Be Fearless in the Pursuit of What Sets Your Soul on Fire

He didn't want to do it, but he'd gone home to see his parents after the school year ended. He sort of had to, given the boys weren't seventeen yet and had no other option without a floo or portkey on hand. But you know what he did have on hand, reader? Tucked away inside that jacket with the extended pocket, Apollo had hidden that all-important journal. The one Christian would never know about or be able to read even if he did. Lily's spellwork had proven itself to be phenomenal yet again.

They had taken the carriages to Hogsmeade and been picked up by Daphne, but the ride down had been a nightmare itself. He'd hopped in a carriage with Christian, Ace, and a couple of fourth years that had heard more about him than he wished. So although by the time they arrived he'd started to wish that hell would freeze over with those kids inside it, he forcibly cooled himself off. The time had arrived. He just had to wait a day or two before he could escape with excuses of the Minister needing his help and his apprenticeship and taking on more hours.

None of them were technically untrue, but they were obviously not the biggest reason for him to take off.

Love, he'd written in the little note he'd managed to sneak out without anyone noticing,

I'm not sure if you've left the castle yet. I'll be back at the flat tomorrow night, at seven. If you're free, I'd obviously love to see you. Wouldn't recommend that you write back, given the company I'm being forced to keep. But you can, of course, get through the wards if you decide you can make it.

Hopeful and still yours,
Apollo.

The name bit was a risk, perhaps, but whatever. He hadn't included hers, so perhaps that could be worked around. Students were all over as they tried to find safe ways home, and he had no qualms about making something up despite his final journal entry. No, he didn't want to lie. But he also trusted Lily to be careful or already on her way home if she were lucky.

The letter sent off, he got back to packing up his things and proceeded to pretend for another evening that he cared for his father's opinions. Blaise, of course, was trying to convince him that tradition and taking care of the family was more important than taking care of strangers. Would he really want to abandon his mother like that?

Not a very good argument, that. Particularly when one considered that Apollo had always felt pretty abandoned by her. Plus the whole thing about how normal people got jobs and somehow didn't lose their families because of it. But, y'know, oh well or something? Either way, it did nothing to persuade him in Blaise's direction, but plenty in his own. So while Christian stayed up playing chess with Daphne, Apollo took to his room for a decent night's sleep. After all, he had a lot to do the next day.

He woke early, announced his departure after an uninspiring and tense breakfast, and pretended like he didn't care when their mother actually looked relieved. Fine. That was fine. He hadn't expected disappointment. Christian, mind, allowed a flash of jealousy to cross his expression before he turned back to what was left of his meal. The Hufflepuff would end up leaving a couple days later, but mainly because the shop's business would pick up as kids from Hogwarts came out to buy summer sport supplies. But also because, inevitably, Ace would find a reason to come looking for him and he wanted to be there. Plus, he sure couldn't invite Charlotte over to his childhood home. Ace was quite right about that, despite everything.

But, anyway. Apollo had things to attend to before he could properly settle in at the flat. His bags were dropped off in the open-floor living room before he took the floo over to the shop and made his way around Diagon Alley to pick up the things he'd decided he needed. Not that he'd warned Lily about any of it.

He couldn't wait to get back. He had so much to do and wanted things to be sorted out just right before she showed up.

So, laden with bags, he made his way back to his flat. But, just like before Christmas, she'd beaten him to it.

I'll see you smile as you call my name
Start to feel, and it feels the same
And I know that maybe someday's come
Maybe someday's come...
Again.

So tell me someday's come, tell me some days come again...

There was this special sort of trepidation that came with a highly anticipated event. One couldn't help but worry as they got more and more excited counting down towards the special day that maybe... just maybe... it wouldn't live up to the expectation. It was an incredibly normal feeling, and especially if said event had the variable of another person and all of their complicated emotions. Wisdom would encourage hesitation, care, a leveling of emotion.

It was one of the few times where Lily didn't trust the wisdom of what she knew and instead relied on the instinct of her emotion. She refused to lessen her excitement, refused to guard her heart in the case of some disappointment. She knew she wasn't going to be disappointed. In a world of reversed expectations, the one thing she knew she could rely on was things falling back into order when she and Apollo finally put a door between themselves and the world and fell back into each other.

Lily had not wanted to help accompany the students and had instead been tasked with last checks of the Gryffindor dorms and common rooms, as well as a general sweep of the school, sending unclaimed items to the lost and found for the summer and ensuring there were no strange stowaways. The elves were a much more visible force now, as they swept through the castle with eager feet and busy hands, cleaning all they could not regularly get to during the year, taking down curtains to be cleaned, polishing armor and portrait frames, magicking up rickety ladders so the windows could get a proper clean.

It was quick work, gathering her things. An entire school year, and she had done such a poor job of making a home for herself in her quarters. She was starting to sense it wasn't a skill of hers, confirmed when she finally arrived back in her apartment, which was no more a home to her than a stranger's flat. Stomach turning with something akin to disgust as the level of carelessness displayed in the mess of her place, she flicked her wand and set about righting the room. Trash was disposed of, her mattress lifted and set upon a newly transfigured bedframe, laundry started, clothes folded and tucked away, dust disintegrating from the walls and lifting from the carpet.

It was then that the letter arrived. She read through it three times, eyes lingering on the name signed at the bottom, before it was carefully folded and tucked into her pocket, where it continually received the affectionate attention of fingers that could not help but stray towards it, reaching out to a singular link to a so-close future they had been anticipating for so long.

They. There was a comfort in the confidence of they.

Once she felt her apartment was finally put in order and her clothes laundered, she supposed she had better figure out something to do while she waited for Apollo...

But one of her bags from Hogwarts was hanging so invitingly from her closet door.

She had been there a few hours when the door opened. In those short few hours, she had managed to make some toast for herself (as it was all she could really trust herself to make), had put on some of her favorite boring telly programs in the background, and had pulled on one of Apollo's sweaters as she went through the food cabinets, cans and boxes set out on the counter as she sorted and organized.

She couldn't help it. She wanted to see the surprise, wanted to see him transform into the Apollo only she knew. So she turned, holding up a can of ravioli's. "These are four months expired, y'know."

Apollo hardly made it to the counter before he released his bags haphazardly across the surface. Somehow, he'd known something was different upon entering the flat. But as he turned his head and realized exactly what was different, he wasted no time. Shopping abandoned, he reached one hand towards the can in question and the other around her waist.

"I'll throw it out," he murmured against her temple as he set the offending food aside. Then he carded his fingers through her hair and smiled widely before kissing her thoroughly.

It registered far too belatedly that he hadn't even given her any real sort of greeting, so once he broke away, he offered a quiet, "hi," against her lips.

Strangely, his pulse hadn't slowed despite the innate sense of relief he felt because the year was over and she was here and they didn't have to worry about anyone sharing their opinions about any of it. But then again, the year was over, and Lily was here, and nobody could stick their noses into his business.

"You know I love you, Lil. But you are sort of ruining the surprise I had planned." He drew back, lifting a teasing eyebrow. As he started to dig through the bags for cold items to put away, he found it more and more difficult to focus on anything but her. In fact, "Is that my jumper?"

Not that he cared, obviously. Whatever it was that she stole, he had no doubt she'd look better in it anyway. And it was irrationally distracting. So he just kept talking. "I had this whole meal planned, and it was going to be supremely charming, I'm sure. So I hope you realize that I'm better at the whole romance thing than I seem."

It was exactly what she had hoped for - the quick ditch of his things, the shift from confusion to surprise to affection, the swiftness of his movements in getting to her. Each a physical manifestation of his desire to get to her, each a reminder that time nor distance could not lessen all they had come to mean for each other. They had waited (one perhaps more patiently than the other) and it was finally their time. Now was the time to rush and trip and fall into each other.

He wrapped his arms around her and she smiled at his words, tilting her chin in search of the lips she had spent months only remembering, never able to indulge. He found her then and she tried to will time to slow. It had trudged on so slowly when she had hoped for it to move quickly, and now she worried that she would blink and they would have to be saying their goodbyes. She just wanted the world to take pause so they could catch their breath together.

"Hi," she returned, having almost forgotten that they had actually properly greeted each other. It felt so much better to just jump back in as though nothing had happened, and her mind was already thinking of curling up on the couch to watch telly, or pulling blankets around them for bed, or dancing around each other in the kitchen as they tried to make breakfast. Skip the reminders of all the weirdness they had to get to, get right to the normal stuff, the lovely stuff.

"I don't ruin things," she said, tilting her chin as she turned away ever so slightly, arms lifting to once again begin sifting through the cans she had pulled out onto the counter, mindlessly rearranging them to pull off her casual air.

His question tugged her lips but she kept the smile off, playing coy, tilting her head to look at him again. He plugged on and she felt an internal flutter at the idea of him getting so easily distracted by her. Her eyes were still locked on his as she said, her voice all too knowing of his answer, "I mean, if I'll just be in the way, I could go..."

"Yeah, okay," he said with a low chuckle, deciding to tease her rather than confess that she certainly ruined his focus. But the way she looked at him in return suggested that Lily was completely onto him. Particularly when she made a completely ridiculous suggestion. "Like hell you will."

He abandoned the bags again, leaning one elbow against the counter after sidling back up to her. "Y'know, if you were to charm the shopping to put itself away, that would save some time. Time that, really, could be better spent on other things." Apollo gave that a moment to sink in before he added on.

"For example, you could tell me what I got on the Potions exam."

A proud smirk pulled at his mouth, knowing full well she wouldn't have expected that. Then again, there were probably other topics he could've grabbed onto. But whatever. They had months now. Months. It wasn't like they would get anywhere by ignoring her job. Not at this point. They were far too late on that front.

His chin tilted in a sort of mirror of hers as he reached up towards her hair, expression sobering somewhat. "I'm not particularly concerned, to be fair. But I'm glad you're done for the year, too. Now," Apollo nudged her side, encouraging to turn his direction again, "we don't have to worry about any of that. Just about us."

A few years ago, Lily couldn't imagine feeling so comfortable with this sort of knowing intimacy, this reciprocal comfort. She knew that it was impossible to ever know a person fully, to understand their every thought or even be able to read their intentions. But she felt a trust, or perhaps it was a form of faith, that she could at least take comfort in her steadfast belief that for every strong feeling she had for him, he had as strong a feeling for her.

Just a few years ago, she didn't even have enough love for herself, let alone for someone else.

Merlin, it was going to be a year this summer. A year since she arrived on his doorstep, a year since he told her he didn't trust her, a year since he asked her not to go, a year since they fell into each other and began to fall for each other.

She tilted her head at his words, eyebrows lifting in surprise - it was often that Apollo could be so smooth or so suggestive. Her lips parted as she was about to play into the suggestion when-

Her lips clamped together and twisted into a wry grin as she reached out to shove his arm playfully, admittedly even more surprised that he had managed to successfully land a joke.

But she did lean in closer as he spoke, turning so she could rest her head against his chest, quietly listening to the his words over the rumble of his breathing. She smiled and turned to face him at his touch, slipping her arms around his neck. "We have the whole summer. We should write a list. A summer bucket list."

An irrational swell of pride warmed his chest at her reaction to his joke, pushing a pleased laugh past his teeth. She was so rarely amused or impressed by his attempts, so this was an absolute win as far as Apollo was concerned.

He stifled his pride and laughter when she stepped forward again, curling against him. It was odd, he decided, that they were like this and Christian and Charlotte were so... bland. It wasn't like his brother didn't have that affection somewhere inside of him. Apollo was sure of that. He'd always been the one who found it easy to laugh, to share jokes and time and casual pats on the shoulder as someone passed. Maybe he didn't know how to make it different with somebody special.

Apollo was only like that with Lily.

He slid his arms low around her waist when she lifted her chin again, and he reveled a bit in how simple it seemed, for her as well, to just smile. He couldn't recall the last time she'd done so openly, and it warmed that rather silly, quietly fluffy part that only Lily was privy to. The part that, as far as he was concerned, nobody else ever needed to see.

Although he already had a few things on his list for the break - such as apparating straight home (hopefully to Lily, if she decided to stay) on June 8th, as soon as the Trace left him. And he couldn't remember whose idea it was, but they'd discussed a camping trip a bit later on, so there was that, too. Apollo didn't suppose that Lily would be able to come with them, but he also knew that there would be nights here and there when he wouldn't be home, due to his travels with Lupin. So they could surely get over that. But he'd still miss her, he had no doubt about that.

"Alright," he agreed, his fingers bunching and releasing the fabric at the small of her back. "What's on the top of your list? I'll make it happen."

Lily had no plans, no ideas for the summer. It was hard to think beyond the simple pleasures she had been denied all year - curling up on the sofa with him while muggle telly played in the background, cooking together, waking up next to him. Other plans couldn't compare to those quiet domestic niceties. So she lulled him away from future talk. They ate. They talked. They reconnected. And sleep overtook.

She was never explicitly invited to stay, but stay she did. He went off to work and she made trips to Flourish and other thrifty stores in the pursuit of fleshing out her book collection. She read, she wrote, she played with potions, she took walks. It was simple and uncomplicated, and by the time Apollo came home, the flat was clean, fresh ingredients were ready for him to work his magic. It was domestic, and simple, and totally unexpected.

And she wasn't looking forward to when it had to come to a close.

Apollo had been working longer hours and she had noticed he had forgotten his dinner for the night. A spell to disguise her hair length and nose, wrapped up in one of his flannels to further hide her recognizable frame, and off she was to Mungo's, a concerned friend bringing a meal by for the newest intern.

"He's tied up with the Minister."

"More like saving the Minister."

Eyes widening and heart quickening, she leaned over the counter. "What was that?"

But they were turning away and she felt like she floated backwards out of the hospital and back to the flat. She kept his meal warm and tried to stop chewing on her fingernails as some cake-baking show blasted on before her, completely incapable of focusing until he came through the door.

Someone had come by asking after him. No, the folks at the desk hadn't asked for their name. Oh well. He'd had too much of a day to wonder after who'd come to see him. Maybe it was Christian. He doubted Lily really had a reason to, considering it wasn't more than an hour after he'd expected to return that he ended up heading home. Right back to her.

For once, he wasn't sure if he knew how to act around her. It had been nearly a year since she'd returned to his life, but Merlin help him if he'd grown comfortable and used to her. Because how could he deal with everything that had gone on the last couple days?

Getting embarrassed by Michael was one thing, sure. It was a teaching moment that Apollo had simply failed. That wasn't Corner's fault. But it had put a damper on his belief in himself. Enough to redouble his efforts to improve, considering the instant he'd gained a bit of confidence and comfort, he'd been reminded that he didn't deserve it. And that was fair enough. He was only young, with so little experience.

But now, he felt more drained than he had since.. well, since March probably. Since he'd all but lost it on Lily herself, which was entirely unfair. He still felt bad about it. This was entirely different, obviously, and he still didn't know what to think. Energy Working was something he'd never even heard of, so much considered. On the one hand, it helped people when regular spells and potions failed. So how could he not want to learn how to do that?

On the other, he risked his life in doing it for people he didn't know, and had the assurance that he would see things he did not want to. So how could he ever want to learn how to do that?

It was a mixed bag, the whole ordeal, and he had decided to take a couple of days off to consider it. To just re-orient himself and to check in with Lily and just spend a long weekend with her.

When he walked into the flat, he still had his blood-stained healer's coat on from healing the elderly patients. His hair was, undeniably, a mess. And he still felt a little green from being thrown against a wall and having an uninvited mass of energy sent from his head, down through to his feet.

The television was shouting at Lily about lemon-flavoured buttercreams or some mess, and it made Apollo wince, his eyebrows pulling together. "Bloody hell, love. You're not going deaf on me, are you?"

Something seemed off, though he couldn't place it. He stepped forward, reaching out to turn the volume down as he came up alongside the arm of the couch. Apollo shrugged off the coat, squinting at it before turning his wand on it to clean the red spots away. It was then tossed on a side table so he could focus back in on Lily.

He sat himself down on that bit and extended a hand to brush her hair behind her ear. "What's wrong?"

Lily had sunk into a distracted reverie, one hand nervously fingering the edge of her collar bone as the fingers of her other hand danced across her bottom lip, staring through the television, the words wriggling to her brain and losing themselves in the swirling almost-thoughts that could not quite form in her uncertain state. And it was while she lost that the tired man she loved slipped inside, the sound of the door drowned out in the madness of a chef declaring his love for the homemade pastry of a mother of three.

She started a bit at his voice, hands falling. Her face softened at the realization that it was him, and then folded into apology as the issue of the volume properly registered. "Right - I didn't..." She turned one way and then another, hands running along the cushions in search of the remote, but Apollo was crossing towards the telly and turning it down manually. Feeling a bit useless, she turned towards him.

"Merlin!" she said, a soft exclamation falling from her lips at the sight of his coat. "That's not yours- of course it's not." Any rational being could see he was put together... even if he did look a bit worn out.

She felt her head droop a bit against his hand and a smile flickered onto his face, almost mirroring the exhaustion she could feel pouring off of him. But that wasn't what he needed.. He didn't need her to be tired with him, but be energetic when he could not.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," she said, reaching out, a hand to rest in the crook of his forearm. "I'm fine, just distracted." She shifted, figuring it was best to come out with it. "I stopped by Mungo's. You forgot your dinner - which, is in the oven, by the way. I was in disguise, of course. Someone said something about the Minister..."