The society of one Jack Dyllan was not one of depth.
It was a society of alibis and unwitting accomplices. Her friendships were not of true kinship for that required a familiar sense she did not know how to encourage. The few people that had almost drawn near to her, Amelia, Chase, James, even Elijah… she would need to allow them in deeper and she wasn’t confident enough in their ability to swim to allow them into those murky waters.
So she did not question her incessant need (it was, wasn’t it, seeing as she could not and did not want, to stop) for mischief. If it drove people away, all the better. The people that were her people were the desperate and destitute, the failures, the unregarded. She doubted the disapproval they felt at her would be lasting.
Christmas at Hogwarts was sad but she brought the party. Of the less than a dozen or so of students that remained, each was offered a hearty swig of contraband whiskey and offered the invitation of an adventure into the Forbidden Forest or through one of the more haunted corridors. Now, at fifteen, she felt age beyond her years and as she snuck her fellow forgotten peers into the overgrown greenhouse, she felt that all she could bring to those around her was a sense of youthful hedonism, a sense of lighting the world on fire. Each Christmas holiday ended with a long bout of detention and the comradery faded quickly as she slipped back into her more solitary ways. But each time was worth it.
Because when you could not imagine the future, the destruction of it was something of a relief.
Quidditch into class into class into detention into Quidditch and shit her body hurt. It was almost a warm night. She was considering a float in the lake, accompanied by magical flames and a sense of quietude. Even loud Jack Dyllan needed a moment of quiet.
And because she needed it, of course she was prevented.
F-cking Lestrange.
She let out a sigh but it turned into a laugh as she walked forward, flopping onto her arse. “Alright, hand it over.”