Mind, Body and Soul

Showers helped. Only a little, though. They seemed to cleanse Elijah of more than just dirt and sweat. The water, as pure as day, escaped the shower head and doused his whole body, making him give small whimpers as they jets hit sensitive spots on his back. He moved beneath the water in a slow, languid fashion, taking in as much of the warmth as possible. It ran over him like a waterfall. The droplets danced down his back and curved round across the hip bones, each droplet with its own specific path. Elijah loved the feeling of the liquid curling over his fingers and slipping through the gaps between the metal and the skin of his fingers. Everything about this he adored because it not only cleaned his body but the water seemed to clear his mind. The steam pushed out the cloudiness and made everything damp and humid. His mind seemed to prefer that though. It seemed to prefer being overwhelmed by something other than its own existence.

Elijah heard a faint hiss and he looked over towards the door to see Nachash slither out. He smiled a little and reached forward to shut off the water. The shower head gave a screech and Elijah stepped out onto the rug. The cold air whirled around him and he shivered a little as the dog tags began to chill his skin. Quickly, Elijah pulled a towel around his waist and slid out of the bathroom.

The dorm room was empty, as was to be expected. Elijah shivered again and made his way over to his bed. It seemed so familiar to him. Everything in the surrounding area, from the camera to the packet of cigarettes balancing precariously on a stack of books, was familiar but so very, very foreign. In the end, Elijah didn’t even bother getting dressed. He sat himself down and pulled a book out from the pile. He cleared his throat and ran his hands across the well-loved copy of poems. It was worn to the point of the gold text becoming unreadable. Elijah smiled and opened it up. The spine creaked a little and Elijah rubbed his fingers over the pages of parchment inside. He ran his hand through his wet hair before finding a particular poem, one that Stelladora had read him when he was younger, and settling to read that and the rest of the poems in the book.

But as much as he enjoyed the solitude, he wouldn’t have minded some company, and company he did receive.

Mira was feeling lonely. This wasn't a new feeling for her. For the last couple of weeks Mira had been, well, a total B**** to anyone who crossed her path. Well, everyone but Rafael. But he was different (we will get to this later). Mira's general icy cover had multiplied many times over to hide newfound pain. Pain that Elijah Krum brought forth. She was pretty sure this pain wasn't about him. This depth of emotional scar couldn't be caused by heartbreak. It could only be caused by Alice.

Even in her death Mira's sister still mocked and teased her, making life harder than it should be. It was so Alice. Those few cherished memories of the wild child rested in the calmest most beautiful part of her soul. Alice was the only good left in her, so it was ironic that she had also caused all of this bad. That twig-like, scrawny, pale girl would never leave her side.

Mira would never admit it but sometimes she talked to Alice. Not out loud, but in her head. Tucked away a comment about a girls especially ugly Yule Ball dress or how delicious the new flavor of ice cream was. Things they used to share as common interests. The little voice kept her relatively sane.

But Elijah.. He was different. Alice never seemed to be able to be in the same line of thought as Elijah. Even though they were best friends until the end of her life they didn't go together. Even at age nine she had known that she, and not her sister, was designed for the Krum boy. But with Alice gone everything had changed. Suddenly Alice was his soulmate and not her. Mira felt forgotten, discarded. Even now, so many years later, she couldn't help but have those feelings. 

Mira was sitting at the base of the staircase up to the girls dorms. Gently she stood, her elegant figure lost among the crowds of the common room. But instead of just turning around and walking up to her dorm (her original intent) she started moving across the room. Small groups of Slythirins were having conversations but she tuned out the noise, keeping herself contained inside her body. Her tiny feet knew where she was going before her brain did. They skipped up the boys staircase with a soft patter. 

In a few seconds she stood by the door of the boy who had broken her heart over and over again. Who had rejected her only a short while ago. Who was so wrong for her.. But also so right. Mira raised a shaking fist and tapped on the wooden door gently, hoping he was home.. And alone.

Haikus were Elijah’s favourite poems. They were short, sweet and conveyed the message that multiple verses could not. It explained so much with so little and Elijah found them much easier to stomach than something Shakespearean or metaphorical. These were much quicker and soon, music from the record player on his bookshelf began to emit from the speakers. Elijah’s foot began to tap against the wood of the footboard and soon enough, the pages began to turn quicker and quicker. As the music ended, another song began and Elijah cast a look over at it, listening to a few bars in an attempt to identify the song. When he did, he smiled and turned his eyes back to the book. He wasn’t able to slip back into it though as a knock on the door cut through both the music and his mental narration of the poems.

Elijah didn’t move at first. He peered over the top of the book and studied the door for a few minutes. He heard the shuffle of feet outside and pulled his lip into his mouth, unsure as to whether to go and open it. It could have quite easily been Athena again, coming back to go through Kendall’s trunk for the second time, but Elijah hoped against hope that it wouldn’t be. He knew though that in order to be assured of that he’d have to answer the door.

So, he shouted “Hang on a minute!” in his rough, broken English – the Obliviation had had bizarre effects – and scrambled off of the bed. He grabbed a pair of jeans out of his trunk and balled the towel up in his hands. He tossed it into the hamper and pulled his jeans on, buttoning them up just in time before opening the door.

Thankfully, it wasn’t Athena but it hadn’t at all been who he’d been expecting. Well, he didn’t know who he’d been expecting – no one, really – but if he had known consciously then he wouldn’t have expected Mira to be there. She was though, much to Elijah’s surprise and joy. She was the only friendly, familiar face he’d set eyes on in weeks. She was legitimately familiar though. He didn’t know her because memories told him he did. No, he knew her because he knew he knew her.

It didn’t make sense in his head. He saw different things to what he remembered. He saw a lot more of Mira than he ever remembered seeing and the whole idea was mindboggling to him. He’d never ever seen her...well, bare. Deprived of all clothing, all poise and composure had never been a situation Elijah had seen her in. He evidently had though if the dreams, backed up by a lust-filled haze of memories, were anything to go by. She was beautiful. He saw that in those memories and he saw that has she stood before him, letting him stare openly at her.

“Hi...” He whispered as Solomon Burke started up his song. Ah, Dirty Dancing; a Muggle film that his grandmother adored. “Do you...want to come in?” Elijah pushed the door open and smiled at her a little. He pushed the door to behind her and wiped some of the water off of his chest. His hair had dried for the most part although it was still a little damp. Elijah didn’t mind so much though. “Did you want something?” He asked, half-curious.

Mira scuffled her feet with nerves. She wasn’t sure why she was so scared. It was just that same old Elijah that she had always known. But old Elijah wouldn’t have gotten engaged. He would have just left. So part of Mira wondered what Chase had been able to do that she had failed at since she was thirteen. It was incredible to her. Maybe the engagement was proof that he was starting to grow up. Mira hoped that someday he would grow up enough that she would be able to make a husband out of them. Or at least a faithful lover.

Krum was everything she didn't need, everything that was wrong, everything that love shouldn't be. But that didn't stop her from loving him in her own twisted way. It was a very un-pure kind of love. It sure wasn't a fairy tale. And Elijah wasn't Rafael. That Gryffindor had taught her what love was and what it should be. He had made her the happiest than she had been since Alice's death. But there was something missing. And the only time she had seen Elijah since was a fleeting glance in the common room a week or so ago. In that moment she had realized her true prince charming.

So here Mira was. Trying to keep her last scraps of dignity. And she knew that the second she saw Elijah she would loose all control. Lately her emotions had been out of control. Just the way she hated it. Her life circled around the fact that she was stable within herself.

The door opened and Mira murmured "Hi" it came out in a single, light, breath. "Yeah, I would like that". She came into the boys dorm with a little apprehension. She had been here before. She had slept with Elijah here before. That memory made her slightly nervous for no apparent reason. "I just wanted to see you. It's been awhile."

ooc: I'm saying that Mira doesn't know about the break-up yet.. to be extra dramatic..

Mira was not the same Mira. Elijah had two points of view regarding her now, although only by accident. The memories he’d retained didn’t feel like they belonged to him. When putting Mira into the database that had become that section of his mind, what he found was something that he wouldn’t have thought about beforehand. She was a woman now; well, nearly. She was fledged enough for Elijah to marry her within the year if his father saw to it. What he found though, was that Viktor was more preoccupied with finding someone to marry himself than he was to find Elijah someone to marry – or to have Elijah marry Mira. So, Elijah pottered around as usual with a slightly more dazed expression on his face than usual. It was all so familiar yet not at the same time.

Mira was the only person that was legitimately familiar to him. She was someone he remembered regardless of what was floating around in his mind. What he remembered was his own ignorance, his own boastful pride to cover the wounds of school life. He’d never been what his father had wanted him to be and the last straw for Viktor was his denial of Mira. Elijah was pleased to find that he had built up the strength and confidence to run away. He found that upon returning from the French capital he was exactly what his father needed – he was in the state he was now. A year and a bit since then though, Elijah was hardly happy with that state. He didn’t know who he’d become there and he certainly didn’t know who he was now. Mira was a reminder that he was still hers and vice versa; and for once, that didn’t seem nearly as suffocating as it had felt when he was younger. The stability felt like a safety net of sorts, one he felt ready to launch himself into even now as he stood there facing her.

“A little too long,” Elijah admitted wryly. At least, it had been too long in his mind but the memories produced a scene in a tower with the sunrise pouring over them. It produced scenes radiating with lust that invoked the strangest of feelings within him, although he daren’t think about those memories now. It was those memories that truly made him wonder how on earth he got away with things like that because there were strings of the same, only slightly different, memories. He could always see the rejection in Mira’s eyes when he slipped out. Even if he left when she was sleeping it was if she could tell when he wasn’t there; like he was meant to be there. Elijah knew he should have been, in any form whether that be friend, lover or, as he was supposed to be, husband.

Elijah waited for her to come inside before closing the door behind her. He wrung his hands together and managed a half-smile before striding over to his bedside table. He picked up the camera that had been placed atop a pile of books and loaded it up; giving it a habitual shake to get it moving. When the screen flickered into life, Elijah lifted it up and snapped a picture of Mira. He smiled and looked down at the glowing screen to find a rather sweet picture of the blonde. He lifted his head and smiled warmly at her. He turned the camera around and showed her the screen before complimenting, “You’re beautiful.” He brought the camera back ‘round and observed the photograph again before putting it down and mumbling absent-mindedly that she was, “so photogenic.”

Elijah brought his hand up to his neck and rubbed the skin gently, unsure as to what to say to Mira. He didn’t know what she wanted to hear really. “D-did you know where I was?” He asked curiously, wondering whether he was being presumptuous or not. He cleared his throat and sat down on the bed, feeling suddenly rather overwhelmed. He’d been Obliviated for goodness sake. Someone he knew had been killed before him and he’d been dumped basically. He’d lost children he wouldn’t even have known had his memories not been restored and he was finding that he felt that loss more than he understood it. It was paternal, the need to have his children by him. He didn’t know who Chase was anymore. She could have forgiven him but she hadn’t and for the life of him, Elijah couldn’t figure out why. Mincing through his memories he could see the aversion on his face so why couldn’t she?

“It’s been a long few weeks,” Elijah admitted, running his hands through his hair. He looked up and his eyes fell immediately to Mira. “H-how are you?”

Mira had never felt this uncomfortable around Elijah. For her it was normally easy. She knew everything about him. But the Elijah standing in front of her did not feel like the same Elijah. He was timid, seemed restless, and had a lack of knowledge about him that she could only describe as boyishness. Not to say that Mira was upset by this. She frequently found herself daydreaming in class about Elijah holding her in a soft embrace, completely un-effected by their closeness with all clothes on. Mira wasn't a romantic and didn't expect fireworks and grand gestures of love. But not even she could deny that the only thing she wanted less then Alice to return was to have Eli truly hold her. To feel love radiate like energy into her body and warm her from the inside out. She had almost felt that way in the tower, but something had been missing.

Elijah's strong and husky voice sounded off today. Kind of broken up and course, as if the syllables were having a hard time coming out. But no matter how different it was nice to hear. Just him talking put her into a kind of calm state, aligning the world back to the way it should be. So she disregarded a strange feeling that she couldn't place and focused her attention entirely on the boy standing before her.

Mira never realized how much she needed him she was with him again.

Mira didn't say anything to his 'too long' comment even though she agreed whole-heartedly. If she had her way they would spend a lot more time together. Not just having sex but actually talking. When they did talk their conversations were interesting. They left her with things to ponder deeply. Well, so did their sex. But they made her feel good about herself in very different ways. It was quite sad really.

Mira glanced at the photo. She was unimpressed, as she took much better on a constant basis. But when Elijah called her beautiful she could feel the pink rising on her white cheeks. Suddenly the picture looked a lot better. This quickly receded however and Mira struck a mocking pose with one hand on her head and the other on her hip with an intense, serious face. Some people said she could be a muggle model. And when Mira was younger, before Alice died, she used to pose in front of her mirror. But being a model wasn't the kind of job she wanted. Mira had her sights set on a high ranking, high paying job. But that was beside the point.

Mira dropped the pose and almost laughed at how strange this scene was. "I guessed. I haven't seen you around. And I hoped you would be here." She paused, thinking before she spoke. "I'm okay, always okay." It was the safe answer. She couldn't say she was too good, or she would have to explain what was happening with Rafael. She couldn't say she was too bad, or she would appear like she was missing him too much.

An awkward pause. There had been so many of these lately. It was strange. Mira searched her mind for a topic of conversation. The only thing she could think of that it might seem normal to ask about.. would be completely scary to ask. But unless she wanted the strangeness between them to continue she had to have the nerve. Trying to act like it was no big deal Mira asked at a normal volume "So how's Chase?" But there was something off in her tone, suggesting how much she really cared about his answer.

There was a certain fatigue about Elijah but it was purely mental. His body was at its peak of fitness. His father had had him out on the Quidditch pitch in the days before he had been taken back to Hogwarts by Andres and Harry. With alcohol and cigarettes out of the picture and healthy eating back in, Elijah was returning to the state he’d been in at one particular point in time, although his mind had yet to decide which point that was. He’d started to lose the muscle mass his body prided itself on. Of course he’d never been bulky but the long, lean muscles had been beginning to deplete into something wholly unattractive. Viktor seemed to be as put off by it as Elijah had been on discovery and the two had trained together until the days they had left to spend together ran out and Elijah found himself back in the school. He’d gotten into the habit of getting up and going for a run. With the nicotine cravings setting in thick and fast though, his desire to go out every morning was waning fast.

This time, Elijah was keeping off of the cigarette for good. Perhaps he’d treat himself once and a while, therefore not keeping off of them for good, and become a social smoker. Then, to combat that, he’d become antisocial and a recluse, spending many days in the library at the manor. Merlin knew how attractive that idea sounded, even without the smoking titbit. He adored books, he always had done. It seemed as if his elder self had forgotten that and Elijah was saddened to find that. With Micah’s love of books and Stelladora’s adoration for anything fairytale based, it was no wonder why Elijah loved the leather bound narratives so much. He knew that somewhere, his elder self had still harboured that love for learning and reading but it seemed lost in the blur of sex, cigarettes, alcohol, paint and both sexes. It didn’t shock Elijah in the least that he remembered so very little of Paris, it wouldn’t surprise him to find that he had spent most of that time wasted and in someone’s bed. It was a wonder he got any painting done at all.

Elijah was a fool to think that Mira wouldn’t have noticed his absence. It was a wonder she hadn’t contacted his father. She had a right to know where he’d been but he didn’t know how to phrase it so she wouldn’t be alarmed. The only thing he didn’t quite recall was who Obliviated him. The single most important memory could not be recalled enough to identify the person. He remembered it well enough but not with great clarity. It frustrated Elijah to no end and he had gotten fairly snippy with anyone who had asked. He couldn’t remember. Whoever it was had succeeded in the most important part of their endeavour. Obviously they’d failed to kill him and thereby failed spectacularly but they had succeeded in making themselves unrecognisable. Matters were made worse by the preparations that had been being made around Elijah for the wedding between his father and a woman neither he nor Cecilia had met yet.

She was a broodmare, simple as that; nothing like Marina had been.

Steadying his shaking hands, Elijah looked up at Mira. He cleared his throat and rose to his feet. He walked around to the foot of the bed and opened up his trunk. He rooted around inside and soon found a clean-ish shirt. He shrugged it on and buttoned it up, knowing that his nakedness was most likely upsetting Mira in some way. She’d always been hyper aware of him and it unnerved Elijah even now after growing up with her. He certainly missed her. Or at least, he had missed her while he was in Bulgaria. Now, he was fine. He was glad she was near. He realised just how important her presence was to him. They’d had dinner with the Andersons one night and Elijah found himself constantly looking to the chair Mira had always sat in, his eyes not even straying once to Alice’s chair. He’d missed Mira and now here she was his for the taking. Elijah didn’t know what to do with her though. He felt an almighty pull towards her. He wanted her, he needed her yet he didn’t know how he was supposed to go about getting her.

When Mira inquired about Chase, Elijah’s fingers stalled on the last button on his shirt. He blinked at her and dropped his hands down to his sides. He turned his back and reached up to grip the bedpost. He didn’t know why but even the name invoked the foulest of memories within him. He could remember that day they sat in the pouring rain, the sounds of her cries louder than the patter of the rain on the rooftops. He could feel her anguish inside of him and somehow that anguish became his, so much so that his knees buckled from beneath him, bringing Elijah to the floor.

The air was knocked out of him as he hit the floor. Elijah gasped and reached out, placing his palms flat on the floor. He let his head fall and he gasped again, trying to bring some air back into his lungs. The sensations passed but Elijah remained where he was, not feeling brave enough to move. He managed to speak though, his voice hollow and torn.

“She left. She took Fauve and Thierry with her...Kitty too.” Elijah’s breath caught in his throat and he felt his eyes burn with hot tears. They were his children. Didn’t she see that they were the stars and the moon and the sun for him? Did she not see that they were his absolute world? Did she not see that he loved them above everyone, even himself? Elijah’s arms failed him and he curled in on himself, barely hiding the sobs that erupted from him. It was the first time he’d cried, the first time he’d had to think about them too. He wanted to see his girls...apologize to his son...make promises to Chase he’d actually keep. She didn’t want him anymore and that was fine. He knew very little of her now. Still, he wanted to be a part of her life as a friend, especially if it gave him access to his son and his daughters. They were his children, his before hers. Kitty she could have. Elijah didn’t want to fritter her away but she was part of Chase. Fauve and Thierry had always only ever been his. He’d shared them with her under the assumption that she’d love them with him.

But she’d betrayed him and now, he lay there making a spectacle of himself in front of the one woman that couldn’t possibly understand how he felt.

Elijah was there. Then he wasn't. The strongest man she had ever known had been crippled by the mere mention of the redhead. She felt like screaming in fright. If Eli wasn't safe no one was. What other damage could be done to him? Mira fell to her knees next to him, her long back robes swirling around her like a storm cloud and she fell. Mira was slightly smaller than Elijah so she reached her small hands up to cup his face in comfort.

Elijah told her in the voice full of hurt that Chase had left and taken his children. A strange rage filled Mira. Who was Chase to take Elijahs kids? They were his. And even if Elijah wasn't the greatest role model for the kids he was still their dad. Mira wasn't the maternal type, but even she knew the deep bond between mother (or in this case father) and child. That wasn't something for Chase to take away.

She had no right to make him kneel before her like this.

Mira didn't ask him if he was okay. He clearly wasn't. She didn't try to comfort him. That would be useless. The only Mira he knew was one that would have laughed and said 'I told you so'. Part of her still felt like doing this. She wanted to shout 'I knew she would let you down, I am the only thing that is real'. But Mira held her troublesome tongue from saying something she would regret. Instead she slid her hands down from his face to around his neck. Mira pulled herself close and held him, although with her size it was more like he was holding her. I guess some things went both ways.

There was nothing sexual about the embrace for once. Just love. In their hug she tried to pour her feelings into him. Though he probably wouldn't even notice she said it all. The feeling of his warmth on her body sent shivers through her. Only they were oh, so different from every other time. She would always be here after every heartbreak and heartache, and she hoped he knew this. Mira was happy that he had chosen to put on a shirt, she would have been very distracted in this moment if he had not. After a few silent seconds Mira pulled away. She stood up, and she could still feel the hard floor on her knees.

Mira sat back down on the nearest bunk, she didn't care who's it was. "So what are we going to do?" she said calmly, not allowing the mixture of love, lust, and anger to overwhelm her. But one thought did occupy her mind. Chase was gone. Elijah Krum could be hers. Would be hers if she had anything to say about it.

And in a second Rafael Armstrong was forgotten.

Mira was the only woman in Elijah’s life that had stayed constant, the only woman in his life that he could love unconditionally and who would love him unconditionally despite his choices. It didn’t embarrass him to realise that it was in fact Mira who he was sat with on the floor of his dormitory sobbing into her neck; in fact it was a comfort. He wouldn’t have rather had anyone else within. She couldn’t understand how he felt but somehow he knew that she did in her own little way. He knew that because she always had understood. She’d always understood why he was the way he was and she had never really questioned it. He’d treated her so poorly and yet here she was; her very presence evidence of her devotion to him. Elijah felt the guilt flare up within him. He needed to apologize to her before the moment past.

At some point, Elijah had encircled his arms around her but he did not know when. He fought to keep her close to him, the warmth of her body the reassurance he so desperately wanted and needed. She soon moved out of his grasp though and left him pitifully on the floor. Elijah blinked rapidly, flicking the tears out of his eyes, and looked up at her, reaching up with his hand to wipe his cheeks clear of the salty tears. He frowned a little at her words and shakily he got to his feet. Elijah ran a hand through his long hair and reached over to take a hair tie off of the stack of books by his bed. He tied his hair up and bit his lip, unsure as to how to respond. The one thought he’d been dwelling on, though was, stupidly, the one he chose to voice.

“What do you mean we?”

Mira didn't think she had ever seen Elijah cry. But for some reason those tears were some of the most comforting things she had ever seen. Despite the fact that they came from the pain of another woman they still meant something to Mira. That he dared to show his pain, or that he just couldn't bear not to. They proved that he was either able to feel deeply or just trusted her. Mira bet it was the former. With a relationship like theirs it was hard to trust the other one. But Elijah's tears seemed to confirm the change that she had been noticing in him over the last few minutes of their meeting. The question was, was it only Chase that caused this transformation? Or was there something else? It just didn't seem possible that someone like Eli could change overnight.

Mira ran her hands over the sheets on the the bunk. She hadn't even thought of the words when they came from her lips but now she realized why Elijah would be inquisitive. 'We' was a very strange concept for Mira when it was related to Elijah. They didn't go together in that way. Where some couples immediately became 'them' or 'we', Elijah and Mira had never seemed to be a couple. Though they had tried to be an actual couple once, it had failed miserably. They had gotten into a fight the first week and everything had exploded in a big fiery mess. It was amazing that their first romantic relationship had set the stage for the pattern they would carry on for the rest of their lives.

"I'm not letting you suffer. I'll get your kids back. Or at least help you to." It was probably a bad idea to send Mira off to fetch anything from Chase, let alone Eli's kids, and hopefully he would recognize that. If Mira ever came in wand distance of Chase.. It probably wouldn't end well.. For Chase that was.