Rayasha May

Hey Maisy,
Welcome to Potter's Army!

So far the app is good but it's quite vague. The history seems a bit rushed to me. You need to take more time with it, read over it and go more in depth with it. How did her mother die? Where was she born? Where did her father live? <-- questions like that. Then there's the Hogwarts part. You have to do that too as she is a third year. You only need to do from first year to third, though. Also, with the early years, what was the family like? It sounds as if her mother and father weren't together and her relationship with her father is strained as a result. I'm not sure on that.

You need to add more to the appearance. She doesn't have a play-by so you need to explain more or less exactly who she looks -- for your own benefit as much as everyone else's. I like her style though. It says practical rather than stylish. I like it.

Personality! She interests me a lot. She clearly had a very close relationship with her mother -- perhaps that's something you could talk about in the part that lists her mother or in the history -- and she seems to have no personal trauma despite seeing her mother die. What specific moment conjures the Patronus for her? You put just simply being with her mother -- is there a specific time or place with her mother that makes the Patronus take form? The Boggart is interesting. Why exactly is she so scared of Death Eaters? I can only presume that they killed her mother. If she's so terrified, how does she handle being around children of known Death Eaters?

Those are just my queries! xD No worries, there. And as per the Half-Veela request, you won't be able to make Rayasha a Half-Veela but we can discuss another character with those genes at a later date. It's good so far!

- Eli.

I've edited it. If you read it closely you'll find the editing.

Hey, Maisy! Welcome aboard!

I've read your app, and I have some questions that we really do need to have you answer before we can aprove this.

1. Who's your playby? Got a pic you're going to mount up there? Or do you prefer your character to not have any sort of playby? If you need help with that, speak up.

2. You've made it very clear that she thinks her dad is a prat, but why, exactly? its a huge part of her history that you have left out. You need to tell us so we can understand her.

3. She was just 5 when her mom died? If she loves her aunt and uncle so much, why is all of her thinking revolving around her dead mom? If she was just 5, she would barely remember her mom.

4. You do realize that she is 13 and the site is set in, like, 2022, right? There is no way she could possibly have won a poetry contest in 1999. she would not have been born yet. And if she was 5 when her mom died, she would not have been able to write poetry yet. Please fix that.

5. Please mark any family members as deceased, if they are--such as her mom. Just put (deceased) behind their names.

6. cat? is it with her at hogwarts? does it have a name? what kind of cat?

7. rp experience? Give is a specific idea. 6 months? 1 year? What? Newbie? There's no wrong answer here. Just be specific.

Thanks,
K.