You can't keep dancing with the devil and wondering why you're still in hell

"You can do this. Just lie about that or be honest. Ugh, I don't know!" she continued speaking to herself while she was going to his place.
She could just apparate there but that would be fast, too fast. And then, she wouldn't have time to think about this. I mean, she just gone for a year, without saying a word.

And now here she is, in front of his house but as Aneta, or Carmen.. Not Audrey.
Just not Audrey.

"You are nice person, Carmen is just one your bad part" she said and shook her head, because the thruth is that Carmen is almost only true part of her life. How she could say him that?

Hey, My name is Aneta but I'm using alias Carmen. You know, I was Swiss leader of Death Eaters, and I was bloody good at it, I killed some people. Maybe hundreds, not much at all.

She know it is a really bad idea but she missed him. She missed him from the day she left him.
Without giving herself time to think anymore, she raise her hand and knocked at the door.

Benjamin walked around the house cleaning up the few toys Jax had left laying around. He smiled as he picked up a fire truck that lit up and made noises, he got it for him on his birthday last week. He placed it in the toy box in the corner before walking into the kitchen to finish up the dinner dishes. He smiled remembering how animated Jax was at dinner, but he saw Jax looking at the other chair at the table.

He had looked at the spot too, he missed Audrey as much as Jax did. He sighed softly wondering where she was right now, he shook her head as he finished up the dishes putting them in the strainer. He wiped down all the counters before walking into the living room to sit down for a little bit. He was exhausted beyond belief, he had worked twelve hours at the hospital.

He heard a knock at his door and looked at the clock before getting up going to the door. He opened the door and felt the breath leave him the second he saw who was on the other side of the door. He began wondering if he was dreaming that she came back into his life. Or if it was real and she was back, he looked at her praying it wasn't a dream.

"Audrey?" He said, he voice was soft. His heart was pounding in his chest, he wanted to touch her face, but he was afraid it would break the spell.

This is bad idea.
Really, really, really bad idea. She should leave before he open the door.
Maybe he even isn't at home?
Or worse, maybe he is with someone. Maybe girlfriend.
Beautiful, younger and better than Aneta girlfriend. Aneta was afraid that if any girl open the door, she would kill her with Avada Kedavra curse at the same moment. She was killer, she could kill anyone and not even blink. Well, anyone except Benjamin and his son. And maybe Nikolai.

No one opened for about 30 seconds and Aneta thought it was some kind of God's sign to leave. But of course, someone opened the door and it was.. Omg!
He was even more beautiful than before.
Aneta felt breath left her chest and her heart.. Well, it could left her chest.

"No, my.." my name is Aneta. Not Audrey. Aneta.
She didn't say that, not because she didn't want but because she just couldn't.
"Can I come in?" she said after a million of years, but actualy after one minute.
He didn't hug me?
Why he didn't hug me?
Does he already know who I am?
Or he has a girlfriend?
Or he hates me because I left him?
She continued talking to herself in her mind while waiting for him to answer her.

Ben really thought that he was dreaming that she would disappear the second he touched her face.
There she was standing there like a angel, she was just as beautiful as he remembered.
He could still feel the connection they both had to one another, he wanted so badly to wrap his arms around her.

Hearing her words, he knew that he wasn't dreaming. Just those words stopped any train of thought in his head, she was really here.
Her next words caught him off guard, he reached out and touched her face.
He felt her soft skin and came out of his stunned state as he confirmed that she was real.
He couldn't stop himself and to be honest he didn't want to, he cupped her face and kissed her softly.
Breaking the kiss, he said softly, "Your in big trouble woman." He kissed her once more before putting an arm around her waist pulling her through the door.
"Please tell me that your staying this time. That your not gonna disappear again, I don't think my heart can take it a second time." He said looking at her

He told her the truth, he really wouldn't be able to take it if she left again. He wanted to keep her there and never let her go again, he loved her fiercely.

He touched her face and then her mind was blind.
She wasn't able to think about anything except about his hand on her face, so close. His touch was so soft, and in moment when he kissed her she was sure she is going to cry.
For the first time since.. time immemorial?
She kissed him back and then, when heard his words.. she just couldn't say anything.
Yeah, I know I'm in big trouble.. You can't even imagine.

Fortunately, he kissed her again so she didn't need to answer. And how could she?
He put his arm aroun her waist and he was so close to her, she can feel his smell and his body and his warmth.
She entered in the house and couldn't look at him. It was just too painful and she was sure she will start to cry if she looked him in the eyes and she didn't want to cry.
There will be time for crying later when she say him everything.

"I.." she coughed to clear her throat before continued.
"I'm not sure you will want me to stay after.. after I explain you why I left. There is.. very much things that I'm sure you won't be able to understand but I need to tell you because.. I don't know, I just can't lie anymore" she shooked her head and went to living room just to be sure that she will not look at him.

He never thought that this would happen in a million years, he thought she was gone forever.
Now here she was right in front of him, her skin soft and smooth.
He almost groaned out loud when she kissed him back, he felt like it had been forever since he felt her kiss.

Having her in his home again, it felt like she had never left.
He looked towards the hall before he shut the door to make sure that Jax's door was closed.
He turned to look at her, but he saw that she didn't look at him at all. He wanted to know why she was avoiding looking at him

He listened to her words and wondered what was so bad that she had done.
"I'm listening Audrey. You never know what I can understand unless you explain it to me sweetheart." He said as he watched her shake her head and head to the living room.

He followed behind her and wanting so badly to wrap his arms around her. He waited for her to begin talking, he knew that no matter what she did, he wasn't walking away from her again.

She heard his words but didn't answered until she came to the living room.
She sat on the couch putting her legs under her body. Aneta kept looking aroun her and everything looked the same as before she left. To be honest, she would be able to look at one point forever if that could help her to not look at him.

"For the begining, my name isn't Audrey. My name is Aneta. Or Carmen, if you are Death Eater." she looked at her fingers before continuing. She said him she is Death Eater but sad thing is that this information isn't the worst about her. This is like if you said that someone is good painter but have one bad picture.

"I had to leave because.. I did some really bad things and that people wanted to kill me. You know, they were afraid of me because I was powerful, I mean I was leader of Death Eaters in one country before I killed that man and then I escaped and came here with fake identity. And then I met you and I thought you could be great for my false identity but then I fell in love with you and they were still looking for me and I was afraid that they will try to hurt you or Jax so I went back to Russia. I'm sorry, to many informations in short period" she stopped talking when she realize that she was talking too fast but she was really nervous.

Ben watched her put her legs under her as she sat on his couch and saw her looking around as well.
He didn't change anything after she left, it was perfect how it was and he didn't see the point in changing anything.
He could tell that she was avoiding looking at him, he wasn't going to force her though.
He sat down next to her, his body turned towards her ready for what it was she was going to tell him.

He looked at her when she said that her name wasn't Audrey, then was stunned when she said another followed by if he was a DE. "I think I like Aneta better." He said softly keeping his eyes on her, he could get over the fact that the love of his life was a Death Eater.

He listened to her explain a large chunk of information and he began processing it all quickly. He looked at when she said that she had fallen in love with him. He was glad that he wasn't the only one who had fallen, he had wondered when she left if it was because she really didn't love him. Hearing that she took off to protect him and Jax made him smile softly, he knew that there was good in her if she left because of that. "It's okay sweetheart. You can continue when your ready. I understand everything you said and I'm still here." He said as he waited for her to continue with her story about everything. He was glad that she was trusting him with everything and he would do anything to protect her.

She looked at him, finally and she was completely shocked.
I mean, really really shocked.
Is he insane? Or just an idiot who fell in love with..well, persons who was real devil.
She was everything bad on this planet, person who was like if she is a witch who just jumped out of some muggle's fairytale.

"It's not okay!" sha said louder than she wanted.
"Did you heard what I just said to you? You can't hear that I'm bloody killer, the worst person who you probably ever met and tell me that everything is okay!" she started smiling even if nothing was funny at all.
This isn't something that she expected. He was supposed to tell her she is crazy and that she need to left his house, like now.

And instead of that, here he is, sitting next to her and ready do forgive her everything.
Maybe because he doesn't know everything.
"Carmen is real me, and I can tell you she is woman from everyones nightmares. She's evil, manipulative, cruel and killer. I kill a lots of people and I'm not sorry for that, even if some of them were innocent. I just didn't care and I don't care about them even now. I was leader of Swiss Death Eaters for eight years and then I killed Russian leader and why? I can't even remember. But that was bad move. That's why I lost my position and came here. Only reason why I went back to Russia is because I wanted the two of you to be safe, and because if I stayed, they would come and kill me. That is not okay! If you're smart you will tell me to leave because you don't need killer close to your son!" she looked at him seriously.

"Easy Sweetheart. Jax is still sleeping." He said softly looking towards the hallway.
"Yes I heard every word that you said. I heard you say that you were a killer, your not the worst person I ever met and yes everything is okay." He said looking at her trying to keep from smiling. He had a feeling that if he smiled then she would really start yelling and he didn't need that right now.

"If Carmen is the real you sweetheart, then why am I still alive? You say that she's manipulative, cruel, a killer, and evil. Yet I'm still sitting here next to you breathing. I accept the dark part of you, I understand that you did bad things. We are safe and I understand why you left us." He said, then grabbed her around the waist pulling her to him. His hand was on her lower back keeping her close to him so she wouldn't be able to run anywhere. "I'm not going to tell you to leave, I love you Aneta. I know that you love me too, the year we spent apart was hell. I told myself that if you ever came back to us that I wouldn't let you leave again. I'm not giving up on the woman I love because of her past, what kind of man would I be if I gave up so easily? You and Jax are my everything, outside of you and him, I'm not friendly. I don't chat with co-workers, I don't smile. You and Jax are the only ones who see me without that mask. If you ask my co-workers they describe me as cruel and heartless, but a hard worker. I don't want to lose you again, don't ask me to."