It's Just the Way We Are

This scene was like one that had happened so many times before. Mira and Eli just.. were. No thoughts or precautions. They didn't even think about not thinking. Mira didn't think about what pain she would feel in the days to come when she saw him with Chase. She didn't think about him being a father. There was just them and this moment. Gratefully she accepted his kisses. The second she felt his tongue on her teeth she relaxed her always rigid jaw and let him in. His sent burned her nose but she couldn't help but love it. That sent that seemed so foreign to some had become like an old sweater or your grandmothers house. Both of these poor examples of Eli and her relationship but she got that sense of love and known. Because he was known to her. He always would be.

Elijah broke the kiss of too soon for Miras tastes. She wanted those lips to remain on hers no matter what. As he kissed her neck her skin tingled a trail of where he had been. She held herself to him like he was her savior, clinging for her life to this completely untrustworthy boy. Then his kisses stopped. His bright brown orbs looked at her and whispered only one word. Please. 

Mira removed her arms from around his neck and put one finger to his lips. As if to say shh like soothing a baby. Her face barely moved but for someone who knew her as well as he did you could see the traces of a smile in her eyes and corners of her mouth. Yes, Elijah had studied her mouth very closely. With her steady hands she undid the first buttons of her blouse. She took each button slowly, slowly exposing more and more of her porcelain skin. She stopped just when you could see the very top of her light pink bra. It wasn't anything special. Because for some reason she hasn't planned on anyone seeing it this early in the morning. He should be lucky there was even the delicate lace smooth across the top.

Mira reached one hand up and ran her fingers through Eli's messy hair. As her hand fell it brushed ageist his face again. Then it was back at his side. With a still sweet, but more classically Mira (sexy, sarcastic, etc.), smile she said "Always". A large smile and a small laugh came, breaking almost entirely through her icy shell. 

Mira pulled herself back to Eli, pressing her skinny hips onto his and kissing him deeply. She could taste him. Her lavender perfume was already clinging to him. Being nice Mira had it's benefits.

The temperature of the room jumped dramatically when Mira shushed Elijah. He pressed forward, wanting ever so much to catch her lips with his again, but was rewarded when she began to unbutton the blouse. A sultry smile spread over Elijah’s lips and his eyes darkened with desire. Elijah pressed forth once more as she laced her fingers through his hair. He lowered his head to her neck and dragged his lips down onto her chest. His hands found her hips and slid down. They dipped underneath the pleats of the skirt before gliding up her thighs. He ran his fingers across the waistband of her underwear and smirked as she pulled him back into a kiss.

With her body flush against his own, Elijah nearly came undone there. He was fresh from his encounter with Natasha in the kitchens. She had been unyielding and feisty, not leaving him to do all the work but at the same time not giving him too little to do. It was most interesting. This was one of those times where Elijah knew he’d have to work to get what he wanted but she’d be willing all the same. Frankly, Elijah didn’t have the energy for it. He had the want, naturally, but he was fatigued both mentally and physically. His limbs felt just a little too heavy but he was willing all the same. He didn’t want a quickie though, not this morning.

Their tongues mingled once more and Elijah’s hands slipped out from underneath the skirt. They found the zipper and he pulled it, letting it fall to her feet without another care. His hands drifted back to her thighs and once again brushed the soft material of her underwear. A moan slipped past Elijah’s lip and he took his hands northwards towards her breasts. She wasn’t at all what his body recognised, though. She wasn’t what he recognised at all. She wasn’t Chase.

Elijah broke the kiss and turned around, his breathing laboured and his hair dishevelled. Elijah threaded his fingers through his hair and bit his lip. He couldn’t do this. Not today. Not ever. Not ever again. He loved Chase. He wanted her. Yet at the same time, he wanted the woman that was behind him. He wanted to make her scream his name. He wanted to unwind her and make her beg for more. He knew he could do it. He had great faith in the fact that he could. Still, he didn’t want to betray her anymore than he’d already done.

He daren’t turn around but he lowered his arms. It was Mira’s move now. Elijah couldn’t bring himself to leave but he didn’t want to stay. If she wanted him to stay then she had to convince him somehow.

Mira felt stupid standing there in her underwear almost instantly. Kissing Elijah felt so right but a small part of her mind wasn't focused. She let him kiss her, not really doing much of anything. Her thoughts cycled around and around. She first thought of Alice. Then Chase. Then her oncoming herbology exam. Suddenly her mind was just running through different plants and their medical uses.

Mira opened and closed her eyes again quickly trying to snap out of it. Just as the sensations of his hands on her skin started to take over her mind again he broke off. Turning around suddenly all she could see was his back. A small pang erupted in her heart. Mira breathed in and out deeply as if to calm herself. The warm fuzzy feeling that had been there only moments ago seemed like a distant memory. Mira bit her lip. She wasn't sure if she was about to cry of punch him. Probably both.

Suddenly the breeze coming through the window felt freezing on her legs. She could feel goose bumps appear all over her skin. Reaching out she put a hand on his shoulder. It was light, not forceful at all. What had been so sure a moment before now seemed to be completely broken. Mira felt cold, no longer warm with love. Suddenly this morning didn't seem so special. All of the passion and fight was driven from her body and it was replaced by a sort of shallow anger.

Her voice was no longer soft. It was still silky and elegant, just more mature. "I know you don't love me. I 'm not delusional" she paused. Mira lowered her arm and walked around to face him. "But you do care. I'm not going to beg you to stay. But of course I want you to." Mira took another deep breath and opened her mouth, no sound coming out. She closed her mouth, then opened it again. "I miss you. At least talk to me. About anything, everything, or nothing. It doesn't matter, because we're made to be here. I lost my chance at happiness the exact same time you did. We used to have each other. But now you have someone else." She paused again, looking deeply into his eyes. "But I am still alone. And I still need you. And I'd give anything to keep that."

OOC: I couldn't think of what to say that would be interesting xD soo basically I'm sorry if it sucks

Elijah felt understandably bad for leading Mira on. He knew what he'd done (and what he was doing) was wrong but there was something about her that brought him back. She was a failsafe of sorts. She'd always been there. Always. She'd always been waiting for him and Elijah had a feeling that she always would be. He hated that. He wanted her to live her life. He wanted so much more for her. He'd ruined one Anderson sister, he wasn't going to be responsible for the ruin of another. He loved Mira just not in the way she wanted him to.

Honestly though, Elijah didn't know what way he loved her. He knew he loved her he just didn't know how or what kind of love it was. It certainly wasn't platonic and it certainly wasn't romantic and lustful (most of the time) it just simply was.

He could remember dinners in the years gone by, when his mother was still alive. He'd been a completely different person at home. At school he'd been a scared little mouse that ran as far away as possible from the bullies that stalked him so. His father hadn't believed for a second his son could be abused in such a way because he was blind. What he saw was a boastful young man whenever he set eyes on his son.

What he didn't see was the tear-streaked face when he was forced to nurse his wounds from the days, weeks and months prior. They weren't ever going to let him breathe. He'd had more broken ribs than the Quidditch teams put together an certainly more bumps and bruises.

Escaping was probably the best thing he'd ever done for himself. It opened up possibilities but it also allowed him to live. It turned him into who he was now, not necessarily the best thing, but he was who he was. There was no changing him now.

He may be lustful and broody but he could also be caring and open. He opened his heart and loved willingly and he lost just as easily. He wanted so badly to see good in people but he found himself wondering whether there was good in anyone, and whether there was good in him. Elijah had the best interests of other people in mind. He may have been a serial one-night-stand(er) but he made the people feel good. He made them feel wanted him made them feel worshipped for however long they were together.

Then he would leave. He'd blow in and blow out of someone's life, just like that. He knew nothing would last which was why he found it so easy to push people out of his life or leave theirs all together. He didn't have the strength to lose what he loved which was why he'd taken such a risk with Chase. He'd let her in. Perhaps in the end it would prove to be a mistake. There was still so much she needed to know but he was afraid to divulge.

He was scared. He was scared that when he'd finished dredging up everything she'd look at him and decide he wasn't worth it and throw everything back in his face. He was terrified of that happening.

All he'd ever wanted was to be loved. No one ever really wanted to supply that and if they did then it wasn't the people he wanted the love from. Stelladora, his nurse, she loved him. Micah, his tutor, he loved him. He had fallen in love with the idea of his parents being these superheroes as a child. He'd wait in the foyer, his face alight, for them to come through the door.

They never loved him though. They never hugged him, nor kissed him and his mother probably didn't even know he existed.

All he wanted was to be loved. There were all these people expecting him to love them but he often didn't feel a shred of it back. Or at least, he didn't believe in it. That was why he ploughed through as many people as he did because in moments when both felt pure, unadulterated pleasure, there was a flash of love. There was a flash of need and a flash of admiration and appreciation. He didn't want any of the latter ones but he thrived on the feeling that there really could be love between two people.

So although he loved easily, he often felt that he couldn't find any of that in the other person.

Then there was Mira, who waited. Mira The Constant. Always only ever waiting. Waiting for him to love her too. And he wanted to. Merlin knew he wanted to. He just...couldn't. It wasn't a case of 'wouldn't' he just...couldn't and didn't.

Her small hand on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts and Elijah turned. He swallowed and his hands took the blouse. Slowly he began to button it up, concealing her chest from his lecherous gaze. Elijah listened to her as he did this and continued to as he reached down to gather her skirt up. He slid it back up her legs and secured it before meeting her gaze.

"I do love you," He whispered. "Just not the way you want me to." Elijah sighed shakily and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry." He took her face in his hands and leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. He rubbed his thumb across her cheekbone and smiled sadly. "I'll stay. I have to be honest, I've missed you too. I feel as if in these past ten months...I've been a world away from you and I hate that feeling. I will always be here for you, Mira, in whatever form you need me in. I'm yours."