It was amazing how Audriana knew Gavin was essentially as close as he could possibly be, yet she still wanted him closer. When he pulled away, she half expected it to precede his running kisses along her jaw so they could catch their breath. When he never did so, however, her eyes opened to find the last thing she wanted to see. Robin was literally pointing a weapon at Gavin and staring at the both of them like she’d just caused him physical harm. The idea made her sick, and her brow furrowed in concern.
Gavin didn’t reply to Robin’s question, though his hand did reach back for her own at Robin’s request for her to leave with him. She felt the guilt ram into her as she pulled her hand away before his could brush against her, lacing her fingers together in front of her stomach. She needed a second to think. This was likely to be the last chance she had with each of the men standing before her, so whatever she decided would undoubtedly feel massively final.
Somehow, Audriana couldn’t bring herself to look away from Robin as his hand waited in the space between them. She half expected Gavin to swat it away or step between them, but he seemed as stiff as a board. She could hear her name, as Robin had said it, over and over in her mind, too. Audriana couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually said it – just the first name, and she was sure he had never said it like that before. It almost sounded like her going with him was the only thing he wanted just then.
And yet, there Gavin stood, hardly moving, hardly reacting. Would he really be bothered if she went with Ivanov? She couldn’t tell. Sure, Audriana had been convinced for a breath of time that the kiss meant what she had always imagined it would mean. But then, people did stupid things under stress or when remembering past desires. How was she to know if she truly still cared for him in that way? Did she? It wasn’t like she could figure that out in the two minutes they had spent together. (Okay, so it was more than two minutes. But who was counting?) Gavin had done nothing but protect her in the time that they had been reunited, but even so, he hadn’t said the words she needed from him to make her stay.
While Robin had never come close to saying anything like that either, Audriana could place all of the times she had considered marching right over and kissing him. And although she had done the same regarding Gavin while in school with him, it didn’t change the fact that he had never tried to contact her after seventh year. If he had actually cared about her like she thought he did during sixth year, he would have tried to find her.
Robin, on the other hand, had saved her life.
And now she owed him.
The job wasn’t done, either, or she could’ve just walked away with Gavin. No, she couldn’t go with him. Not when every cell in her body was desperately begging her to cling to Robin and take away the pain in his voice and the confusion on his face. She had caused that, and it needed to go away. Immediately. As she lifted her hand, she could nearly feel herself rethinking, but knew that no amount of considering could change her mind at this point. Not when she’d worked it all out in her head. She must have been standing there a good half a minute or so as the two men waited. How strange it was to have people want her – regardless of the manner in which they wanted her. It wasn’t like Robin wanted her in the way Gavin might (provided he wasn’t just trying to dump off years of unresolved tension). But then, perhaps Audriana wanted Robin in the way she had so long pretended she didn’t.
Her fingers tucked against her palm briefly before she extended her hand and hovered above Robin’s. She nearly looked at Gavin, but the idea of seeing his reaction made her want to shudder. Dropping her hand into Robin’s with purpose, she stepped around Gavin and curled herself into his arm. If she could make it look like Robin had done it, she wouldn’t need to look over at her first love as she effectively ruined any chance she had ever had with him.
“Okay,” she whispered into his shoulder, feeling much smaller than she really was.
Suddenly, she realized just how much trouble they both were in by her having sided with him. Now ‘Amanda’ and Robin were criminals and Gavin could arrest them if he decided to take out whatever feelings he had on them. Her free hand came up to rest against Robin's chest in a sort of fear she hadn’t expected to ever feel – fear of getting caught, of getting arrested. “Robin,” she started, looking up at him and suddenly feeling amazed by their closeness. “Now.”
They didn’t have time for him to comment on her choice or for him to pull any stupid, last minute stunts. She had chosen him, just as Natalia had always said she would have to do. Her choice didn’t really feel so tough after she realized that. Incidentally, Audriana knew that the moment they got away she would feel the adrenaline she always felt when she avoided whomever she was running from. Audriana didn’t know what this would get her, but it was too late to change her mind now. Merlin help her, but if he didn’t want her the way she wanted him… well, she would either have to make him, or have to leave.