The life of a chef was one that Theodore Rookwood understood. It comprised of mixing things, like you were some sort of elaborate potioneer, and your principle requirement was to make people happy. That was the goal. With the help of those who had been hired along with him, he managed to create a ridiculous, kaleidoscopic array of dishes that would see people’s faces light up as they tried something new or, even better, tried a different take on something they remembered from their childhoods. He loved to peek through the kitchen windows to catch the excitement of the children as they tucked into fabled desserts, when not moments ago they’d sat down as adults, bogged down by reality. For a moment they were taken out of themselves. That was what food did. And even when it got hard, sometimes damn near impossible, he loved it because it was what he could do. It was all he could do, he thought sometimes.
It was one of those Thursdays when rain turned the summer in, admonishing it for sending the public outside. All it did was send the public into him, asking after food made for summer, to help them remember that it was still shining blue skies and hot sun somewhere, even if it wasn’t there in that moment. He was run ragged, busied by everything and everyone because seemingly the whole world was falling apart at the grill. Coaxing through one of the younger girls through a roux sauce base, he finally got things going again and steaks were fired up, salads tossed and things were going out of the door just as he wanted. That was when he managed to steal a break, rolling a cigarette under the awning outside the back door. He lit up, blowing silvery smoke into the cool, crackling air. Leaning his head against the wall he watched as the storm clouds began to rumble by, sending forked lightning across the sky.
“Theo?” A gentle voice wandered out to him and he turned his head to look at Maggie, the redheaded sous chef, hanging her head out of the back door.
“Yes babe?” he inquired with a half-smile as he blew the smoke out of his nose. He dropped his hand down to his side, sending the smoke in the opposite direction, away from the door and he gestured for Maggie to step out onto the pavement.
“Someone ordered something that’s not on the menu,” she began, prompting Theodore to arch his eyebrow. “She ordered melt-in-the-middle truffles – said you’d know how to make them. D’you-”
Before she could finish her sentence, the cigarette had been plunged into the canary yellow bucket that had been collecting water from a leaky gutter that no one could be bothered to fix and Theodore had bruised past her, nigh carrying her back into the restaurant, pausing only to make sure she was upright and balanced before throwing himself through the kitchen, weaving around the other chefs and the cleaners until he was deep within the pantry, opening up the industrial sized fridge. From that he took the order, putting them onto a neat pile on a plate. He then scooted his way out of the fridge, the pantry and then the kitchen.
At once, Theodore was in the dining room and his heart caught in his throat as he set eyes on her, sitting at one of the tables by the window, her wide, dark blue eyes peering out through the windows at the rain. But it wasn’t just her. She who had never changed. It wasn’t her alone. It was the little person that was sat in her lap holding a sunflower in her tight little fist. Because, of course, he knew exactly who that was. Really, he had known exactly who it had been, what the visit would mean. Only one person in the world knew to order that from him. There was only one person in the world who he had ever made them for. Cressida.
She turned, her pouting, perfect lips spreading into a hopeful smile that lit up her cheeks that were deepened in colour with the affection of the sunshine over the last handful of weeks before the rain came. He paused, losing his countenance. Losing everything. His heart was out of his chest. The breath was absent in his lungs. His eyes were filled with her. His mind was alight with every memory, every kiss. He felt he knew her, even though it had been so long. He knew he could trace his hands over her skin and he’d know where to go. He’d know the places where she loved him to touch her, where she hated him to but secretly coveted. He knew her. But she was a stranger, secretly.
Theodore set the plate down gently on the table and she looked at him, moisture rising in her eyes. So he hadn’t forgotten, he considered that she must have thought. He wanted to tell her that he’d never forget – not as long as he lived. Her eyes fell to his hands then, catching the glint of gold on his left hand. She lifted her gaze, determined to ignore, to not look. Theodore took roost in the seat opposite and stared at her openly, taking in her features, wondering if he could see any change within her. But there was none. She was Cressida still. If he closed his eyes, he was sure he could imagine her still his.
“Cris,” he murmured. “Jesus, I-”
“You remembered,” she replied, her voice scratchy with emotion. He nodded. She mirrored him. “Missed you,” she added.
“Missed you more,” he retorted. Both smiled shyly, averting their looks to the things around them. The baby cooed, extending her arm to Theodore, brandishing the sunflower, extending it towards him. He looked up and hesitantly glanced at Cressida, encouraged by her nod. He unfurled his fingers and the baby brought the sunflower down into his palm, releasing it from her own little fist.
“Thank you,” Theo whispered, inciting a broad smile on the baby’s face.
Cressida readjusted her daughter in her arms and looked at Theodore with a grave expression on her face. He frowned a little, twiddling the sunflower in his hand as he looked at her and she sighed heavily, turning her head away, her lips moving quickly as she spoke to him.
“I’m out of money, Theo.” She spoke carefully, swallowing hard. “I’m back home with my parents and I… well, I got a job but they don’t want to help me anymore than they have to so I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look after Esme.”
Theodore sucked in a breath. Esme. Her name was Esme. It fit her, he decided. She looked like her mother did when she was her age. Theodore could remember when he and Cressida had pored over baby photographs. He’d laughed and teased her and had nibbled on the end of her nose when she’d wrinkled it indignantly at him. She had his hair though, a shock of dark fluff that was nonsensical yet endearing across the globe of her scalp. That was all of him he could see in her. She was her mother all over and it half killed him, half set his heart about in song.
“Theodore,” she pressed, shaking him from his reverie. “I need you to take care of her. I need you to be her father, Ted.”
Something in Theodore caught and stalled. He didn’t know whether it was her demand or whether it was the endearment but suddenly he was spiralling and he didn’t have anything to anchor himself on. She wanted him to be a father – Esme’s… Esme’s father. There was part of him that conceded that he already was set to be one, the same part that had conceded that he was already one. Yet, he wasn’t. He was just a donor, a man who had weaselled out of doing anything because of his grandfather’s aversion to blood disparity and his father’s desire to see a clean marriage happen for his son. Neither had gotten their wish.
“You… no, the contract-” he spluttered.
“-I already broke it by seeing you,” she cut in harshly. “Ted, please. I swear to god… you need to just do this for me, please. I don’t know what I’ll have to do if I can’t give her to you.”
“But I have a wife, Cris,” he protested. Her face fell. “I… Cris come on.” He murmured pitifully.
“Teddy,” she sighed. “I wouldn’t ask you if there was another option. I’m on my last legs.”
“I can give you money.” He offered helpfully. She snorted scornfully in response. “What?” He pouted.
“Theodore Rookwood don’t you think that if you had money you wouldn’t be working here?” She asked rhetorically, raising her eyebrows sassily. Theodore dropped his eyes shamefully. “No, I don’t want your money, anyway. I want you to be her father. I’ve made that clear. Teddy please. I am begging you as much as it kills me. I need you to do this. Please.”
Eventually, Theodore nodded and one of the smiles that had made him breathless for so long lit up her face. She stood and took a moment to wrap her arms tightly around their daughter. Esme. She kissed her hair, brushed her fingers across her face, and Theodore stood up. Then the baby exchanged arms and though she extended her grasp back to her mother she did not cry and allowed Theodore to curl her back into his chest, one hand holding her carefully while the other began to rub circles into her little back through the orange dress she wore.
“Thank you Teddy,” she whispered, leaning up to kiss him soundly on the mouth.
It was their first kiss in years. He held their baby girl between them. There was part of him that knew that it was the way it always should have been but then the other part knew also that it wasn’t ever going to be like that. It hadn’t any hope of being like that. So, with a heavy heart and deep regret he pulled away, savouring the taste of her on his lips. She smiled a little, her lips curling up lopsidedly, and she reached to wipe the lipstick from his mouth.
“I love you,” she told him, told them both. She kissed Esme’s head again and lifted the bag of her things, of her little life, onto the chair. Then, suddenly, she was gone again. She was out of his life as though she had never been there in the first place. And Esme? Esme started to cry.
“Close the restaurant!” Theodore shouted, bundling back into the kitchen. “Kick everyone out!” He exclaimed. “Give them free meal vouchers for the next time they come! Family meeting!”
In the flurry of activity, the screaming child was plucked from Theodore’s arms and set down on one of the work surfaces. She continued to cry, her tears sliding down over her cheeks, and the chefs went through everything to try and console her until one stuck a strawberry under her nose. Then, suddenly, she fell silent and her little fist reached out and took the strawberry, a short, garbled ‘ta’ emerging from her lips. Theodore’s hand fell from around his mouth and they all watched, the last of the waiters bumbling in through the doors as quiet as possible in their haste, as she took the first bite of the soft fruit. She chewed, tipping her head from side to side, and swallowed before taking another bite and another. Someone put the punnet down beside her and another ‘ta’ leapt from her chest as she reached in for another.
“So that’s your daughter then, eh?” Maggie asked brightly. Theodore could only muster a nod. “She’s beautiful, Theo.”
“Yeah,” he replied breathlessly. “She looks so much like her mother. Bloody Cressida. She couldn’t have made an ugly baby, could she?”
“You couldn’t either,” she pointed out with a smirk. He perked up a bit at the compliment. “Right, now,” she added seriously. “What is the plan here?”
Theodore deflated again, watching as some of the younger chefs began to make faces as Esme, provoking light, bubbly laughter in her. Beside him, Maggie lifted the bag of things up onto the table he was leaning against. He turned a little and looked as she opened it up and began to sift through the clothes and toiletries and toys in abundance and a shrunken cot and changing table and all the other trappings that were to go with his daughter. This was it, he realised with a start. He’d have to find a room for her. He’d have to give her a home. He’d have to be her father. And what scared him more than anything was that he wanted it, too.
“You’ve plenty of room at home, don’t you?” Maggie inquired, echoing his thoughts as she looked up.
“Yeah. I expect one of the front rooms will be nice. It’ll let all the light in and stuff. She’d probably like that.” He suggested, looking to Maggie for her approval. Maggie nodded, smiling at him. “Okay,” he exhaled. “How do I tell Hallie, guys?”
“You’ve got to take her home,” one of the Irish students Theo had plucked out of Sligo and brought back with him offered from the back. “Why not make a nice dinner and try and make it … less bloody awful, mate.”
So that was what he did. Well, tried to anyway. The pair apparated home with the strawberries and Theodore set the things down along with the baby – putting her on the sofa and the living room with her fruit – and he began to pace up and down the hallway trying to figure out how in Merlin’s name he was going to make it less bloody awful. He couldn’t, he decided. There was no way that this wasn’t going to be completely inescapably awful – and that was before his grandfather found out.
“Esmeeee…” he groaned, striding into the living room, the baby the only one worth talking to. “Please, give me something here. Your mum is terrific. I’d do anything for her. But I’m married, you see, so this is totally really…completely and utterly not convenient so I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
Esme offered him a strawberry. That was as good as any idea, he figured, so he picked the baby up, moved her onto his hip and in that afternoon he mastered the art of dancing with his daughter whilst feeding them both to bursting with strawberries whilst at the same time cooking with only one hand.
They abandoned themselves into the arm chair in the living room when the initial prep for dinner was ready. He put his feet up on the ottoman, toeing off his shoes onto the floor and with a stray hand as he leaned heavily against the pillows he pulled off Esme’s orange shoes, tossing them down with his. She snuggled up, half in the crook of his arm, half on his chest with her head lulled in his neck. Once he took her alice band from her head – sending that onto the floor too – he relaxed against her just as she did with him and soon enough, the two were enveloped in sleep, snoring softly while the music played to itself in the kitchen.