"Robert did that, I'm sure," Michael sighed. "It's his passive aggressive bit directed to irk me. He followed Eli to his office. He was grateful for the coffee. He wasn't going to tell Eli that he'd had probably far more firewhisky overnight than he figured most people could do and remain sober. Still, sober he was. There'd been nothing amusing about the nights events.
He poured himself a cup of coffee. "That train wreck of a woman I brought in is Alete Foster. Don't let her French accent fool you. She was born in Bristol. She thinks it makes her more exotic as a catburglar. So she's been doing this whole 'I'm-a -French-debutant' farce about 50 years too long." He sat down and sighed, taking a moment to savor the aroma of the coffee. Warm, nutty, fragrant. Heavenly. His refined palate said this was just a decent blend to begin with, and someone had known how to prepare it properly. His brain was already preparing for the welcoming sensation of a caffeine jolt. He took a sip and felt already like there was relief in the cup.
"I met Alete when I was, oh, maybe 20. God, she was gorgeous. Absolutely the sort of face and body that makes a man forget everything else he ever knew. She was already in the business, and she was damned good. She specialized in the rapeling from skylights stuff. And there never was a more exotic form dangling from a skylight than she was. When she worked, it was pure art. Anyway, long story very short, she and I own a beach house in southern France. Well, more precisely, I own it, and we live there--when I'm actually there. And we have--for forty years now. She's the closest thing I ever had as a wife until that damned law forced me to marry someone else. The only way we weren't married was legally, and that was my fault because I just don't do weddings very well. Rather not do them at all, actually.
"The last 5 or 6 years have been tough for Alete. She's developed arthritis in her hands. For our business, that's a living death. To lose our sense of touch, that takes everything from us. Alete just couldn't deal. She kept trying to work, getting caught, and, what could I do? I kept bailing her out or breaking her out.
"Its not like Robert didn't warn me. Hell, he talked to me until he was practically purple, over and over, saying the day would come when I'd have to make a choice I didn't want to make. But the longer its gone on, the more...well,...unstable..." He abruptly stopped. There. He'd said it. Unstable. What Robert had been telling him for years had finally hit home with Michael. Right here, right now. Alete was not now the woman he'd slept with for forty years. This woman had a mental world of her own.
"Anyway..., I think you get it," he said quietly. For himself, he needed to change gears, go to a new page with the tale. "New piece of the story now. After the Grindlewald fiasco, Robert wanted a safe in his office. A safe that only he and I knew about. A safe that would be as impregnable as I could make it. So, that's exactly what I did. I designed it, I made it. Hell, I installed it. The only ones that had the combination and the workings to the protective spells were Robert and me. I knew he had documents in there that were Eyes Only, that held secrets about the Unspeakables and information that was incredibly sensitive. Information even you weren't entitled to. I never opened the safe once I installed it. Never needed to, but I assure you, if I'd needed to, I'd have just walked in and done it. I've got the bloody combination. Why would I need to break in?
"I didn't tell Alete about the safe. Why the hell would I? The only contact I had with her, pretty much, was bailing her out of jail wherever in the world she'd ended up, and taking her home and spending a few days with her to try to talk her into giving up the business. Done that far more than I should have, clearly.
"Anyway, yesterday, she contacted me to tell me she'd found this lovely safe in Robert's office, and she just knew I'd be so proud of me because she managed to crack it and take everything in it. I don't know how. Maybe she was ridiculously stoned on pain potion. But she shouldn't have been able to crack it. Not at all. I certainly didn't tell her it existed, nor did I give her any levels of incription. Why would I? I'd never betray England like that, and, almost more importantly, I'd never betray Robert. Not ever.
"Nevertheless, she had this buyer that was going to pay her enough to set both her and I up for the rest of our lives. The score that was going to make her legendary, she said. There was one little hitch. She left one of my cigarette butts in the bloody safe to buy her time. She told me all I'd have to do was tell Robert I did it, and bygones would be bygones. Oh, suuuure he would. Right. You and I both know Robert doesn't work like that.
"Crazier than I thought she was if she honestly believed that. Does this make any bloody sense so far?"