Jack had dark circles under her eyes as she trudged down some random street in London. She had slept last night, but it had not been comfortable. She had not been able to find a motel or somewhere to rent a room, so she had ended Apparating to the tree fort she had found not long ago. She did not have any ambition to return home or even to one of her various "safe places."
At least she had found a place to shower...So she had not really. She had broke into a muggle's home and used their shower. She had clean clothes with her so now she felt fresh again, though that did not help. It was drizzling outside. Again, her hair hung in stringy stands around her, making her very much look like a stray.
She even looked scrawnier. She had not been eating well the past week or so. How could she? She did not understand anything anymore. Literally, nothing made sense anymore. She walked by homeless people and dying dogs and she did not know what to think...
For as long as she had known, she had struggled to find a reason to live. Why did she exist? She had friends, but the relationships felt empty because they had no meaning; where would they end up? She had never had anyone to love her and so she had never understood how people could live on the hope alone that one day they would have a spouse to forever love them. she was good at a few of her interests, but wasn't good enough for the things that could make a career, and was great at things that would get her nowhere.
She had nowhere to go. She was destined to tread water all of her life, it seemed.
Perhaps that was why she had cared so much about what happened to Vito. If she could help him figure out and get his life on track...then maybe...Maybe their would be hope for herself.
But Vito had proved that there was no hope. Or so it seemed. And yet her thoughts still kept turning to him, but it would only make her sick to her stomach.
WHY DID SHE CARE?!
The bastard had tried to kill her and her friends! He was scum, he did not care about her, he did not care about anyone! And it disgusted Jack that she could not seem to move on from that.
She stopped in her tracks and her hands went into her hair. Two scars crisscrossed each other on the side of her hair, barely visible, but raised so she could feel them everytime her fingers fluttered to them. One was a horizontal one fron Nerezza. The other...from when she had flung herself out of the way of Vito's killing curse. She had refused to heal it so that she would not erase the fact of what he had done...
She had regretted that decision ever since.
She closed her eyes and tugged on her hair, as though wishing she could rip it out of her skull. Her heart crashed against her ribs, trying to commit suicide. Her eyes flicked open and her eyes stung.
She took in a deep breath and looked around. She needed to escape. She needed something...anything! She turned and saw a dingy sign advertising a hip new club. It reminded her of Satin's but she did not care. She turned and walked to the bar. She stared at the door and slipped inside.
She walked to the bar and tapped on it. A bartender practically materialized. Jack's voice caught in her throat and then she said in a strong voice. "The strongest thing I can get. Please."
She had swiped some money from her parents...a lot actually. The bartender glared at her and she pulled out her money, sliding the appropriate amount, and then another hefty amount. He glanced around and took the money, sliding her a shot glass.
She nodded. "Just this one." She raised the glass to her head and threw her head back. The burning liquid ran down her face and her eyes stung...but the effect... She slammed down the shot glass.
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She slipped off her stool as she slapped another on the counter. The bartender finally steered her over to a booth and forced her down. She looked up at him. "Leave me a bottle." Her eyes flashed crazily but he sneered at her. She sighed and pushed over a wad of cash. He counted it and walked away.
"That's what I though!" She barked after him. She smirked but she was feeling so depressed right now. She felt heavy, as though the liquid was saturating her and making her like a wet rag; limp and heavy.
It had stopped drizzling outside for the most part, though it still looked terrible and bleak. Her hair and clothes were dry but she still felt wet...She felt like a wet dog. She shook her head comically and grinned.
A bottle appeared in her vision and she filled her shot glass. She swallowed it in one gulp and hiccoughed. She shook her head. She would never understand why Vito drank...
She still felt like shit...