I need a life, do you have one I could check out?

Fiona Grimm still didn’t have much autonomy, despite the fact that she was now a graduate. Her father still expected her to remain largely at home, and the trips out she was allowed were usually ‘supervised’ by Arthur or Norman. Fortunately, she and Arthur were closer and closer every day to reaching some unspoken agreement, and both seemed to be just happy to go their separate ways on their outings. Despite their distrust of their situation, there was a trust that neither would tell her father. So there was that.

Even with this ‘freedom’, Finn still found herself spending most of her time in the old bookstore, settling into a nook with books stacked high as she tried to find some sense of self within the words. There wasn’t much discrimination between form, style, or genre, but the point was she only managed to take one or two books home each visit. Anymore would certainly cause a dangerous curiosity at home and if Finn knew how to do anything, it was how to fly under the radar.

This particular day had left her unable to read, however. A conversation between former housemates, planning out internships and summer jobs had overturned a sense of anxiety in there that had been pounding in her ribcage ever since fifth year. Orpheus had never discussed plans for her future beyond a marriage and the family business (whatever that was) and so she had never had the courage to develop an ambition. She had passed every OWL, every NEWT, but she had never thought about the careers they may lead to.

She didn’t have long before Arthur would return so they could go home, and she knew she needed help. She stood up and tucked her books under her arms, walking towards the counter. Of course. Of course, of course. It was her headmaster.

Heart pounding, she approached and set the books down. “Um, hello, Headmaster,” she said. She knew she had graduated. But no other name made sense. “I was wondering if you had any books on… career aptitude or something close to that?”

**

Keiran was growing frustrated. His research wasn't going anywhere other than exactly the wrong direction. How... predictable. He'd hoped, however foolishly, that he might find something to prove those who came before him wrong. But, evidently, that was not only futile but also presumptuous of him. The headmaster really should have known better.

He just couldn't bring himself to give it up, though. He had so little outside of class that he could do within the realm of his greatest passion and skill. Aside from the information he needed to find in order to try and transfigure or shrink the train, that is.

But his ponderings were cut short as a nearly familiar voice reached his ears. Keiran looked up, taking a moment to realize that this was a graduate of his, not a student. But he didn't bother correcting the title when she already looked a bit lost. No need to make anything more uncomfortable.

He considered the question for a moment, leaning back in his chair and shutting his book. As he set it down on the counter, Keiran tilted his head. "Well, I suppose that depends on what sorts of things you're interested in. I do have a number of books about different areas, along with things like.. autobiographies, I suppose. But those would likely be dull compared to what you're hoping for, wouldn't they?"

Pushing back his chair, he stood, heading towards one of the aisles. "Perhaps it would be worth your while to look at the titles in each section to get an idea for the sorts of jobs you might find yourself privy to in each area. Take my subject, for example. The Ministry has people that fix magical mishaps, putting the object right again. Or you could teach. Or do research, or spell creation. There are a number of options in each area, but in all honesty, most of them are quite broad."

He looked at her for a moment before shrugging. "Maybe start with whichever class you were most excited by in school. Going for what you did the best in may not serve you well, considering people may be naturally able in some areas but not quite interested enough to build a life around them. After all, that's what a career is. It's going to take up a great deal of your time, and trust me when I say that it will affect the rest of your life as well. If you aren't happy, it could easily stand in the way of your happiness in the outside world as well. Sounds daunting," he smiled, "I know. But if you find something that you love - no matter how many attempts it takes or how many times you think you've failed - well. That so-called wasted time will feel worth it in the end."

"The big trouble is that everyone wants someone else to read their minds for them and the make the world work properly." -Terry Pratchett

Keiran Hayes had accomplished a lot for a relatively young man - relatively only because as a girl just making her exit from adolescence, anyone older than twenty five seemed to belong to a world that was much more exclusive and adult than she could even imagine. To already be Headmaster, after time spent in a high-ranking Ministry position, was not something to be taken lightly. She imagined he had always had the drive for the position, that quiet certainty of ambition deep inside him, otherwise he would not have accomplished so much.

She didn't have that.

It wasn't like she hadn't applied herself. She had graduated in the top tier of her class, getting no lower than an Exceeds Expectations in her NEWTs. Even if she had found herself dealing with some semblance of a social life (she hadn't) she had enjoyed studying, oddly enough, finding pleasure in the only sort of journey her father would allow her, one where she tripped through books and sailed across indexes, thirsty for a horizon upon which she might find understanding. Even when she had not liked the subject, she had taken pleasure in trying to understand.

But that was why she needed a aptitude test of sorts. She could not study for a living, nor could she read for a living. In honesty, she didn't have to do anything to make a living, with her father's wealth filling her days up so long as she continued on with the path he had set along for her. And while she was not quite brave enough to break off her engagement, she wasn't nearly brave enough to face the prospect of marriage without distraction. So a career, or even a job, had to be secured.

But it had to be something even her father could approve of.

The Headmaster was falling down a rabbit hole as he chased a thread of thought, and she quietly nodded along, too afraid to speak up and reveal herself for the foolish little girl she was. 'I don't have any particular interests.' 'I don't mind autobiographies - other people make a lot more sense to me.' Or 'I have looked through the books, probably two times over, and I still don't know.'

His suggestions had begun to turn into advice and despite the fact that she was still at a loss, the way he spoke was very comforting. She had always considered the professor to be one of her favorites. At least to his students, he was mild and approachable, intellectual but firm. He made you trust in his expertise without making you fear your own ignorance. And despite the exhaustion that was sometimes evident in his eyes, he was always on time for class, always had enough energy to teach his lessons, and patient enough to help even the dullest of the students.

He was the sort of person that made people around him feel secure.

And so, even as insecure as she was about all her shortcomings, she managed to say, "I think my problem is that I don't necessarily have a favorite subject. I have ones I didn't like - Defense, for example, just seems so... confrontational in nature. And Divination seems like a feeling masquerading as a silence. But I did like school. I liked being given a task, a puzzle, and having a book and a wand to work it out." She deflated a little. "That's hardly much of an interest to go off of, though."

Keiran listened - casually, not overly seriously - and hoped that he wouldn't scare her off from her decision to explain herself to him. If he recalled correctly, Fiona had never said much at all, so this might have been the most she'd ever said to him. He certainly didn't want to give her cause to revert back.

He smiled to himself at her feelings on Divination, but that reminded him of Millie so he caught up to the rest of what she was saying.

There was a series of side tables in and amongst the aisles of books, so Keiran sat himself on top of one, a foot lifting into the chair itself. "Alright. Well, the puzzle bit would certainly work for research. Could do for spell creation as well, though I'd say it may apply more to the Department of Magical Maladies. To finding the right solution to whatever someone got wrong.

"Research.. I mean, it takes a patient and curious sort of person to do that. I'd not be able to sit in the lab or library or wherever all day. I need the interaction, the practice, the testing of new ideas. Right now, for example, I'm doing research that, thus far," he shook his head and laughed, "seems utterly pointless. But I'd like to believe that, even if it doesn't tell me what I want it to, it'll give me.. something. It's a bloody- .. Sorry. It's a lot of work. And I haven't near enough time for it, but then, I'm not in any particular rush."

Keiran lifted his hand in a vague gesture towards the books. "These can only tell you so much, in truth. I grew up around Potions all my life. And they were alright, but they were.. time consuming and the same thing over and over again. I never liked them, but I learned that from experience. My father was a brilliant potioneer. He made this draught that made it impossible for the Ministry to determine if a person could bear children. Y'know, to save them from that law. So he knew his purpose well. Perhaps," he mused gently, "you should spend some time shadowing different people to see what it is you have the patience and passion for."

He was so certain, and casual. It was a bearing she would never being able to hold herself to, a comfort she would never have. She was too meek, to submissive, to without agency. She had never had the freedom to choose who she was - so how could she ever be confident in it.

But she was patient. She was curious. She didn't know she had the nerve to be responsible for finding the cure for someone's ailment, but the lab he mentioned, the library. Merlin, it sounded a bit like a dream. To have a purpose and tuck oneself away from the world in pursuit of it.

He had said so much, and she had so little to say. She cleared her throat. "So... do you know anyone looking for a shadow?" she asked, a helpless little shrug tugging at her shoulders.