in the world.. you say I should hate you because you didn't save me? But Jack You did! You DID save me Jack! A few more hours and I would have Died on the streets!"

"I hate Felix Barker, I hate Nerezza... I hate people who hurt me directly.. okay, so you hate pureblooded families, well guess what! I'm not rich anymore! I'm with a half blood! I've never wanted to be a rich little pureblood! Most of them don't! So you hate us for no reason! We all have our opinions Jack! It's just how we express them that makes us differ! I'm not stupid.. I'm not mental... I just am a very good actress!" Chase was huffing, but was slowly calming down, her hands relaxing at her sides. "I'm sorry..." She said carefully, taking a step back away from Jack, and looking down at her hands. There was a lot there she hadn't realized would come out.. and now.. well, she was almost afraid of Jack's reaction.

Chase blew up, which was what Jack had wanted intially. Jack would have pushed anyone else back, but call it her stupid logic, she did not think it was right to hit a girl. Jack was not a normal girl and she almost had to follow the guy's code of ethics. She had more balls than most guys but she was also not a prick- she realized that of she pushed Chase.. Chase would fall over. Chase pushed her, but failed to realize how stocky Jack really was, and barely made Jack stumble back an inch. Beating practice paid off.

She asked if she wanted Jack to hate her and Jack bellowed back, "YES!" That was honestly what she wanted, because then Jack would not be the scum of the earth, and Chase could be better, she could be rid of Jack, she could be safe and so much better off than before she had ever met Jack. Jack was certain everyone would be better off.

"But where would I be if I decided that I should just hate the world? Huh? I'd be a hermit in the middle of nowhere!" Jack shook her head, throwing her arms up and saying in a strangled, almost (ALMOST) hysterical voice, "NOPE! YOU'D BE ME!" She shook her head, dropping her hands so that they swung to her side, knowing it was true.

"I have hurt you directly! I've never called you stupid but you're being stupid right now! I created the man who created the death of your family! How more direct can you get!" She continued on and Jack nodded. "Yeah! You're acting, alright. Acting like a damn fool!"

Chase stared at Jack, knowing that this was getting nowhere. She took a step forward, and grabbed Jack by the shoulders, looking into her eyes. "Jack... listen to me! I. Don't. Hate. You. And apparently that's the complete opposite of what you want! Jack! Why can't you just see! Just see that there are people who want to HELP you! We want to help you be happy, we want to help you.. and you won't let us!" Chase stared directly at Jack, and couldn't help it.. her eyes were burning. She was shaking she could tell, but she didn't know what else to say. Jack didn't want to be liked... Finally, she took a step back, and spun around, looking away from Jack, throwing her arms up into the air.

"Jack! Tell me honestly.. do you want the world to hate you? Do you want ME to hate you? Think before you speak Jack! Do you want me to hate you? Because if you do.. I will walk away right now.. and I will get out of your life.. if that is what you honestly want me to do! It's not what I want... but if it's what you want me to... then I will..." Chase looked at her. "Jack... knowing you doesn't hurt me.. knowing you has saved me on multiple occasions.. to be honest Jack.. My family hated me! My mom was a nasty woman who hated me... my father was to busy for me.. I rarely saw them.. sure. it hurt to lose them! But because of Vito.. because of YOU... I was able to make my own family! Jack... I don't want to hate you! I don't want to! But.. if it'll make you happy.. I will tell you I do.. but only if it will make you happy."