It didn't feel right, at all. The hug was awkward, uncomfortable, and there was somehow space between the two of them. Which seemed apt, for no matter what gesture either of them made, there always seemed to be some sort of distance between them. It had always been that way. Sometimes, Claire worried that there was a deficit of love in her family. Obviously, there had been some love lacking between her parents, or they would still be married. There was love lacking between the sisters, because they hadn’t really spoken like sisters in years. And there was even love lacking between parents and children.
But her father very clearly loved Agnes, and was loved back. And, Avery had a child with Robin – even if Claire didn’t know the full story there, she had a feeling Avery couldn’t have gone that far without developing some love somewhere. Claire didn’t know about Else, and her love or lack thereof. But Claire knew she could love. Robin had taught her that, and she relearned that every day with her best friend. So they all knew how to love… they just couldn’t love each other, apparently.
Maybe it wasn’t a lack of love they all suffered from then. Maybe they hadn’t learned how to put in the effort. And now, with time and practice, they knew how to do it.
So was it too late for them?
The hug was done and they pulled apart. Claire turned to her mother who gave her an awkward smile and then hug just as awkward as the one she had shared with her sister.
Silence fell among them all, and Claire glanced around. Part of her wanted Elsie in the room, but the other part of her was very glad that the Nortons had the sense to stay out in the waiting room. Elsie knew Mathias fairly well, having tried to keep up the communication in the Bishop family for Claire’s sake, but she knew better than to impede on the family moment. Except, Claire did not feel surrounded by family. She felt surrounded by strangers who had always been forced to be around each other.
And yet, wasn’t that what family really was? Just people who, by chance, had no choice but to be somewhat invested in each other, forced to share bits of their lives in an intimate fashion? She had shared holidays, frantic breakfasts, and ordinary days with the people in this room (Agnes excluded) and that had to count for something.
With a slow breath, Claire walked back to her chair and sank into it, running a hand through her hair as she leaned back, trying to look okay with this whole thing.
The healer stepped in. “Oh, hello. Family’s here it seems.”
Claire nodded a bit, but did not turn around. She had heard the speech. She really didn’t care to hear it again.
“Straight to the point, yet? It started off as pancreatic cancer. It seems Mathias knew about it for the past year, but hadn’t told anyone.” Agnes closed her eyes, flinching. Hearing it a second time didn’t make it hurt any less. “In the past few months, he’s developed growths in his liver and now his colon. He’s in no pain right now, but his weakened state made any sort of infection or stress on the body incredibly dangerous. He’s fading. It could be a week at the most, but it could be within the day.” He paused, taking in the female faces around him. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing we can do but keep it out of pain. If you need anything, please let me know. I’ll give you your privacy.”
He stepped out. Claire stared at her father, his chest rising and falling in a steady, deep rhythm. He looked fine. He was just fine.
No. No, he was not.