The door slammed shut after Khaat’s response and Viktor sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned over. He slapped Elijah around the back of the head, ignoring the yelp that came from the boy. Had it been Viktor’s decision then he would have taken his wand to the boy like his father would have done but upon drawing it, Harry did also and Irina’s hand slipped onto his arm. He settled for re-sheathing the wand in his robes before backhanding Elijah. He took the second hit with some sort of grace. He recoiled of course and grasped his cheek. Viktor noted the blood and he glanced down at the rings on his fingers that also wore his son’s crimson. Irina’s grip tightened and Viktor looked at Harry to see him frozen in space as if he’d lost all desire to retaliate or as if he’d finally remembered his place.
“We had them.” Viktor breathed, his anger flaring once more. “And then you had to go and open your goddamn mouth! We had them right here,” He opened his palm and slapped his hand against it. “You’re ridiculous boy! You think you don’t need an education? Well, regardless of whether you get those children back or not, you’ll get your education. You’re a Pureblood, Elijah; you should know when and when not to speak. Pretend all you like to be a shining example to your sister but you can just about dress yourself – that is the only example you set for her. You, my boy, are in shambles now get your scrawny little arse up that corridor and apologize before I start practicing spells on you.”
Elijah’s hand was still clenched against his cheek and Viktor regarded him coldly, paying no attention to way his son’s chest heaved or the way his eyes shone in thinly-veiled fear. Viktor moved to draw his wand again and Elijah bolted out of the room, only just remembering to pick up his things before leaving. It was near impossible to force his textbook into his bag so once again Elijah hugged it to his broad chest as he looked around the hall in search of Khaat’s retreating figure. When he found her he called out her name and began to slide through the crowds milling around and commuting from one part of the hospital to another.
“Khaat - hey! Please, stop, just...for a second.” Elijah’s hand came down on the woman’s shoulder in a hope to still her in the hallway. “I’m sorry. I was tactless, I know, but I don’t care what happens to me in the end, honestly. I just wanted to focus on them if I got them back. They’ve had so much upset and all I’ve ever wanted to do is be with them so I felt maybe, if I could get away with it, I could raise them, get them into Hogwarts and then do what I have to do. I could do it in half the time – I know I could – but I’ve missed out on so much already I don’t want to lose any more time with them. Look, half the time, I don’t even attend class. I learn far more off of my own back than I do with those morons that spend more time harassing and provoking the students than they do teaching them. It’s not too good for me, Khaat. I know what I am capable of doing and it is much more than what they expect me to be able to do. I can spend hours in that library and I’ll gather more information than they’d be able to teach in nine months worth of lessons. So maybe a tutor would help – if only to oversee what I am doing. I’m a fast reader and I’m pretty able with a wand if the wand agrees with me. I’ll never be able to transfigure anything that doesn’t turn out fluffy but I can live with that. Goblets with striped tails are more fun without anyway,” Elijah cracked a smile before becoming serious once more.
“I was hasty with what I was saying. I just wanted to communicate that I don’t want to lose any more time with them. I don’t want to waste time on my education. I know that sounds awful but its importance pales in comparison to theirs. I just...I’ve never been interested in my own welfare or how I was going to turn out. I’ve gone with the current. They matter to me and I’d like to sort them before I do anything with myself. I understand that that won’t work. I know that it sounds stupid and I was rude about it. They’re my children, Khaat, they’re my babies. Nothing will ever be as important as they are to me. That’s why I didn’t want to go on with it. I just wanted them back and I wanted to raise them. Is that too much to ask – to raise my own children? I know I went the wrong way about asking for it and I know I was stupid to think I could. Micah’s guidance would help free up my time – not hinder me. I know this but I jumped at the chance of being their father twenty-four/seven. I didn’t want to revert back to being a student again – even if it was for a few hours a day. I will do it though if it means I can have them. I will do a course on something ridiculous and useless and get an ‘O’ if it means I can keep them, Khaat.”
“I’m an idiot though aren’t I? I didn’t know how I was supposed to move heaven and earth to get them back with me. I was in the process of sorting my head out. They didn’t even enter my mind until I saw a woman pushing her children on a round-a-bout. Then I remembered them. I remembered similar days in parks or in small villages where I could just spend time with them. I remembered how Chase took them without a second thought. It was agonising to have to re-live that again but I didn’t know where to begin. I’m going to be honest with you here – you didn’t even enter my mind when I was going through ways of getting them back. I was drawing blanks. I didn’t want to accept defeat but I had no choice. They were long gone, how was I supposed to trace them? I would have gone and gotten them myself if I’d know where to look, Khaat, I promise you. I would have done everything in my power to get them back but you see...I didn’t have any power. I don’t have any power. This,”
Elijah produced his wand from his pocket and promptly snapped the offending piece of wood. He tossed it into one of the bins and looked at Khaat, utter seriousness marring his face.
“It’s useless. I’ll pop down to Ollivander’s in a bit and get a new one. I couldn’t even light a fire with that sodding thing, let alone do anything else. I actually feel a lot better now.” He admitted shyly, reaching up to grasp the back of his neck. “Father was impatient while the wand maker was home. He ushered him away before we found the right one. Look, I didn’t think you would be able to help. I barely recalled you when it counted. I am sorry I am a selfish little shit but I feel a little bit delicate right now. I don’t feel all that great in myself, okay? I’ll admit that much. I feel fine in my mind but I just feel suffocated. It might be the lack of fresh air or a nicotine withdrawal symptom – I don’t know. Just know that I would never endanger my children. You should know that. I am not going to let them grow up on the basis of ignorance. They’re both sensible. They realise that their father is a complete and utter twat – for lack of a better word – and Merlin knows they’re going to turn out better than I ever will. They have their own minds anyway but you know I’m as good as gold when I’m with them. I know you’re angry and I know I’ve ballsed up but I’m learning.”
Elijah sighed and ran his hand through his hair, his fingers scraping angrily at his scalp.
“I woke up that first time afterwards hating what I’d become. I regained the memories and I felt sick. There’s no old Elijah and there’s certainly no new Elijah. He and I are the same. I’m not me and he’s not him because we’re both each other. Aspects of him come through every now and then I want to repress those traits – really I do – because I am disgusted by them. I don’t know how to change myself, Khaat, but I can recognise that the only time I was ever good...that I ever saw accomplishment was in them because I succeeded with them. I was doing something right. I hate what I became and I hate the fact that I’m going back there. I feel it even now as I stand there. I’m desperate to sidle over to that pretty little blonde down the hall and flirt my little arse off. If I succeeded then I’d wander further up and try my luck with the young intern. I want to go out and get absolutely pissed. I am desperate for a cigarette. I am a mess. My father is right. But I can be better. I know I can. I just need...help.”
Elijah rubbed his hand across his face. He’d said he didn’t want help. He said he didn’t want anyone making decisions for him. He didn’t want to have people helping him. He needed it though.
“I need them.” Elijah whispered. “They were for a long time the only reason I was still here. The only reason I’m here now alive is because I want to understand myself. I want to understand myself and find a reason to carry on. They were my reason to carry on. They still are my reason to carry on. I need them, Khaat. I need them as much as I need air and I know I should have moved the world for them but I didn’t know how! I will do anything to have them though...to keep them. I would do anything – anything at all – to see them home again, to see them snuggled down in their beds where they belong. Okay? I will do anything for that. I will do it, Khaat. Just...give me a chance. I’m just...I don’t even know anymore.”
(I don't know why Khaat is in a corridor but SHE IS NOW! xD)
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