“Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name. And it feels like home.”
Jack whispered the song under her breath as she made her way down, a half hour before the New Year would be upon her. Her eyes were down on her feet, her knapsack on her back, her wand out and leading the way with lumos. In her other hand was the Marauder's Map, the faithful companion that had helped lead her out to the grounds. She kicked small pebbles in her path, some of the mud that perpetually gathered on her shoes falling off. She was in her usual garb; dark skinny jeans, a frumpy shirt. She had left her hair frazzled, not even bothering with a beanie. She did have her Gryffindor scarf on but she was still cold. It didn't matter. The freezing air would not stop her now.
Most of the students in Hogwarts thought that the castle had a tradition of releasing fireworks at twelve o'clock on New Year's Eve. What they did not know was that this 'tradition' had only been going for seven years and there was the possibility it would end this year. Jack liked to think that Keith may continue it for her. She also liked to think he wouldn't, that it was a special thing that had belonged to her, but she was realizing she was not special. She was not different. Just like no one else was. They all were enablers in the delusion. There would always be someone to take her place.
She stopped in the middle of the grounds and closed her eyes. A breeze came and tickled her face, pulling red strands of her hair spreading over her face, messing it up even more. She thought it was funny that redheads were usually given more sex appeal because of their hair color for some reason... Jack's hair was the exception. Other redhead's may have sleek hair, or exotic curls, but Jack just had a mess on her head, something comical and token to her. All sex appeal was lost in the disregard.
Still. She found it funny.
She slowly opened her eyes, a sigh coming out of her lips and warming the air in front of her, misting it. She could not help it. She took another breath and released it, seeing the dense cloud form that was her breath. Her cheeks were pale, already, from the cold air, the freckles clear. Her long nose turned red at the tip, her heavy lids falling over her striking green eyes as her lips twisted in the sky, giving her the look of a disgruntled smirk. She closed her eyes and sighed again, releasing all bitterness and succumbing... Defeat.
She should be getting along with it... She had never been one for ceremonies and yet she did not want to go about the business of taking out her fireworks and deciding where best to set them off at. She did not have the spark for it. She did not feel the need to celebrate the past year. It had been crap. She did not feel the need to mourn the past year. She was glad to see it behind her. And she definitely did not have any hopes for the future. Her hopes for the future had died a long time ago.
Her eyes flicked open and she saw the gates of Hogwarts and felt her legs twitch as though trying to move forward. What would happen if she walked through those gates? If she just said 'screw it', gave the castle the middle finger, and walked away from the people who had never accepted her, who had always teased her, who had feared her, who had let her down, who she would never consider herself worthy enough to be a companion to. What would happen?
Well... Hogwarts would lose the Triwizard tournament. That was one. The Gryffindor Quidditch team would be put at a severe disadvantage. Potter's Army very may well fall apart, seeing as she was one of the few attenders as it was. She would probably not be able to become a Magizoologist. Adam LaRoche wouldn't have a shoulder to cry on. Keith Nicholas would have more trouble with Sugar and Spice. James Wake would have one less distraction from his studies. Chase Moor would breathe easier. Ariel Greyback would never learn to fly a broom.
She sighed. She would not leave Hogwarts. Where would she go? Certainly not home, to her parents who could not look her in the face, to her brother who would not even accept a scarf for Christmas. Chip was gone. Elliot was practically homeless. She could never return to the treehouse. Andrew might return there, and Jack could not take that. She had spent the summer going house to house, from all of Chip's various homes and camping when need be. She had wandered all summer. Not all who wandered were lost. She had not been then. But she would be now. Because she had always known she had somewhere to come back to. There was always Hogwarts. But now...
I could always go to Satan's, Jack mentally quipped, smirking for a second. Funny thought. The smirk washed off her face.
Scratch that. It wasn't funny.
She sighed. She knew what was bothering her. She had used to be the kid who while everyone babbled about new year's resolutions or reminisced would cross her arms and astutely announce “I refuse to take part in the pathetic sentimentalism of New Years.” But now, her subconscious would not let her continue until she at least tried. She sighed. What had happened over the year? What good, what bad?
This year, Jack had gained important people in her life.
She had gained an apprentice. Keith. The boy she had walked in on tampering with illegal potions. Who she had helped more or less beat up someone who would later help her more than he could ever know. Who had showed up at her house in the summer in the midst of a wild goose chase. Who had developed a drug that she would have disproved of if she had not already changed so much. Who would continue to cause the hell she had liked to maintain for the staff and studious students.
She had made friends. Andrew, a boy who had just wanted to play a friendly game of Quidditch, but they had ended up growing closer as they realized they fought for the same cause. A boy who would end up dating a girl named Chase Moor, but while they were just friends introduce her to Jack and cause the three of them to be friends. Chase, who was everything Jack wasn't- pretty, popular, nice, sweet, timid in some ways, vulnerable, and worth saving. Who was someone Jack should have disliked based on conflicting personalities but had somehow convinced Jack that she was someone worth trusting. Who Jack was drawn to because Chase needed a protector and that was where Jack had always fallen.
This year, Jack had lost her family.
She had lost what was left of it anyway; an uncle and a brother. Her uncle to the cruel world of gambling and trouble that money and eccentricity offered. Her brother to a family who had conditioned him to fear and hate anything normal. To see change as something to be feared, to be combated, to be pushed away. To never forgive, never forget, and always stick by your guns. To hate the only sister you ever had because she was part of a world you could never understand.
The cold air caused the hairs on the back of her neck to bristle and stand on. Her scalp crawled and for the first time in a long time, her hand went up to her head and she felt the X of scars on the side of her head.
This year, Jack had been hurt.
She had battled a Death Eater and refused to scream. Refused to call for help. Refused to abandon a dying man who was talking about his ex-lover as she dragged him out of sight. Refused to cry while Nerezza threw curse after curse at her, licking blood away, giggling at Jack's pain, screaming when Jack refused to... Refused to let people fuss over her. Refused to make a big deal about the wounds that would never heal.
This year, Jack had shattered her life with the help of a stylish poltergeist.
She had never thought Vito would be synonymous with anything but enemy or rival. She would have never thought she would be stupid enough to go with him to his club, push his buttons until he stormed upstairs. Or that she would follow him upstairs, get pushed away, screamed at. That she would have been slipped alcohol. Been told the secret to his life. That she would push his buttons until he tried to strangle her, telling her he was feeding off the hate she had for him. That she would tell him she did not hate him.
She never thought she would see him trying to drink himself to death, nor that she would even care. Especially having just found out he had murdered Chase's family. But she had seen the losing battle in him. And maybe... if he could win his battles, she could win hers. She had dragged him upstairs and fallen asleep next to him. He had freaked out the next morning, tore her down, brought her to tears that she would hide. He had tried to hit her, instead choosing to hit a wall, breaking his fingers. He had collapsed in her arms, falling inside himself, unable to do anything but rest his head against hers.
”It's okay.”
She had to look her friends in their eyes and explain that she had no intention to abandon the man who had been trying to ruin their lives, who they could not even consider a man he was so vile. They could not understand, because she did not have the capacity to make them. Maybe if they knew everything, maybe if they realized everything she had realized. But she could never tell them either.
She ran a finger along the scar that created the X, the one that laid on top of the other, slanted on her head, barely peeking out of her hairline while the other one was fairly noticeable...
She had never thought she would have to save her best friend from Vito, stand between them, take a curse for Chase, scream with pain, pain Vito had caused. She had never thought he would take her challenge, raise his wand and send a killing curse towards her. Never thought that she could stand before Vito, bleeding, eyes ablaze, heart still untainted by hate and ask him if he felt better for having tried. Felt better now that he had at least attempted to kill her.
She had never thought she would become a drone, telling Chase and Andrew what they wanted to hear... and it still not be enough. She had never thought it would have gotten so bad that she would have decided to go drown out her pain in alcohol, something she was fervently against doing. She would have never thought Vito would find her, help her to Satin's, tell her he did not want her dead, carry her upstairs, and let her sleep in peace...
And she had never thought a dance could ruin her life.
She closed her eyes. She could not even force herself to think back to the day where she had been told to make a decision and she had chosen a murderous poltergeist, who drank too much, called her names, had tried to kill her twice, and was going to be ripped from his life over two friends who had lied about a relationship. She would have never thought he would offer her a solution to her problems, hand her a Hate potion, and she would be too weak to even take that.
She would have never thought any of it.
And yet it happened.
Jack had to stop her musings about the year to think about this. Vito was practically gone in her life, but the approaching summer almost promised having to face him again. She asked herself the question countless others had asked her. Why had she even bothered? What had been people's thoughts? That she had thought she could change him, that he was tricking her, that she somehow loved him... Maybe there was truth to all three. She had seen more change in him than ever before and she had not been able to bring herself to stop. He had tricked her into so many things, he knew how to keep her interested. And... she had cared. She did not love him in that she wanted to make him her boyfriend or anything, she did not think they had a life together. But Vito and Jack shared a connection she had never been able to explain. Hope and care wrapped into one.
She closed her eyes and forced herself to continue her reflection of the year. There would be nothing good coming from thinking to long and hard about Vito Dee Symons. She had tried before and she really was not in the mood to hit something.
This year, Jack had excelled in her interests.
Jack had become sort of a superhero to anyone who really didn't know her anyway. Anyone else would have known that she was rotten to the core, that she did not trust people and she should not be trusted with people. But she had taken over Weasleys Wizard's Wheezes, had become captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, taken over Potter's Army, and become Triwizard champion.
This year, Jack had done things she never would have done before.
Jack would have never let herself be weak, nor would she have ever let anyone try and help her, anyone see her weak. And yet James Wake had found her, crying and alone, in the Room of Requirement. Would he ever know how terrible she felt for having ever treated him poorly? Would he ever know that without his help, there was the chance she may not have made it, she may have given up? Would he ever know that she would always consider him probably one of the most important people in her life, because he taught her that a true friend did not care about how you are, but how you are feeling? That everyone was weak, that no one wanted to be alone, and no one should be? She doubted it, but she knew, and she would never forget.
Jack had worn a dress and danced in front of other people. She had allowed herself to be lead around a room, listening to her favorite band and treated like a girl. Treated like someone pretty and needing guidance. She was not sure she ever wanted a second experience.
She had let someone touch her, let someone probe into her life. She had trusted herself to be a friend to someone. Ariel probably had no idea how many of her own rules she had broken just on Christmas with him. He probably had no idea that any sort of sentimental words out of her mouth were completely foreign, and new, and... not too unwelcome. He had no idea that somehow he slipped passed those barriers that no one else had been able to pass. No idea that she had begun to be clued into the reason people liked having people around. He had no idea that she was starting over with him, allowing herself to care for someone she felt she was allowed to care for. Allowing someone to treat with her kindness and not question their motives. And he had no idea.
She opened her eyes, staring up at the sky and the various stars that twinkled down at her, the wised clouds across bluish-black night. The more she thought about the past year, the less she thought about how the things she had done that year had either been good or bad... She just thought of all of them...
She had agreed to teach someone something.
She had agreed to accompany a werewolf on a full moon.
She had gotten a month of detention without using something from a prank shop.
She had gotten a teacher to apologize.
She had gotten a teacher to revoke an unfair rule.
She had gotten a poltergeist to admit defeat.
She had gotten a pregnant girl to stand up for herself.
She had gotten her cousin to try and make a life past her.
She had gotten to ride on the back of the Loch Ness monster.
She had gotten herself in so many dangerous situations she could not count them all.
She had gotten pranking advice.
She had gotten drunk more times than she ever planned.
She had gotten a gift she didn't deserve.
She had traveled back to the 1920s.
She had given a stranger a scarf.
She had had a change of Patronus.
She had received stress beads from a Slytherin.
She had danced with a rule-enforcer.
She had danced with a rule-breaker.
She had consoled a heartbroken French boy.
She had called a teacher a twat.
She had refused to use Sectumsempra.
She had admitted she was not strong enough to cope.
She had asked for help.
She had grown up.
Jack felt her breath catch in her chest at this last thought. She had grown up. She still had the same red hair, the same green eyes, the same muddy sneakers, the same overused knapsack, the same outdated broom. But she was different. She strode over to the Great Lake and stared down at her reflection. Ariel was right... her hair was a little longer. But there was more. Her face was more elongated, her eyes sharper, her mouth a bit softer, her cheeks a bit higher, her scrawny arms more proportionate. Yeah, she still looked like a dufus... But a grown up one.
She glanced down at her watch. Not much time left now. She moved back to her original spot and dropped her knapsack, going through it and withdrawing the fireworks. She had already done what she needed to- cut the fuses so they were short but tied together... She would light one and the rest would go off... It would take seven seconds for them all to go off at once.
She quickly put away the Marauder's Map and made sure the fuses had not come unwound, that the fireworks had not been crumpled. She set them down and held her wand with two hands, staring at her wrist as she did. Ten seconds away, nine, eight-
On seven she pressed her wand to the fuses, whispering an incantation and seeing a spark hit the fuse. She walked backwards quickly, almost stumbling but made it back to her pack in time, her eyes locked on the fireworks. Because of all the things she had done that year, she still had one thing left to do.
Her watch beeped but it was immediately drowned out by a noise of a gong, which would echo throughout the castle and grounds as the fireworks exploded. She had to shield her eyes to prevent loss of vision but she knew that ever single type of firework had just exploded and was not shooting across the grounds, searching for open windows and doors anywhere they might be able to get in. A dragon of light soared over the lake and the squid saluted it, sparks of light streaked the canvas of the sky. She saw faces press against windows, though she could not make out from where or who they were. She pulled her knapsack onto her back and stared up at the sky.
This year, Jack had completed a seven year tradition.
by 
