limping from the aftermath

Lily didn’t really feel like she was in even in her body, which was unfortunately becoming a sensation she was all too familiar with. She’d learned to count instead, to find ways to stay present and keep herself focused.

But she couldn’t get past four before remembering what she had just said moments before.

”Professor Lupin, I’ll make sure he gets to the hospital wing.”

The look of concern on Teddy’s face was clear but Lily had slipped away as he immediately became overwhelmed with detangling the stories between the girls left behind.

She turned a corner and spotted Alexander, and quickened her quiet pace until she fell into step beside him.

She didn’t say a word.

As his footsteps reverberated down the hospital wing, Alex suddenly sensed another presence beside him. Turning his head, he saw none other than Lily Potter walking by his side. An irritated sigh escaped him as he averted his gaze, for he had been attempting to make amends on her behalf and was not exactly in the mood for conversation.

For a few steps, they didn't speak. She could tell from his gait that the triple-attack had hurt. She was in no mind to say whether or not it was deserved. She'd made her feelings clear to him. Still, she'd never particularly been fond of violence.

Her hand slipped into her bag, fumbling. She glanced down, carefully sifting between the two bottles she'd carefully tucked away, and grabbed the smaller one.

She held it out for him. "Pain potion. It's mild. But still, you didn't get it from me."

Alexander's eyes flicked down to the hand that Lily offered him before meeting her gaze again. "I don't want it," he grumbled, his tone brusque. "Why don't you just leave like everyone else?" With a shake of his head, he quickened his pace, trying to distance himself from her. However, after a moment's hesitation, he stopped and turned back to face Lily. Speaking in a low tone, he said, "I already apologized, or at least I tried to." He looked down at his feet as he spoke, a tinge of regret in his voice. Then he turned once again to walk away from her.

She'd hardly force him to take one of her precious pain potions. More for her, that was absolutely fine. She slipped it back into its place, and thought about his question.

"I..."

Don't know.

She still felt he was in the wrong. She still felt very weird about her discovery that her almost-friend had been such a menace to their peers. She had a lot of uncomfortable feelings flying in every direction. Maybe she just wanted to run away too.

"I want to make sure you get to the hospital wing and get looked at."

At least she knew that bit was true.

He suddenly sped up and she glanced at his receding back, trying to decide whether it was worth it to try to keep up, when he suddenly wheeled around and glared at her.

She considered it. "Didn't go so well, did it?"

Her voice was mostly monotone, but anyone who knew her somewhat well might have noted the hint of a sardonic joke. Equal parts assumption he had messed it up and observation that it had not ended well for him.

He started to walk away once more and she followed, lengthening her stride. "It look sort of... angry. You know, for an apology." It wasn't an accusation, it was a request to understand. Because try as she might, she was finding she did not understand Alexander nearly as well as she thought she had.

Alexander's gaze flicked back to Lily as she caught up to him, and he gruffly responded to her questions. "I guess," he muttered, still feeling somewhat irritated. "She didn't accept. Stubborn bitch," he muttered under his breath as he strode down the hallway. Lifting his arm up to his shoulder, he rubbed it and rotated it, trying to work out the soreness from Jack's fancy muggle fighting move.

“Hey!”

She surprised herself, the word coming out as a half shout, though it was one less of emotion and one of warning.

“Why did you even apologize if you’re going to still act like this?” Lily demanded. “I don’t understand, you obviously aren’t actually sorry. Sure, maybe hitting you wasn’t called for, I don’t know, but she’s under no obligation to accept your apology. That’s not how it works.”

"It was more than just hitting, and once again, I'm the one who's getting blamed. I tried to do the right thing because of you!" Alex's voice rose as he spoke, coming to a sudden halt and fixing his gaze on Lily. "I've already talked to Lupin, and I got a week of detention. And then, with that star bat, another week. Both of them said they were going to make my parents come and look, but they haven't shown up. They don't care what I do, but you do." He shook his head in frustration, knowing that there was no way she could possibly understand. "I just screw everything up," he added with a hint of resignation in his voice.

"The detention is what you earned," she quickly refuted. "It doesn't count towards amends."

But before she could address what she really wanted to tackle, that whole 'doing it for her' he kept going, and she could see just how much of this had to do with his parents. How different they were. In so many ways they were similar, parents who could not be there. But it seemed that where Lily had accepted it, Alexander could not. He wanted them to see him, no matter the cost.

"They don't care what I do, but you do."

She considered this. "I do," she said, affirming that, before. "I did."

But no. That was a lie. She sighed. "I do," she restated, a bit resigned, but unable to lie.

"I don't want you to do the right thing for me," she said. "I also don't think you should do the wrong thing to see if your parents will finally pay attention." This was the crux of it, wasn't it? It didn't excuse the behavior. But it did explain it.

"We were starting to become friends," she said, nodding. "I have no problem being friends with a pureblood who has a shit family and a bit of a lone wolf streak." She paused. "But I'm not friends with people who hurt others because they're hurting. I want to be friends with people who do the right thing because it's the right thing."

Alex's voice rose in frustration as he retorted, "But what if I don't even know what the right thing to do is?" He quickly checked himself, realizing he didn't want to lash out at Lily. Despite their rocky past, they were slowly building a friendship.

He halted in his tracks, taking a deep breath to calm himself before addressing her once more. "I'm sorry for yelling," he said in a solemn tone, feeling uncomfortable with the tense conversation they were having. It didn't feel right to stand there with her, and he didn't want to prolong the exchange any further. "I apologize," he repeated before turning on his heel and walking away from her.