Erase the memories or learn to live with them.

There wasn’t a single cigarette in the house. The alcohol was gone and, out of desperation for both, so was everyone else. Even Fauve and Thierry had left but they hadn’t left for selfish reasons. They had their education to worry about. They were with Micah at the local school. Elijah was sat on one of the benches outside, mincing through his thoughts. His elbows were resting on his knees and his eyes were trained on the grounds as animals of all shapes and sizes crept out of the woods and began to explore the garden. A small band of rabbits had entered the maze and a concerned deer had followed after them not long after, making the stoic Slytherin crack a small smile.

Elijah had been home not forty-eight hours and he hadn’t spoken to a single person. He’d only played with his dinner the night before and he’d barely slept. He was beginning to concern his family who were still in the house. He’d brushed off Harry - -something he’d never done – and ignored Elisabeth as she shouted at him from the foot of the staircase he was climbing. He felt like a corpse yet his mind was whirling still. Selene’s words had been so simple yet they’d cut him into a thousand pieces. Everything had fallen apart and he couldn’t take it. He knew he couldn’t. That was why he distanced himself so far from it all.

He couldn’t breathe anymore. Elijah knew there was a weight on his chest but it had gotten heavier. He was suffocating. He couldn’t call for help – he was on his own.

Elijah dropped his head into his hands. He exhaled shakily and closed his eyes. He could hear the animals bounding around the grounds. They were so content, so carefree, and here he was, barely getting through the minutes that were passing.

They had called upon the school yesterday, saying that Elijah had come home, and wasn't acting right. Saying he was quiet, moody, distant, and something was horribly wrong.. she was needed. Chase had packed up that night, and when she was sure no one but Elijah would be at the house, she was flooed there from a teacher's office. Chase made her way upstairs, and glimpsed Elijah in the garden from one of the windows, and sighed softly, putting her stuff in an empty room, just making sure that if things didn't work out well, she wouldn't feel awkward having to sleep in the same room as him. She hadn't known how long she would be here, so she had packed heavily, planning for an extended stay.

After Chase got herself settled, she went to the window and looked down at him. He did seem a mess, something was bugging him.. in his mind, something that hadn't been there before, something that she wasn't sure how to fix unless she knew what was wrong. So, after a moment of watching him, she went downstairs again, and left through the front doors. Animals were everywhere today, rabbits, and deer, birds, and squirrels. A doe came up to Chase nearly directly after she had left the house, and Chase sat petting it gently for a long moment until she walked, the doe following, over to Elijah. Coming up from behind Elijah, she watched the back of his head carefully, before taking light steps around the bench and sat down beside him. Not saying a word. She looked at a group of rabbits as they marched, almost merrily looking, out of the maze, a deer following them out. The doe that had follow Chase came around and lay down on the ground next to the bench like an obedient dog, and sat there, it's ears twitching as it listened to the sounds of the ground. Chase slowly turned her head and looked at Elijah, still not having said anything, hoping he would speak of his own accord.

Nothing about the woods had changed. He could still see the same opening in the bracken; the same opening that he’d jumped through that night as he ran after her kidnappers...and later her murderers. Elijah shuddered and lifted his head out of his hands. He threaded his fingers through his hair and pulled – but it wasn’t enough to take the hair from his skull. Elijah laced his fingers together and leaned his elbows back down against his knees. Glaring out at the bracken, Elijah remembered the feeling of the thorns as they pulled at his clothes and skin. He remembered the first trickles of blood – the first of many. Elijah averted his gaze and looked down at a pair of rabbits ushering their children across the yawn. He smiled a little and listened as the sound of feet crunching against gravel became clearer. He felt someone sit down beside him and cast a look to his left. Sure enough, Chase was there; as if by magic.

She was waiting for him to say something. Elijah didn’t know where he was supposed to begin, though. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair again. It was a bird’s nest now but really and truly, he just didn’t care. Elijah nibbled on his bottom lip and looked at Chase. He took his eyes off of the vibrant redhead and let them drift down to her stomach where Kitty lay. Both of his girls were beautiful. Chase was glowing with pregnancy and Kitty was making her mother more and more swollen. Elijah reached down and took her hand in his own. He brought it up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. He brought it back down but did not let go, instead he began to caress the back of it with his thumb.

“Her name was Alice. She was eight-years-old when she died.” He began quietly, his voice raw and full of bottle up emotions. “We were playing over there, by the maze. That day was going to be my favourite day. We’d spent all day together without interruption. The snow was on the ground and we were prancing about like the horses in their paddock. It got late – later than we realised – and these Muggles appeared on the grounds. I don’t know how and I don’t know why but they were there. They took her and disappeared into the woods. Stupidly, I followed. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to save her. I wanted to be her hero – like she always said I would be. But I failed didn’t I? I watched her die. They made me watch her torture. They made me look into her eyes. They made me listen to her scream. And then they were gone. It was just us again. I could have pretended it never happened but her blood stained the snow. It was the only shock of colour in the whole wood. I gathered her up into my arms and I held her. The blood stained me as much as it stained her. They found us in the morning. Or rather, they found me. The other group found her. It’s a wonder I wasn’t blamed. I loved her so much. I can still hear her now...screaming. The wind carries its voice on her back and her scent in its arms. I couldn’t protect her. I should have been able to save her. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I let her down and it cost her her life.

Chase watched with a broken heart, as he lifted her hand to his lips, touching it gently, before lacing his fingers in hers and running his thumb over the back of her hand. She listened to him speak, speak a story of his past that had shaped him and made him become as he was. Alice had died, he had been forced to watch as she was tortured, and killed in front of him. A poor defenseless girl, who shouldn't have died in such a cruel way. Elijah, who had loved her, watched as she died by their hands. Chase felt a few tears run down her face, but once he was done talking, they stopped. She bit her lower lip and then lifted his hand up, touching her lips to the back of it, taking in his scent, the texture of his skin. She sighed softly, letting her breath wash over that tiny section of skin.

Finally though, she put his hand back down in her lip, her fingers still interlaced with them, and she took a deep breath, thinking about what she was going to say. "Last year... I was a normal girl... nothing bad ever happened to me.. I was happy, carefree, I never cried. I had the best of friends anyone could have, and I was an airheaded prep.." She said softly, a small smile playing across her lips. "It all happened after I met a boy on the lawns.. and since then.. every day was a struggle to get out of bed... for I met this boy... and we hit it off... but I was attacked on the lawns of Hogwarts by two Death Eaters, they tortured me.. and they tortured him.. I was forced to torture him... watched as he was nearly killed.. put into a coma... and then watched as his entire way of life changed after that..."

"Since that day... I've been tortured, abused, pushed, pulled, stabbed, thrown, depressed, upset, and confused... I've been hurt in ways you couldn't imagine, starved, knocked unconscious, and I watched my entire family get murdered by one of my best friends friend... but do you want to know what the worst pain I've ever felt was? It was the first time I saw you cry... it tore my soul apart, made me buckle down, hate myself, want to tear my hair out.. it hurts so much to see you upset, and when I look at you.. like this, it hurts more then being stabbed with a knife.. being thrown into walls, hurts worse then the cruciatus curse... and why do you think that is Elijah Krum?" She asked softly, her eyes finally finding his. "It's because I love you.. From the day we met.. until the end of the universe.. I will love you.. and it hurts so much to see you like this.. I know how it is to feel so much pain you wish you could just.. forget, and I was weak.. I DID forget... of course until I was thrown into a wall by the man who killed my family and tortured, to the point where I thought I was going to die, and saw my entire life flash before my eyes..." She said with a small smile. "But I did forget for a long time.. I forgot.. and it was the worst mistake of my life.." She said softly.

"Elijah.. it hurts.. and it will hurt, it will always hurt... but think for a moment.. look up and look PAST the trees, look past the pain, the memories, the air itself.. watch the sunrise on the beach... hold hands.. laugh... and know that even though it hurts to think of all of that past suffering, it has made you who you are today.. and know that they are in a happier place.. looking down on us.. past that veil... smiling as we live out lives... they wouldn't want us unhappy Elijah... they wouldn't..." She said and then turned so she was facing him, cupping his face in her hands and looking into his eyes. "I don't want you unhappy... I just want to be there for you.. I want to be the comfort you are for me... can I do that Elijah? Can I be your comfort?" She asked softly, her eyes searching his sadly, trying to figure out what was going on in his head. "Can you love me the way I love you?"

It was clear which half of the couple was the weaker side. Elijah. Dear sweet Elijah that everyone adored and everyone praised because that was all they knew what to do with him. Dear sweet Elijah who kissed his cousins in a way that they shouldn’t have been. Dear sweet Elijah who lost his virginity in a gaudy bedroom in Paris. Dear sweet Elijah...the bittersweet poison – the capsule that no one wanted to take yet still did because they ‘loved’ him. To love so easily meant disaster. Elijah had seen it and he’d dealt with the results. He didn’t want to have to deal with that again. In loving Chase, he set himself up for a fall yet what he failed to realise was that the distance he put between them was the distance that could kill her.

“I’m scared of forgetting her.” Elijah whispered. “I’m scared of waking up one morning and not remembering who she was. I’ve forgotten her smile, her laughter, the way her eyes used to glint in the late afternoon sunlight. I’ve forgotten everything about her. I have my memories but they’re getting vaguer and vaguer as each year passes. I lost her but in my head I still got to keep her. I can’t lose her, not again. I can hide it all can’t I? I can make myself forget with prissy little women and alcohol and cigarettes but those memories are always there. All I can remember of her now is the blood...the screams...the smell. I can’t remember her happiness. I can only remember the moment when her life was torn away from her and mine went with it. I don’t know who I am or why I am who I am. I just do what I do because it takes the pain away. It’s not just her either, though. It’s my mother, my father...their rejection of me as a child. I have to know that even in strangers I can find even a shred of love that is directed at me. I might want love but I’m terrified of giving it back, Chase.

“I loved and lost. I was a child that felt so strongly about her yet didn’t know what it meant. When she was taken from me, there was nothing left of me. You, Chase, are the only person I’ve ever wanted to love back after her. I can’t lose you, though. I couldn’t bear it. Not again.” Elijah turned and cupped her face in his hands. “I can’t survive another blow like that. I couldn’t do it. You have me, heart, body and soul and I will follow you to the ends of this earth and beyond if it means I can keep you. I love you so much but I don’t know how to prove to you how much I do. You seem to doubt me a little bit more every day. Listen to me now when I say this.” Elijah unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt and took Chase’s hand. He pushed the material away and placed her hand over his heart.

“This beats because I have you. It beats unevenly but the cracks are slowly sealing up. You are the only reason I am still here. Even that bloody therapist wondered why I hadn’t killed myself by now. I always felt like I was looking for something and then....and then I met this redhead,” Elijah smiled slowly. “She was a pretty little thing – not too bright mind you – with hips that were made for my hands I don’t doubt. She waltzed up to me and stole my cigarette. Two drags and I was gone. I was in love with her. I wanted to paint her. I wanted to worship her. Then of course I realised how incredibly fertile she was and I decided that I wanted to marry her.” Elijah searched Chase’s eyes and found nothing but pure unadulterated love there. “I want to marry you, Chase. I don’t care whether it’s today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. I know it’s only a bit of f-cking paper but you are my world. Do I have to hang you upside down to make you realise just how much I love you?”

Elijah got to his feet and knelt down before Chase. He smiled cheekily and said aloud. “Why can you never leave me to brood you silly, silly woman?” He asked her. “Not that I mind.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her swollen stomach. He dusted his nose across the surface and whispered his hellos to Kitty. Elijah brought his head back and looked up at Chase. He glanced down at his hands and took the engagement ring that belonged to his grandmother, off of his littlest finger. He held it up for Chase to see and he himself looked at the diamonds and sapphires as they glistened in the sunlight. “Chastity Evelyn Moor. Will you, by any chance, take pity on this poor, love-stricken mortal and do him the honour of becoming his wife?” Elijah closed his eyes and bit his lip; hoping against hope that the goddess before him would take pity on him and in fact marry him.

Chase bit her lip and looked at him. "You will forget her.. things like that.. it's how we recover from grief... forgetting is natural... You will forget the little things, but the most important part.. is that you remember her.. remember her for how she was.. remember her for her name.. if that is all that is left, you will love her.. you will grieve over her... but sometimes, it's for the best..." She said softly and moved a bit closer to him, leaning towards him slightly. "Time happens Elijah.. and we all change, it's nature..." She said softly, her eyes staring at his, but somehow not at his, looking at the color, the shape, the way he moved them, until they finally settled on looking into his eyes, instead of around them.

Chase listened to him speak, and she knew he was right. Everyday, her love for him got a tiny bit confused, a tiny bit doubtful, afraid even about how he thought of her. She had been so afraid that he was falling away from her, leaving her to fend for herself again. It was her biggest fear, the biggest fear that had ever entered her mind, and it got worse, everyday that she didn't see Elijah, wasn't reminded that he loved her, that fear came on more and more strongly, and it scared her to death, and yet here he was.. saying he wanted to Marry her, never let her go. Chase started to feel tears prick her eyes, but this time they weren't sad, they were incredibly happy, his words were making her fears disappear like a fog on a summer's day.

When he got down in front of her, Chase felt her heart skip a beat. Was he really going to? Was it possible...He kissed her stomach, and she smiled at him, shaking her head and listening as he whispered to her belly, telling Kitty hello. Her eyes widened however when he looked down at his hand, and pulled off one of the rings there. A beautiful ring with diamonds all over it. Her breath caught in her throat when he showed it to her, and she leaned forward slightly, her eyes on his as he looked back up at her. He was asking if she would marry him. Marry him.. the words rung like bells in her head, her eyes widened as he closed his, waiting for her answer, and without taking a moment to think of it, she leaned down, took the ring from him, and then continued down to place a soft kiss on his lips. "You silly man, did you honestly expect me to say no?" She whispered, her lips inches from his. "Yes.. I will marry you Elijah Krum. I will marry you." She said and hugged him around the neck hard, her cheek pressed against his as she took in his scent, his feel, his love, and poured it back tenfold, all in that simple hug.

What Elijah feared the most had already happened. He’d forgotten nearly everything about Alice; everything that made her her. Chase’s hug wiped away any worries that Elijah had and as he wound his arms around her and pulled her to him he knew that it was the beginning. Right there in the gardens that was the beginning on the rest of their lives. The child growing within her was going to be born into a stable, loving family with everything she’d ever need. Elijah knew they wouldn’t be perfect but they’d get as near to ‘perfect’ as possible. His goddess was going to have to put up with the mortal for the rest of her life because he knew now that this was where he wanted to be. He wanted to be in her arms smelling the same smells that rose up out of the love potions they made in Potions class. He wanted to feel their child between them. He wanted to keep her safe. He wanted to love her. He wanted her to be his eternally.

Elijah pulled back from Chase and cupped her face in his hands. He pulled her to him and kissed her fiercely, throwing everything he felt for her into it. He wound his arms around her waist and picked her up as he rose to his feet. Elijah broke the kiss and span them around, a carefree smile on his face. He put her down on her feet again and brushed a kiss to her forehead. “What sort of goddess are you?” He murmured. “And what sort of mortal am I to deserve one of the gods?”

Chase smiled and moved into the kiss when his lips found hers. He didn't appear to be sad anymore, and the kiss was broken when he spun her around in the air, even with the extra weight of the baby, she wasn't that much heavier yet, though her stomach was getting rather large. She laughed lightly and threw her arms around his neck, smiling at him happily as he put her back on her feet, and she looked up at him smiling. "Goddess?" She asked with a short laugh. "I'm far from one of the gods love." She said shaking her head with a happy smile on her face. "If I am a god, then I don't know what to call you.." She said shaking her head and placing a light kiss to his neck gently, brushing her lips along his collarbone, her hands running up and down his chest.

"I love you Elijah Krum... I want to make you as happy as I can... for eternity and beyond.. me and you will dance into the stars.. and when we die.. our names will be written down in the books as the happiest couple in all of eternity, and we will be placed among the very stars we dance around in.. forever dancing okay?" She said softly, and her lips moved up to his, her eyes closed as she took hold of his hands and placed them on her stomach lightly. "Our child..." She said softly, looking up at him after she had broken the kiss, and smiled at him, looking down at her stomach. "The fruit of our love... in a human being.. a person like us... a living, thinking, breathing... darling baby girl.." She said softly, and shook her head again, her hands still resting on his on her stomach. "Damn.. I love you so much.. it almost hurts." She said with a short laugh, resting her forehead on his chest.