A fleeting memory

This was her favorite place ... so why couldn't she remember it being so?

Hitamé stood at the edge of the Great Lake, the place that she'd been told by many people was her favorite place. But she couldn't remember that. She couldn't remember having liked the lake, she couldn't remember the times she'd spent there. She just ... couldn't remember anything. Her head started to hurt as she tried hard to remember the times she'd spent at the lake, which were many as she had been told, but nothing came up. Why couldn't she remember? Why?! What had happened to her that she couldn't remember? The only thing she knew was that she had blacked out and when she woke up, she'd found Sophia standing there.

She fell to her knees, her hands falling at her sides, slashing the water on the edge as she stared at her reflection in the water. Her eyes searched her own face for some kind of answer and they were stopped by a faded scar on her cheekbone. Hitamé lifted her hand to the scar and felt the rough skin that was there. "What happened here?" she asked herself softly. A sudden pain shot through her head and bother her hands went up to her head to hold it. That scar meant something ... something bad. But she couldn't remember what it was. Yet she knew it was something she didn't want to remember.

No! I have to stop focusing on the past! Sophia said it made me weak and I don't want to be weak anymore! ... she said if I let everything go, I can be more powerful and I would be able to control this stupid Empathy ability. she thought. Letting go and not trying to remember was the best thing to do to become powerful, but there were reminders everywhere in Hogwarts. Whether it was objects or people, they always reminded her of something. And though she couldn't get the memory, it caused her pain.

"Was my past just that painful? That everything hurts me?" she asked her reflection softly. A tear ran down her cheek and she wiped it away viciously. No crying. No more crying! I don't want to keep crying over my past! If I don't remember it ever, then it's for the best! she shouted at herself. There was no way she going to let herself cry over her past again, Sophia had watched her cry over it before and she said that made her weak too. Sadness ... worry ... care ... it made her weak. She wanted to forget those emotions ... she wanted them to just go away.

To disappear.

Brian was not really sure where he stood with Hitame. Things seemed to be going great over Summer, but out of nowhere, things changed. Brian went from being romantically involved with her to... her not even knowing who he was. It had been a sharp blow, one that had taken a few weeks to get over it. He invested so much into her and now she could not even recognize his face.

He had been teetering on the brink of trying to get to know her again. There were parts of him that wanted to keep trying with her. He wanted to have her look at him like she did before. But there was another part of him that kept screaming for him to move on, that she was not worth it, and trying to convince her they once had something would only lead him to more pain.

Things were not made any easier by the fact that he saw her at least once a day. Sometimes he would wake up and decide he was going to go and talk to her, others he would completely avoid eye contact, either way she was a daily thought of his. Today, though, things were going to change. He wanted to make a decision and the only way he was going to be able to do that was if he talked to her.

The lake was where they first met, what a fitting way to meet her again for the first time. Last time they met, though, Brian had been a little different. He was a shy young boy who could barely open his mouth around women. Now he was very boisterous and outgoing and the guy she liked the first time might not be present anymore.

He saw her looking into the lake and he approached slowly. The closer he became, the more his heart pounded, and he hated it. All the other girls he spoke to now could not invoke this kind of emotion from him. He would just simply speak to them, but with Hitame, it was different. She could make him blubber like a fool, and he hated it. He had to think of his first sentence and memorize it before he spoke.

"Haven't seen the squid lately," He said quietly, standing a few feet away from her and looking down into the lake. He gave her enough space so that she did not freak out. "What do you think he does down there?"

Every emotion made you weak somehow. It was obvious that emotions could make you weak, but they could make you strong too. But for that you'd need memories of people you loved and cared about to become strong with emotions, that was something didn't have anymore. There were no memories of anyone she cared about besides the ones she'd just recently created with strange meetings. She wanted to remember her loved ones ... but at the same time she didn't.

Hitamé stared down at the water until she heard a voice coming from behind her. She lifted her head and looked behind her at her housemate, Brian Sullivan. She winced at the sight of him, something was telling her that he was something more than her housemate, but she looked away from the boy and turned her head back to the water. He said something about the Giant Squid that lived in the lake and she shrugged.

She wanted to tell him to go away, that she didn't want to see him. But honestly, it wasn't only him. She didn't want to see anyone that caused her to feel like she knew them, like she was friends or enemies or anything with them. She just wanted everyone to go away, most if all she was to disappear from everyone around her. She wanted to leave, so she didn't have to deal with anyone trying to make her remember. It only caused her harm, but no one seemed to understand that.

"Probably waiting for prey." she finally said softly, answering his question without even looking at him. "He's probably waiting for someone to wander into his habitat so he cam come up and grab them." she said with a slight smile, her hand closing up into a fist to show what she meant. She wouldn't blame the squid if it ever accidently killed someone while she was there at Hogwarts. If it did, it was because they deserved it by going into it's home. But the creature was much more gentle than that. Hitamé had already seen how gentle it was a couple of days ago, when term had started.

He could tell she did not really want to be around him. She was always a quiet and secretive girl, and penetrating her defenses had been hard the first time, he could only imagine doing it again for the second time. She harbored so many emotional scars and pains, it was hard for Brian to comprehend all of them. He lived a pretty cushy life with very few worries, but he knew that she was burdened, and there was nothing he could do about it besides try and listen.

Surprisingly, just as he was about to give up, she spoke to him. He looked up and he listened to her, surprised at how happy he was that she even acknowledged him. She mentioned the squid and he looked back at the lake with a puzzled face. "The squid always seemed pretty nice to me. I don't think he would hurt anyone.... I hope at least." He grinned at his comment, wondering if any students had ever been attacked by the squid. It probably would not be in the lake anymore if it had.

Right now there was really no telling what went through her mind. She had closed off her emotions from everyone, including her twin sister whom she'd been so close to before. The only person she really trusted now was Sophia, and it wasn't even the right Sophia that had her trust. The evil one had her trust while the good one was stuck inside her in the dark as to what was going on. She could tell the good Sophia was fighting back though, trying to break free from the spell that had been casted on her.

Hitamé turned her head to look at Brian slightly and she raised an eyebrow. "Where's the fun in having a dosile creature here?" she asked. "If it was more hostile, maybe there wouldn't be so many stupid students around here. They'd have learned to take care of themselves by now." she said coldly. She really had changed during the summer, losing her memory was what caused that ... and the evil Sophia's guidance too.

There was something different about her, that much he was sure of. She seemed almost darker and more negative about things. He turned his head to look at her and a feeling of sadness washed over him. Was she the same girl that he had fallen for in the first place? She certainly did not seem like it. The worst part of it all was that there was nothing he could do about it. He hated that fact more than anything else. Being helpless was a terrible feeling, and it was overwhelming him.

"A squid versus a student seems hardly fair, though." He spoke in a confused tone, trying his hardest to understand what had happened to her. "So, you do not remember me at all, then?" He had to say it. There was a part of him that hoped that she slightly remembered him, but he doubted it. That was just as bad as the feeling of hopelessness, being forgotten.

There were memories here and there, they were vague but they were there and it gave her a little hope that they could be key memories to remembering who she actually was. But as the days went by she found thar they were fading. Moving further and further away from her consciousness. There was nothing she could do to stop them from fading, unless she just suddenly got them back but a sudden rush of memories and emotions could be dangerous for her, physically and mentally.

"Fair enough if the student is strong." she muttered. Hitamé knelt down closer to the water and started at it. When he asked if she remembered him at all, she sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, letting mind wander in the darkness of herself. She opened them again and dipped her finger in the water, moving it in a circle before she lifted it out of the water and herself to stand up straight again. She looked at him, her head sort of laying on her shoulder lazily as she looked over. "I remember a little." she said softly.