As one reached thirty, those early ages of adulthood seemed more and more like childhood. When she had risen through the ranks of the American government, she had felt so mature and certain in her adulthood. To look back now, however, she seemed so... young.
She had tried to bury herself in work and shroud herself in clipped professionalism to escape the vulnerable embarrassment of finding herself in too deep, much too young. She nearly blushed when she considered that had she been a little less brave, a little less callous, she might have been Claire Ivanov, forever tied to a boy who had grown up to be a criminal. It was with distaste that she recognized this fact may have subconsciously steered her towards Law Enforcement. She didn't like to talk about Robin but her entire lifestyle seemed to scream 'I swear that is not who I am anymore.'
Not that anyone bothered to notice.
A twenty something blonde woman was certainly a novelty in government, but it hardly warranted warmth or recognition at first. Her superiors seemed to like her, maybe even enjoy her, but they were so busy that the bulk of their interactions were only telling her what else needed to be done, or could she also take on this special project. Her peers didn't seem to trust her, and her subordinates, once they respected her, weren't made easy in her presence. It was a lonely life. Elsie taking a job in the building had helped, and she on occasion saw Elsie's rich friends who, of course, had gotten into politics as well. But it was rare to enjoy a conversation with her colleagues. She wasn't warm or inviting, and was much too cautious to fall off the line she was so careful to toe. Besides, she prided herself on her cool, effective professionalism.
P.P.S You're so right. You clever, clever man. Take me now.
But this was different.
She didn't know who this F.W. was, and it had to be one of the most risky things she had done with her own career. How easy it would be for him to hand that along to her superiors - and he didn't strike her as someone who would blush at having his own memo's aired out in public. In any other circumstance, these memos were insulting, offensive, crude, a waste of time.
But as she added a last post script, she hummed along, her lips oddly relaxed. Almost like she was having fun. Almost like it was the most natural thing in the world. Almost like she could breathe easy...
A very tired looking Claire Bishop, years older, thanked the Swedish diplomat and wished him well on his trip back to the embassy. She had slept well the night before. The exhaustion she had now was not a physical one, but an age she didn't particularly think she wore well. She had fallen into routine, despite all of her knowledge that routine was the attractor of danger. Routine was what allowed enemies to study and ambush, it was what wore senses down and guaranteed false safety. But she could not draw herself from it. She worked out, she went to work, she picked up Sophie, she fed herself and Elsie, and then the next day was already halfway over without her taking a chance to look around.
It used to be that the interruption to her schedule found her. Jack Dyllan would storm upstairs about some case she thought the Aurors weren't paying enough attention too - but Jack had bigger issues now. Elsie would declare the nights a girl's night and they would end up having to apparate from some horrid miscommunication with a drunken man in a strange bar at two in the morning - but Elsie was aloof and attached. And Fred - well Fred had run away again, hadn't he?
She had no other explanation for it. She couldn't remember who she had heard say it. Her receptionist, with whom Fred was always sickeningly complimentary, or maybe Dyllan herself, or perhaps it was just one of those rumors that turned into fact without ever actually be stated. But Fred Weasley had flounced off to Australia without a word and despite what he had said last time, she couldn't help but take it a little personally. Round one - she had dared him to marry her and off he ran to the states. Round two - the mirrors and that mess, and then he was gone. He had been so firm in telling her it had nothing to do with her the first time, but surely he would be the first to say that only an idiot could believe a coincidence would repeat itself, or something to that effect.
She didn't mind him leaving, she guessed. It wasn't as if they were exactly supportive of each other.
But a goodbye would have been nice. She firmly believed she owed him absolutely nothing, but she knew this much - she would have said goodbye to him.
But he had not. Part of her had thought to write him, thought to seek out Lysander. But he had not said good bye which meant he did not think she was someone who had a place in his life to know where he was. He had drawn the line and for once she was going to respect it and not cross over. It seemed fair enough, considering the last time she had seen him.
But life did feel lonelier. And she couldn't just chalk that up to Elsie's distance, for old friends had reinvested and her relationship with her family was the healthiest it had been in years. But they couldn't quite do what she needed.
She had made it up to her floor automatically, and it was with a start that she received the paperwork Cathy was handing her. Cathy smiled, "Didn't meant to scare you there. You were far off just now."
Claire blinked and then her face smoothed over. "Right. Yes." She looked at the paperwork but the words seemed to be running together-
Her eyes snapped up to Cathy's. "Cathy. I'm taking a half day. I'm so sorry, I just remembered I need to pick up my niece."
Cathy reeled back, evidently shocked by this once-in-a-life circumstance of Claire Bishop leaving work early. She mouthed like a trout for a moment before saying, "Of course. I'll... I'll have this on your desk and take messages."
Claire gave her a brief, relenting smile and went to her office to grab her bag and change her blouse from one with a pressed collar to something a little more relaxed. Once she was out of the building she sent a quick text to Sophie's day sitter and to Avery, and then went on the walk she so liked to take. It was often that she walked there instead of apparated, as it was one of the only excuses she had to actually get outside. She took a deep breath of the clear air and held it in her lungs for as long as possible, before it all slipped out.