Conversations in My Head

Lions falling in love with lambs was normal compared to the scene unfolding in front of Mira. Fire and ice mixing without destroying each other. Considering becoming friends. But there was a first for everything. Miras laugh echoed throughout the room, from a mix of happiness and the obscurity of the idea. It was almost impossible to imagine the horror that would appear on Elijahs face if he ever realized the two of them were acquainted, much less friends. 

"He will murder me!" she cried happily, surprisingly unopposed to her fiancée killing her. "Hell, he will murder us both." Mira realized she had used 'will' instead of 'would', suggesting she was willing to be friends. And she was. Being friends with a girl like Chase could change things for her. She could be nicer, more respected (without being feared), and happier. 

"But he can get over it" she said with a smile. If Mira had her way he would never find out. The last thing she needed was another giant fight with him. They had promised to change things - no games. But here she was, sneaking around without his knowledge. More secrets. So far it wasn't looking like a path of a healthy relationship.

Chase found herself smiling as Mira laughed, and shook her head. "More like murder me... he'll hate me forever knowing.. that... we're friends.." Chase slowed down, and an odd twinkle grew in her eyes, and she found herself smiling. "yes! We must be friends! We must be! Oh.. but feel free to plant horrible thoughts in his head about me... tell him.. errm.. tell him I threw you out.. or.. or.. something, don't tell him I'm moving though alright? You mustn't say that.. make it sound as though you are coming here.. but I will owl you the new address.. once I get there.." she said slowly, glancing out the window. "I'm moving back in with a friend.. two friends, who I was staying with before Elijah... before.." Chase's face hardened, and she sighed. "Before they took away Fauve and Thierry.." She nodded carefully, and sighed slightly, shaking her head.

"Katherine is there now.. but.. Mira.. I do want to be friends with you.. you seem.. like the kind of person I'd be friends with if this whole mess hadn't of happened.. so... yeah.." She said smiling. "I think I'd like to be your friend.. yes.. yes I'd like that greatly." Chase nodded and smiled at her again. "I believe this will work out nicely Mira.. and.. lets just say.. I think Elijah will think so as well.." Chase said, already plotting things in her head, small things now.. just a seed, waiting to grow into a full out plan, but she let it stew, not yet thinking about it fully, ready to show Elijah that she could be a strong, independent woman.

Mira knew a plotting face if she ever saw one. And whatever she was thinking up Mira was she it had everything to do with the Bulgarian and nothing to do with her. Despite her over protective nature, she just didn't feel that urge to save Elijah right now. He was a big boy and he could handle whatever she was planning. Probably. And if he couldn't he would run back to Mira for comfort, further knowing she was the one. So it was win, win. But something about what Chase said nagged at her brain a bit. 

"Trust me - If you had known me without this, uh, situation you would hate me. I've been known to be.. Not the nicest person in the past. And even though you hate him, Elijah fixed me. He made me right again and I can never pay him back. I love him." Mira had been so broken after Alice, but Elijah had given her a sense in the world and a purpose. He had calmed her down in her largest rages and comforted her during grief. She felt stable only when he was around.

Correction. Mira felt stable now. So was it possible that Chase had the same effect on her as Elijah did? If so it seemed impossible that they wouldn't be friends. It was a sign that the two would be important in each others lives. Because Mira needed more people who kept her happy and calm in her life. The events of this morning (storming over intent on killing) proved that.   

Chase stared at Mira, and then shook her head. "How you do it I have no idea..." She said simply, unable to bear it. In a way, she still loved him, in a way, she was still so deeply in love with him, it killed her inside to know that this woman here.. Mira, was going to marry him one day.. and be with him, she was secretly dying inside... but at the same time... she knew that Mira had been meant for Elijah.. it was CHASE Who had stolen him away from her... CHASE was the one who was in fault here now.. and she felt horrid.. more then horrid.. she felt like a monster.. she must have been a monster to Mira... getting engaged.. having Elijah's child.. she must have been a complete monster, and she had never even met the woman.

"I... loving him was so easy at the time.. and it's so easy for him to make you feel it back... it's just so easy to be with him... but..." Chase groaned and ran her fingers over her short hair, sighing slightly. "I... I guess the main reason I am so compliant to you being with him at all.. besides hating Elijah's guts.. in a way, is because I finally have found someone who makes me feel truly happy.. It's crazy! Being around him.. knowing that he could never make me unhappy again! EVER! Knowing that he will be there when I get home... knowing I can hug him, and not feel stupid.. knowing I can look at him, and not have to wonder if he's been with someone else! Oh it's truly an amazing feeling Mira! It is! I mean.. When I was with Elijah.. sure I felt.. kinda happy.. I was happy, I thought I was... now I look back on it.. and it's just like.. what was I thinking! Because... every time I looked at him, I wondered where he had been.. who he had been with.. and for how long.. I... doubted every moment with him, even if I didn't realize it myself.."

"It's just WRONG Mira.. having to feel that way! WRONG Not being able to trust the person you love.. and well.. Mira.. I've found him." She held out her arms slightly and dropped them back to her sides in a kind of shrug. "I have finally found someone who looks at me with.. love.. in his eyes! In his very soul.. he looks at me.. and could never, EVER think of hurting me.. EVER think of letting me down.. and I know he feels that way.. and he makes it so painfully obvious, that.. I swear my mouth would crack from smiling if it could! I've never smiled so much in my life.. never felt so.. loved.. and Mira.. I hope you feel that someday.. I hope you know what it's like to be able to smile without hesitation, without doubt in your heart... I've found out who I was supposed to be with.. and I've never been happier, so have him Mira! Make him yours! Do what you want with him! Because for the first time in my life, I feel free, and happy, and loved.. and I know I'm safe with him.." She sighed happily, and looked at Mira, amazed at what she had just said. Two seconds ago she had been thinking about how she still loved Elijah, but then Calvin's face swam into her view, and she realized it wasn't love for him she felt anymore.. no.. it was pity.. pity that he just couldn't be happy.. pity that he caused his own grief.. and pity for Mira also, for having to put up with him.