Baxter, Liliana Felicia

Ok, wait a sec. I have lots of questions. Liliana looks very much like some other established characters on the site. It seems to me that in order for her to work well, she needs to differentiate herself from the other villains on the site. So, with that in mind,...

First, in your good traits/bad traits--i see nothing that tells me what her magical skills are. i dont' see any classes she excelled in or did badly in, so i am not getting a good picture of her. can you add to this section for me? (magical skills, not classes) second, i have a real issue with a 19 year old being such a skilled seductress and such a skilled villain. she's just too young for all that. I'd rather see her be a bit older or have you back down on all the excessive skill. she's just overpowered for her age. she might be aiming to age into that, to develop experience in doing some of those things, but its not realistic to think that she could do that when she was, most likely only a year or so out of Hogwarts.

She needs to be a halfblood because she's not a canon character. Site rules do specify that purebloods need to be canons. So, yeah. Halfblood it is.

Her history confuses me. Her bio mom who took such good care of her just up and left her in the rain? What? Why? Where was dad? That doesn't make sense to me. And--even if someone else did take her in, they would have surely had to get custody of her legally through the ministry of magic. It doesn't make sense that someone would have known her bio last name if she was an orphan. Besides that, we have sooooo many orphans on the site, that we aren't really allowing any more orphan characters anymore anyway. She does need to have some roots--either in a biological or adoptive family. I see the similarities between harry's start in the world and hers with the letters, etc, but it doesn't make sense in liliana's history.

Boyfriend's kidnapping--not enough information here. there is nothing to tell me that they have any evidence that he was kidnapped. Only that he came up missing. This bit does not make sense to me. and i'm not seeing the relevance to who liliana is now.

next--pickpocketting skills? it is not realistic to think that she would not have gotten caught her first time picking a pocket. that takes slight of hand and practice. its also not realistic to think she never got caught at theft ever.

and--what's she wanted for? you didn't specify. we have no history on that.

lastly, the whole vampirism thing. there is insufficient history on it, and, frankly, i don't think it helps her characterization by making her one, except to perhaps cause motive for killing. but, there's no backstory on how she became a vampire, how it changed her, etc. i'm not sure its necessary for her character if she really is evil. If its relevant, I need to see more on that and how it connects for her. i'd like to see her have some stronger motivations than that. on PA, the Ministry has always provided free blood for vampires so that it stops the feeding frenzies. There would be no reason for her to kill just for that alone.

I think its fine to want to make a villain but it isn't always easy to firm up the foundation underneath them so that they become individualistic. I want to see her work well on the boards for you. So--Try going back and looking for ways to make her a realistic exception to the norm. the questions I asked might guide you a bit.

And, as always, we will be glad to try to give you some guidance on how to frame her up so that she becomes successful for you!

k.

Ok... dearie lets see if we can make some improvements on this app!

Ok first thing first, in your good traits/bad traits-- like Khaat said I don't see anything that tells me what her magical skills are. Maybe perhaps you can put that she good at Dueling, Potions and perhaps maybe wandless magic or something along those lines. As for bad traits you can put that maybe she's impatient, terrible at charms or something along those lines and maybe put that she's a betrayer.

Next... Boyfriend's kidnapping-- not information here how did he get kidnapped, was it by death eaters or was it simply by order members or someone who killed him to be with you? Perhaps you can make it to where he was kidnapped by someone who liked you or something along those lines I'll leave that up to you!

And her history: Her mother left out out in the rain, Ok... why did she leave her? was it because her father died and she felt like it was her fault so she just left her there in the rain? If you need any ideas PM and I'll help you through it!

also what is she wanted for? was it killing massive aurors or killing 1,000 or millions of people? once again PM if you need help!

I'm here to help you get this app approve so you can start RPing with her right away dearie!

Millions? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Soph! ROFL. Wiping out all of England, are we? I was thinking a bit smaller scale might be sufficient to make her wanted. (that was the best giggle i've had all evening.)

Hey! it could happen! Ok... so I went a bit overboard but yeah... I was trying to help her a bit!

i just got a good laugh out of it. lol.

Well I hope this gets fixed and sorted. I can just imagine all the fun times Ne'Os can have with this potentially amazing character. Some things to think of for making a villain character.

Just consider some of these things they are my own personal opinions and may be completely wrong but oh well


It is my personal theory that people think villains are easy that is so untrue lol. I mean look at me I haven't gotten it right yet and I have had one for years. Villains need structure and you do have a set up but it seems like you have it so that a good thing happens and then a bad thing happens. Such as your happy family that abandons you and then you have the everything is bad until you find your true love (first love more likely) and then he is kidnapped.

Your allegiance is to the death eaters yet you state in your history that you betray people you work with to the ministry. I would change that or you will find your character extremely hunted by me

You say your wanted is that from robbery? murder? treason? vampirism isn't illegal unless you didn't register to the department of creatures. Is that why your wanted?

I would try to avoid the wealthy bit as it it really just overdone. Ne'Os started wealthy but now he isn't mostly thats how it turned out but oh well .

You need to set up some side history. Is it possible for her to actually find one friend in the world? Does she have a hobby? Ne'Os makes magical artifacts in his spare time and when he isn't doing that he is usually in a pub somewhere.

You can be as evil as you want but you have to be good once in a while who/what is your weakness. Ne'Os cant help but be nice to Sammantha Burns and Khaat. He even goes out of his way to help them.


No one is perfect what is your fatal flaw? Ne'Os is afraid of death and goes to great lengths to avoid it such as his dream to become a vampire again and to build another horcrux.

Your character needs a area of magic they excel in but it has to have some sort of drawback . Ne'Os is great with magical artifacts and has made amazing things but they do come with a cost. He created a set of robes that while they protected him from many spells they corrupted his soul and drove him mad.

Your patronus "The look on the other Death Eaters' faces when she told them of her achievements" Is a little unrealistic I would at least consider changing it. Maybe to when you were found by the death eater woman or even your love Tyler. Because I can guarantee you t hat this crowd of death eaters have such big egos that no one can impress them bu themselves.

I'll edit it soon

What's happening with this app, Mal? Your 14 days are nearly up. Just ask if you want an extension, otherwise finish it up soon!