Mind, Body and Soul

Elijah knew where the cigarettes were and Merlin knew he needed one to calm his nerves. He wouldn’t do it though. He refused. He could relax without the health issues that came with his way of relaxation. Elijah was seriously beginning to doubt his willpower though. They were in the bottom drawer. The open packet covered the left breast of the PlayWizard model and his lighter was on top of the box. He swallowed, knowing that he wasn’t even a metre away from sating the nicotine monsters in his brain. He needed the relief. Merlin knew he could survive without the alcohol but he needed the cigarettes. He needed them to function for Christ sake and he was sick of f-cking tea!

Elijah got up, not trusting himself to be so dangerously close to the nicotine. He undoubtedly needed it. He was fraying around the edges and was beginning to lose his tether. The pressures of family life and his mind and knowing that his children were gone were beginning to ruin him. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He didn’t know who he’d become or why he’d done what he’d done. He didn’t know what he wanted out of life, he was just towing he party line. He didn’t know anything about himself anymore – he just wanted to do something to fix everything; to make everything better again. He couldn’t though and that’s what terrified him. He was at the beck and call of his family who naturally assumed that they could manipulate him now he was frazzled and confused.

“How are we ever going to get them back, Mira?” he exclaimed, his exasperation showing. “I was manipulated. She was paid, I remember. She...” Elijah swallowed and looked at the ground. “Anna-Maria died because she was loyal to me. Even after ruining me she still sought to make things better. I remember her...she was poor and she needed money and I told her if she needed help she always knew she could come to me but she hadn’t had she? I didn’t want it. I was happy. I ... she tried to seduce me didn’t she and Chase caught us? I didn’t want it...I remember chasing her through the house begging her to forgive me...I remember...I remember...I...I...I remember fire.”

Elijah unbuttoned the shirt and moved over to the mirror. He rubbed his hand across his side and watched as the magic melted away, revealing a poorly healed burn that was still in the process of scarring. It seemed to take up a great portion of his chest. Nachash wouldn’t go near it. She wouldn’t go him period. Elijah sighed and tugged the shirt off, feeling no more exposed than he already was in front of Mira. He tossed it into the hamper and shook his head.

“I was Obliviated.” He announced. “Or so I have been told. I woke up in St. Mungo’s without a clue as to who I was. I woke up thinking they’d put me into someone else’s body. Then I discover parts of myself that I never even dreamed of becoming. I don’t know what I was like to you exactly Mira but I know I was awful to you. Even the bits I remember vividly I know I was cruel and rude to you. You never ever deserved that and yet I continued. I played you like a fool and I didn’t want that! I don’t want that! Mira...for Christ sake...I love you...why didn’t you slap me one and tell me to stop being a twat before I got out of hand? And also, is there really a painting of you naked hanging around because I am fairly intrigued.” And with that, a part of the cocky old Elijah shone through, a smirk accompanying him. No doubt he’d get a slap for that one.

Elijah stood, took off his shirt, and moved to the other side of the room. Mira's silver eyes trailed his movements closely. Mira tried to concentrate on his face, rather than his bare chest. Elijah was a very attractive person and Mira was having a hard time focusing on his words. She wanted him so badly, it nearly hurt. But he had just lost everything, and this wasn't the time or place. Well, okay, it was the place. But certainly not the time.

Mira leaned back, hands behind her to support her weight. She kept her white face clear of emotion as Elijah stuttered out the scrambled story. Mira was pretty sure she knew what he was talking about but wasn't positive. A poor girl had been paid to come a seduce Elijah? Mira suddenly had a very hard time keeping a strait face. Another shot of liquid anger flowed through her veins. Though she knew very well what sort of shenanigans he got into, hearing about a girl seducing him (other than her) still sent off that over-protective woman in her. Mira closed her eyes for a second and shoo-ed those feelings away. She opened her eyes to respond how she wanted to walk right into Chase's house and take those kids of her dead hands but before the comment could leave her lips Elijah kept talking. Probably a good thing.

Suddenly the conversation turned very interesting. Obliviated? It made sense. Why he was acting so funny, his messed up speech, his soft tears. She swallowed, holding her breath as the words tumbled out. He loved her. Oh good god, he loved her. Mira let the breath out, her whole body shuddering with the meaning of his words settling over her. She sat up, body shaking. Pursing her lips a single tear slid down her crystal white skin. The words replayed in her head as he spoke, echoing. Cruel, rude, played you, awful. And even though she knew they were true it had never felt that way to her. Somehow she had always been in this little girl fantasy that she was in control of him. Now she could see clearly this had never been true.

A second tear fell. Oh god, she never realized she loved him this much. He'd told her he loved her before but not like this. This was real.

When Elijah asked about the painting she wiped away the tear and laughed. She stood and walked across the room to stand closer than would be appropriate for friends next to Elijah. "I wouldn't be surprised, Krum. You always were a great artist. And even if it disappeared, I'm sure there will opportunity to make another one." Under most circumstances Mira would have liked to slap him, but this was different. She was too caught up in the moment. And it was nice to see a bit of old Elijah. Just to show her it was still him. Because if he even took back the words just spoken Mira wouldn't be able to go on. Even if he didn't know it a promise had been made. Mira lifted up on to her tip-toes and kissed him gently. The feel of his lips set her body on fire. But instead of indulging herself she lowered back to her normal height and murmured "Sorry" with a sneaky smile, showing just how little sorry she was.

To Elijah’s surprise, at the mention of a painting a whole new set of memories came through, each one snapshots of a different painting. There were hundreds and he could only do but watch as woman after woman and the occasional painting of a harbour or a river bank (with an apparent lack of still life) whipped passed. Finally, Elijah found the on to which he’d been referring. He blinked curiously as he peered mentally at the image he was being shown. A sly smirk spread across his face and he quickly tried to find out the location. He’d been noticing that he never seemed to write anything down and that his mind was a database of its own. Unlocking something like this was more important than figuring out who he’d had sex with in the last month. As it was, a grand total of no one, but that wasn’t exactly important in the grand scheme of things, not like this.

Sure enough though, he found it. He found all of them, even the ones he’d been assured were lost in the fire. They weren’t real at all. He’d been prepared for something like this. Elijah nearly laughed aloud at his own genius. Every single one was in that vault, even the ones that he recalled to have been sold off. He’d played them, the buyers, he’d played them. Of course he’d probably painted the copies but they were copies all the same and certainly not originals. He had the originals, he had all of them. At that realisation, Elijah did laugh aloud.

He looked over at Mira, a stupid grin on his face, but was brought up short to see her crying. Elijah’s face fell and he walked over to her. She met him half way and he became hyperaware of her smell and of her body heat. Elijah bit his tongue and focused on his body’s reaction to her proximity. Of course, he didn’t exactly love her the way she wanted him to love her but he would get there eventually. He just...he needed her. He did love her but not romantically – not quite yet.

Elijah smiled bashfully, his cheeks colouring, when she kissed him. He brought his hand up to touch his lips and he dropped it soon after. Elijah swallowed and took Mira’s hand. He moved a little closer to her and ducked his head towards her. “Can I just try....” He brushed his lips against hers experimentally, unsure as to whether he was doing it right.

Now that she understood he had been obliciated it all made sense. The way he didnt seem sure of himself. The way he sometimes got a look like he was completely absorbed in brand new wondrous thoughts. Mira wasn't sure what she felt about Elijahs mixed personality. He mostly seemed more exited, confused, and generally more boyish. Mira couldn't deny this was, well, adorable. She got the face she was in love with along with the soft personality that she had learned she was attracted to. On the other hand seeing old Elijah re-surface for a few moments in his eyes had been  somewhat of a relief. To know the man she had fallen for wasn't totally erased, even if he was a total ass.

In some ways old Elijah was easier for Mira to deal with. She understood to some extent how he thought and why he did what he did. But Mira also knew old Elijah was completely unable to commit. This would not do at all. So for a variety of factors Mira concluded that it would be in her best interests  to not encourage old Elijah to resurface. If there was ever a chance for them to be together this was it.

Mira smiled with happiness at Elijahs laugh. Such a grand sound after the tears was good to hear, confirming his brief breakdown was over. 

Mira had expected for Elijah to pull away from her after her kiss, but to her surprise and delight he pulled her back and kissed her again. It was funny for Mira to think about how Eli needed to try out kissing her. She had to admit it hurt a little in her heart that she was the only one who remembered the feel of their bodies entangled, lips touching. It was amazing that was so concrete and well known to Mira could be completely erased. 

Eli's kiss was soft and tentative as if he wasn't sure of himself. Like he was having his first kiss all over again. Eli being insecure was a strange idea for Mira to comprehend, but she was sure he would build confidence as time passed. Mira leaned into his kiss, and wrapped her hands around his neck. His smell had changed from alcohol and cigarettes to a much soft odor of tea and Bulgaria. It was nice. 

Mira broke the kiss and looked into Eli's eyes. "How much do you remember?" A pause. "About me, I mean" Would he remember her sitting across from Alice at the dinner table? The funeral? Their first kiss? The first time they slept together? Or something more recent like fleeting glances in the great hall, screaming in the common room, or the encounter in the tower? When Mira thought of Elijah those were the memories she brought up first. But where his all gone?    

OOC: sorry if it's a bit scrambled. It's an iPod response

In the back of his mind, another brick snapped into place, a glaze of cement quickly being spread over the top to welcome the next part of his mind. It was a relatively small wall with all of the memories drifting about, each one connected but none of them really making a lot of sense. Elijah’s nights were spent inside his own head, walking the barren land it had created for him; for some reason though it all seemed so real. He’d walk until his feet were torn to shreds by the stones and coarse sand they would press into. He’d wake up and feel the remnants of the pain but nothing would be there. He felt that he was making progress, that watching versions of his self, all with different personalities, rebuild the wall was somewhat reassuring. He recalled something like this happening before – when he was with Felix – when every part of his personality took over and started working to ensure his own mental survival. They were doing it now only...Eli was conscious to it.

As Mira leaned into the kiss, Elijah let his eyes slip shut. As soon as the last bit of light was shut out, the movie reel started again and kiss after kiss was shown before his eyes. It was like a crash course of something that he could seemingly do better than breathing. As Elijah watched and analysed what he was seeing, his kiss changed unbeknownst to him. His lips became firmer against Mira’s and his arms wound around her waist, bringing her closer to him. Then, as the kisses before his eyes turned to more heated ones, Elijah’s tongue...

It was at that moment that Mira broke the kiss, giving Elijah an ample opportunity to distance himself from her. He mumbled, “Wow,” to himself and ran his hands through his hair. He looked at Mira curiously before shrugging. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “I don’t...It’s all jumbled. None of it makes sense it’s just there as if it doesn’t belong but does at the same time. I just need a while. I know some things...things I’d rather not know but know anyway...I...” Elijah trailed off again and bit his lip. “I do remember, I promise, but probably not what you want me too.”

With his heated kiss still lingering on her lips she listened to his response. It wasn't really worth anything to her other than the confirmation that he really was 100% jumbled. Mira wished the questions to ask him weren't piling up sky high. She didn't want to think, all she wanted was to kiss Elijah again. Mira wanted him so badly. But it would probably seem almost greedy to steel any more precious seconds of their alone time with physical connection. Luckily Mira had never been an ethical person.

Elijah seemed overwhelmed. Like the world were screaming at him but he had no idea how to speak the language. It remind Mira of their first time together. Not just together, but with anyone. Elijah had just recently arrived back from wherever he had gone off to, in Viktors words "discover himself" (aka drink a lot), for a year. It was the first time since Alices murder that Elijah hadn't been around. For all of that time Mira had thought she hated Elijah with his painful memories and untouchable charm but as soon as he was gone she realized the real pain was from the lack of him. 

For the first time Mira realized she cared deeply for the Bulgarian and this had scared her deeply. As she had discovered with Alice, loving someone was dangerous. Loving Elijah would be the most dangerous thing of all. So Mira had attempted to clear her mind of him in his absence. And for a long time she thought she had succeeded. But when he returned Mira felt the same feelings creep up from the black of his mind. Elijah was different though, more like a man. It just happened to match Mira becoming more of a woman. One evening the pair were taking a stroll through the Anderson's extensive gardens at their estate (on their parents orders of course) and although both had internally vowed to keep silent the whole time they had found themselves kiss.. More deeply then they had ever kissed anyone else. And it just happened, among the rose bushes and trees. Following this brief moment of perfection for Mira came the horrors of their attempted relationship, lasting a week and going up in flames (well, more explosions) with the first huge fight.

It was at that moment Mira had discovered who Elijah Krum had become, and would be until this very day. But the world had taken a shift suddenly. The impossible was now very possible. 

As Elijah moved away, Mira sunk back onto the bunk. She wasn't sure what Elijah wanted to hear right now any more than he was sure what she wanted to hear in return. So Mira just spoke up the first thing that appeared in her head "I'm glad you didn't get married" It even sounded stupid in her head. Why was it so much harder to be interesting and sexy around him now? Interesting and sexy seemed to be her defining traits sometimes, but Elijah sucked it all out of her. Right along with her breath and common sense.

Paris had taught Elijah a lot. He saw this. He often dreamed of it now. He dreamed of the experiences, the faces, the wine and the girls. He thought fondly of the studio in a shabbier but no less beautiful area of the city. He recalled having to buy cigarettes off of newspaper stands when he ran out. He cast his mind back to the days when he was introduced to the children some of the models had had. He remembered the tiny button noses and the hair that sat atop the beautiful crowns of the pale children; the children that he later realised were some of his godchildren. He could recall Fauve in all her glory as she looked at him for the first time with such bravery and passion in her eyes. From there the days had seemed to get more bearable. More hours were spent sober and he spent time drawing her, interacting with her in the most platonic of senses. He slipped so easily into the role of father, as if it was made for him, and it had not gone unnoticed.

Now she was gone and so were Thierry and Kitty.

Elijah sighed and put his hands on his hips, his fingers grazing the burns. He winced but paid little attention to them. He would rub some healing salve onto them tonight but he knew in the back of his head that he’d probably forget if he picked up a book. He needed to go into Hogsmeade and have a look around the bookshop there because he knew that it wouldn’t be long before he ran out of things to read. As far as Elijah was aware, there were only a few books left that he hadn’t read. Everything else was familiar to him and there were literally piles upon piles everywhere. The bookshelf he had beside his bed was fit to burst and Elijah had a feeling he’d have to start sending them home in parcels with instructions to Irina telling her where to put them and what not to touch.

“I was thinking about getting a tattoo,” Elijah said suddenly as he looked at Mira’s reflection in the mirror. He buttoned up part of his shirt and strode over to the bookshelf. He leaned down and ran his fingers across the spines in search of a particular poem. Elijah pulled it out and handed the book to Mira. “Desiderata,” He told her simply. “It’s quite large but I...I like it. I thought maybe I could find someone to have it with me,” Elijah continued, sitting on the floor. “So half of it somewhere, probably on my torso, and the other half on theirs in a place where if we stand together, the poem would be readable. It probably sounds silly but I’ve always liked this one and I...I don’t know. ‘Strive to be happy’ – I think I need to remember to do that sometimes.”

OOC: Here's a copy of the poem so Mira can react accordingly. ;D 2,000th post. O:

Mira wasn't sure if Elijah was crazy or romantic. Getting a tattoo was one thing, but getting one this large was not something you did on a whim. Mira read the poem and re-read it. It had a beautiful message, one of acceptance and love. Of course this was not something that Mira exactly lived by. But it was something she would like to live by. Maybe printing them on her back in permanent ink would make them more likely to come true. And having a material half of Elijah was very appealing to her. Every time another woman asked about the words he would have to talk about her having the other half, signifying Mira as his one true love. At least Mira liked to think so. But even if he didn't say who held the other side he would know. Even if they had left each others sides for decades whenever he looked in the mirror he was remember Mira Anderson. She truly would have left her mark.

"It's a bit long" Mira admitted, unsure if she wanted to cover her back like that. She looked at Elijah's partly covered chest and finally noticed the burns. Her eyes didn't widen but she felt slightly shocked. What could have caused him to hurt like that? Mira assumed it happened about the same time as being obliviated. She could see Elijah watching her and made sure to smile lightly at him, warming her cool expression. "But it's not silly. I like the poem, and the idea". She shrugged, thinking it over.

"Perhaps a line or two?" Mira glanced back at the poem in her hands. "I like these lines here" she said pointing to a paragraph.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Elijah was poised for her reaction. His eyes would occasionally drift to the drawer where he knew the cigarettes were but he kept his eyes firmly on Mira as she read and no doubt re-read the poem. He knew it was large but it wouldn’t be by the time it was written out. He wanted to split it straight down the middle and have his on his right side and Mira’s half on her left. He didn’t quite want to take no for an answer, or even a compromise. He had it in his head now and magical tattoos weren’t difficult to remove once they were on. There was none of the faffing around with drawing it out and such like Muggles used. It was merely an inking spell and it would be there.

Elijah felt the need to show her. He jumped to his feet and took the book from her hands. He took his new wand off of the bedside table and shed his shirt from his shoulders. His eyes once again fell to the reflection of the burns but he paid little attention as he turned a little in the mirror. He flicked his wand at the book, copying the side of the poem he wanted, the first half, and pointed his wand at his back. The tip of his wand glowed a dark colour and then the light died. Slowly, the words began to appear on Elijah’s skin. It was a similar spell to the way wizards would mark their sheep in the foothills of Bulgaria where little clusters of wizarding villages lay.

Smiling brightly, Elijah turned around and looked at Mira expectantly. He stepped forward and took her hand, lacing his fingers with her own. “Please...just let me show you...” he murmured. The tattoo covered a great portion of his back but only on one side. It seemed to curve into his side, or at least gave the illusion that it did, but it very clearly didn’t. He smiled coaxingly at Mira and leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. He broke the kiss and pressed his lips against her jaw, murmuring breathy phrases in Parseltongue to her. The language came so much easier to him when Nachash was with him. She was asleep, curled up around his leg with her babies. She gave him the ability to communicate with her. Of course he was still fairly proficient in the language when she was out hunting but he still felt quite lost without her, even when not trying to tackle the language.

“Come on...” he smiled teasingly at her. “Go on...I’m daring you. Do it and I’ll give you something in return – anything you ask for. Shoes...clothes...animals...a warm bed when you need one...” Elijah raised an eyebrow, silently baiting her, and smirked.

Elijah suddenly seemed so alive. Like he was glowing with happiness. The daring nature of what he was about to do seemed to be giving him some sort of adrenaline rush. A spell was cast quietly and ink started spreading across his bare back. It was actually beautiful, both the words and the black ink. Just seeing it was nearly enough to convince her. But not quite enough.

Suddenly he was so close. With his proximity Mira could feel some of his energy leaking into her. When his lips reached hers she couldn't help to smile. With each kiss it feeling more and more like what she was used to. His lips were no longer coated with tears and were much less hesitant. Mira could feel his breath as he trailed down her jaw and blew on her ear as he murmured to her in snake. Part of her almost interrupted to ask what he was saying but she resisted, instead enjoying the moment.

A dare? Mira's smiled widened even more. Surely he knew she couldn't not take it. Especially when he would give her anything. Oh there were so many things she wanted. A warm bed when you need one.. Yes, that was certainly the most appealing at the moment. But Mira knew she could get that on her own terms, almost any time. Luckily it seemed that the strange attraction that kept Mira returning also bound Elijah. But on the other hand.. with him standing there so close.. Mira tried to turn off the flood of memories that came rushing in of every other time he had stood so near her. Eventually she managed to get a clear enough head to figure that demands could be made later.

The long black, Hogwarts robes were suddenly a large inconvenience. She undid the snaps in the front holding it together with a smirk and let the black cloth fall to the floor in a puddle around her. Underneath the robes she still had a pain white tee shirt and very short black shorts. Though these now also proved un-necessary Mira was just not comfortable walking around with just underwear under the robe. She knew Elijah was watching her closely but didn't mind in the slightest. It wasn't exactly the first time he'd seen her undress. Mira pulled off the tee shirt revealing her bra. And although unnecessary also undid the buttons on her shorts and let them fall. In the confined space of the dorm she felt much more comfortable than she had in the tower.

Mira looked up at Elijah, still smirking with amusement. "Go ahead" Mira said turning around so Elijah would be facing her back, where the tattoo would be placed.