Qualms

Jack had stood as everyone filed out of the House, but she made the excuse of filling up a glass of water so her continued presence was not brought into question among everyone else. Surely, Matt would stick around to clean up and unwind, the way she had done when she led Potter's Army. She was sure she could count on it, so she filled and drained her glass twice before returning to the table.

She checked the nearest clock and felt a bit anxious. Leaving Poe at home for long amount s of time always worried her. He knew where she was; she always told him she was headed off before she left, but she didn't want him to worry about her, or get into one of his moods while she was gone. Jack found that she was constantly considering what affected Poe.

No. She needed to talk to Matt. She had these terrible qualms and tremors in her stomach, and she needed to right them.

*

Matt stood looking over his notes again as everyone left. The occasional nod farewell and a hand wave. He really didn't have anywhere to go so he figured he'd spend some time in the Grimmauld Place library. There was always an interesting read in there. He shut his journal and picked up his wand from the place where it had been beside it. He wasn't quite sure how the meeting had gone but he really didn't care. It didn't go horrible, and he hoped the next one went even better.

He flicked his wand as he moved from his spot and the chairs pushed themselves back into the table. Just as he was about to enter he spotted Jack at the sink. A part of him wanted to run and ignore her. However his brain said she was going to catch up with him anyway. And he was pretty sure he knew what she wanted to talk about.

Nemo

He rolled his eyes and slid his wand inside of his pocket as he walked closer to her. Hesitantly he opened his mouth, "Something, troubling you, Jack?" he asked her keeping a straight face.

Matt entered and Jack turned, standing at the sink for a little. There was an awkward moment as their eyes met. They were both smart, they both knew what was up. Both were afraid of hearing exactly what they did not want to, though, so it was a long time before Matt broke the silence. And when he did, Jack still wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to find out that, again, she wasn't as important to someone as she had assumed. She had gone through this over and over, and it just kept hurting each time.

So, for a moment, she and Matt had a silent stand off. Jack chewed her lip, setting the water down and crossing her arms, staring without revealing much. She still wore what she had on for the meeting- pajama bottoms, a blank tank top, and a shin-length winter coat. The woman looked insane. At nineteen years old, she already looked absolutely batty, and no one had the heart- or, well, the balls- to tell her.

Finally, she cleared her throat. "Troubling? No, no. I don't trouble easily," she lied. "I just wanted to know about what happened the night you and Poe almost died." There it was. "I'm sort of officially in charge of keeping him alive. I need to know."

Matt stood, book under his left arm, eyes on Jack. He stood perfectly still whilst he noticed her fidgeting. She didn't want to do this about as much as he did. He let his eyes drift slightly to the left. However just as he was about to make an excuse to leave and end this whole situation, Jack spoke. She didn't really have to answer his question because it was trivial small talk. He wondered why he even thought of asking it because they'd both simply toss it aside. However when the question was asked, silence fell between them once again.

He blinked slowly and walked over to the table, putting his journal down. He turned to look at her and leaned against the table. So she was in charge of protecting him? he thought to himself. Well she's doing a bloody great job of that. He sighed and rubbed his eyes thinking, just thinking. The silence had grown awkward and it would have been much easier to run out of the room and ignore her. She had saved his life, but apparently she failed to do so with Nemo.

"He was on a roof ready to jump." he said quietly. He and Nemo had certainly bonded since that incident. He felt a fairly strong connection with his friend. Stronger than most connections with other people. "I did my best to stop him from-from doing it." he continued. Flashbacks from that night flew through his brain. The fear, the fall, the pain, the handholding.

Jack waited a long time. They were battling, but though the battle had two sides, those sides did not seem to be battling each other, but battling amongst themselves. It was hard enough to get past their own feelings, but to then force words out that neither betrayed emotion nor withheld truth... It was nearly impossible. Jack could not bear to ask herself why it was so. She just had to get through this.

He spoke and Jack nodded. "It's hard, huh?" Jack said. "Stopping him. He's a stubborn one, Poe. He's still talking with you properly though." Matt surely didn't know about Poe's latest attempt, and how close it had been, and how upset he had been that she had tried to stop him. "You want to be his friend, but by keeping him alive, you act like an enemy." She was musing aloud.

She looked up at Matt. "If you are his friend, you have to be his enemy in that. You realize that to keep him alive will make him hate you, right? Do you understand what it entails to care about Mr Omara?" Her voice had risen a little. Jack's heart was so weak. How it hurt to care for someone who resented you for saving them. Matt wanted to be Poe's drinking buddy and try to take her place while Poe was upset with her but he had no idea. "It's not all drinks and games of Ten Fingers. If you've never had your heartbroken, you better get ready for it." She was angry, and she didn't know why.

There was little she did know about herself, it seemed.

I plovore'd

Matt couldn't help but let a smirk grow upon his face at her first words. She was right, Mo was a stubborn bastard. He nodded in agreement, but then Matt could be just as stubborn when it came to certain things. One of the reasons he jumped with Nemo was because he was too stubborn to let him jump himself. The memory made his gaze fall to the ground, pardon the pun. His wand vibrated in his pocket. It could sense Jack's rising anger. He hushed it mentally and put his hand in his pocket and let the other hand rub his eyes in tiredness. He was tired, he wanted to go home. But Jack wasn't finished yet.

His eyes opened and his hand fell when she spoke again. This time no smirk grew on his face but his eyes flashed red. Her voice had risen and Matt's would soon follow. He looked at her coldly, his eyes blood red. The side effect of a healing spell gone wrong, changing colour with his moods. He did not like what was coming out of Jack's mouth. Not only was she nearly yelling at him but she was assuming. Assuming without proper evidence never made Matt happy. He didn't say anything, but simply stared at her, his anger rising and fall over time. Eventually he took his glasses off and put them in his pocket.

"You think." he began. But he stopped and got up from the table in an angered rush. He stopped a few feet away from her. "I was on that roof with him the whole bloody time." he told her angrily. Matt had as much heartbreak as anyone. His entire family pretends he doesn't exist, for the most part. "Mo and I drink, we play games, so what?" he added angrily. "I may not be as qualified as you." he said sarcastically. "But I'm trying as damn hard as I can!" his voice rose again. "I wasn't able to talk him down from the ledge but I sure as hell wasn't going to let him die alone!" he added more calmly. "How do you think I ended up in your office too?"

She had stirred Matt's anger. Jack could feel it, which perturbed her. Typically, she could sense the emotions of people around her, but they were usually either incredibly strong, or she was connected to them somehow. Jack doubted Matt's anger was large enough to be picked up, but she did not like the idea of being connected to him right now. He was angry, sure, but Jack was scared, and livid. A terrible combination for her, as it usually led to the worse reactions.

"You play games and drink, but don't think it makes it all up. You need about a thousand drinks to make up for stopping him, for trying. You might have been up there the whole time, but he still went down. You were there- you are leading the Order of the Phoenix! You want us to believe you can help protect us from the Death Eaters, but protecting Poe from himself. I almost lost hi-" she stopped herself, by turning and dropping the class into the sink. She stared down into the sink. That last sentence had too much fear, too much feeling.

Matt was still speaking and Jack straightened up, forcing control back into her. Body fully drawn, eyes locked into danger rather than emotion, jaw still, hands barely twitching. She turned around and said, "Letting yourself die with him does not keep him alive, Matt. You keep him alive, or you let him die. There's two choices. You came too close to the wrong one."

Matt was breathing heavy when he finished speaking. His knuckles were white and his face and eyes were red. The connection with his wand had it so hot he could smell hot fabric. His rage had gotten to far, and Jack was about to make it even more. He was almost afraid of having a magical outburst. Sure he was twenty seven but that didn't stop the occasional glass from breaking because of anger. He began to cool down but as soon as Jack spoke again he stopped. She was pushing his limits.

It was like Jack wanted Matt to curse her into oblivion. He cared about Nemo, probably about as much as her. Nemo had been there for Matt when he wasn't feeling up to it. Sure Nemo didn't realize it but when they went out to have fun Matt was genuinely having a good time. Reality was a pain in Matt's ass, always has been and always will be. His past will never leave him alone, and the future was scary. His future could go anywhere, and he wanted Nemo there to help him through it. But Jack's words were too much for Matt. He was standing still, looking at the floor. Showing no emotion. He just couldn't anymore.

These were not the first time words like this were spoken to him and it certainly wouldn't be the last. It's words like that why Matt keeps mostly to himself. He was seconds away from grabbing Jack's throat and throttling her. But he thought better and instead he turned his back to her. "Nemo's not the only one with issues Jack. Keep in mind that he's not your's." he told her and he walked out of the room slamming the door behind him.

She could feel it now. He was angry, very angry. Jack's anger was shrouded, shrouded in sadness, fear, heartbreak, desperation. The nineteen year old would never admit to anyone she was in too far again. That she cared for someone far too much, for someone that it was hard to care for and get out unscathed. Jack felt alone, she felt scared, and to have someone waltz in and begin to reap all the good that had come from her struggles had been too much.

Jack would fight Matt is she had too. So what if he was leading the Order. But he seemed to control himself. He spoke and turned to leave- Jack couldn't help it. Matt was walking out. And without being able to control herself, right as he was about to get out of earshot, Jack blurted, "Yes he is."