It was difficult for Amelia to keep her eyes on Elijah, especially as his eyes wandered away from her. She wanted to watch his reaction to her question, to try to discern from it what he was thinking or feeling. But while this would have been perfectly possible if she had been looking at another park inhabitant, Amelia seemed oddly unable to read Elijah’s thoughts or motivations in his expression, which changed fleetingly as his attention dropped from an object he had been following with his eyes – judging from the height, it was over her head, so perhaps a kite or other flying object – to something closer to the ground. She was tempted to look to see what had caught his attention and changed his emotion, but she thought better of it, not wanting to be distracted from her task of keeping Elijah at bay. He was a difficult person for Amelia to keep out – the only person for whom this was difficult in Amelia’s case.
Whatever had been distracting Elijah moments earlier had ceased to do so now, for his eyes were back on Amelia’s and his hand was in his hair. It was a characteristic motion of the Slytherin boy, one Amelia had witnessed multiple times. In a motion Amelia had not seen before, Elijah’s other hand reached for one of the pawns that had realigned itself on his side of the board. Although Amelia could not see the expression on the chess piece he was holding, she was able to garner from his quick dismissal of the piece and the way the other pieces shirked from him that they could sense a lack of confidence exuding from him. In wizards chess, the pieces were very telling of your opponent; they can sense fear and inexperience, as well as over-confidence. It was surprising that the ebony pieces on Elijah’s side of the table did not sense the easy confidence that Amelia had always attributed to him, but when she took a moment to reflect on what had come naturally to them, Amelia found that she too could notice the absence of that oh-so-characteristic trait.
In the midst of her analysis of him, Amelia found Elijah’s eyes once again wandering away from the table. His reputation – at least what she had last heard of it before she left school – gave Amelia an idea of what might be on the end of Elijah’s line of sight, but she avoided thinking directly of this because it was painful to think that he might be already growing bored of her, as it seemed he had all those months ago. Amelia felt frustration welling inside her as Elijah failed to look back to the conversation, jealous of the fact that he could simply look away and escape what was passing between them while she felt unfairly jailed in the moment. It took nearly a minute before Amelia’s frustration became such that she was able to look away from Elijah’s distracted expression and follow his eyes to the source of the distraction.
If she was honest with herself, Amelia had expected to see a leggy blond in Elijah’s view, but after a thorough search of the otherwise empty area, Amelia had to concede that the object of Elijah’s attention must have been a small brunette girl, no more than six or seven, whose pale blue dress was sprawled haphazardly around her. In her hands, she held a paintbrush which was dripping black paint onto the canvas in front of her. Initially, Amelia thought it might have been the art which caught Elijah’s eye, but with a glance back to him, the redhead was able to recognize the affection on the boy’s face, affection one didn’t gain simply by related interests with a complete stranger.
Now that she had seen what Elijah had been seeing, Amelia found it difficult to look away. The girl was perfectly cheerful sitting by herself, without any visible parents as far as Amelia could discern. Amelia was unaware even of Elijah returning his attention to her, such was her interest in the mysterious girl beneath the tree. The child was not mysterious in and of herself, it must be noted, but rather mysterious because Amelia could not identify her connection to Elijah.
In seemingly a breach of character, Amelia had always felt more comfortable around children than any other cross-section of the human population. Children were easier to talk to and didn’t react the same way to her as her peers and the adults in her life did. Children had no expectations of a person except that he or she show them affection and attention. They didn’t ask difficult questions, and although they might pursue a topic with, “But why?”, they could be satisfied with a less-than-complete answer. But most of all, Amelia liked children because it was typically they who managed to see the woman behind the mask. They were not yet trained to fall for Amelia’s games of pretend or taught to be stopped by emotional barriers. They still believed in the good in people, and thus saw what good there was in Amelia – the potential she had for intense, undeniable feeling and emotion - even when she was doing her best to hide it.
It was Elijah’s fidgeting that first alerted Amelia that he had returned his attention to her, but she waited a few seconds more before looking back to him. As her gaze came to match his, Amelia could see that Elijah was making no attempt to hide his emotions, proving once again how different the pair of them were. As he began to speak, Amelia could hear the sincerity in his voice, even the pain he hadn’t bothered to hide, but before she could stop herself, her rationale set itself upon the words, breaking them down into component parts to find the dishonesty, the lies, or the sarcasm. Any of these would have made these words easier to hear, because they would have been what she expected.
But try as she might, Amelia could find none of what she was looking for. She should have been pleased, to know that the words Elijah spoke were true and heartfelt, but instead of celebrating this, Amelia recoiled from it. She was far more used to dealing with ignorance, intolerance of her behavior, and unwillingness to try. All of these had a carefully prepared response or a wall of ice to block it from affecting her, but what Elijah had said – or more the way he had said it – left Amelia without words she could bring herself to say aloud, holding back tears she couldn’t show. Although one part of her screamed to echo the words back to him – that she had missed him more than he could understand, that when he had left her life had seemed even less real to her than it had before she had ever met him – the walls she had spent so many years building simply would not allow for it.
Incapable of responding to Elijah’s confession, Amelia instead pulled her eyes away from his, as difficult as that was. With their eye contact broken, Amelia’s eyes wandered back to the girl on the grass whose dark hair was being tugged away from her by the slight breeze which blew through the park.
“Who is she?” Amelia asked with a nod in the girl’s direction, knowing that this was a completely inappropriate response to Elijah’s full disclosure of his feelings. But, in her own defense, Amelia believed that if she could root herself in something concrete about this current situation, then it might seem less like a dream of her own creation and more like reality. But maybe reality wasn’t such a good thing, for it was in reality that Amelia often came up against the greatest conflicts between what her heart wanted her to do, and what, in her eyes, posed the greatest threats to her personal well-being.