Completing another cycle

It was going to snow, Chase could feel it in her bones. Her cloak was wrapped tightly around her, any sign that she was pregnant gone. Her hair twisted in the wind, as she stared out over the grounds of Hogwarts. So much had happened here in the last seven years. She had been attacked, fought a battle, fallen in love multiple times, and broken people's hearts at the same time. And now? Chase was pregnant, and she had finally decided she was tired of Elijah Krum. She knew the feeling that she had, the amazing feeling that whenever she was around, he would smile, look at her and be happy. But lately, she had grown tired of it all. And after hearing the most recent accounts from people she trusted... she was tired of wasting her time, pretending that he loved her.

She had sent him a letter from the Owlery earlier that day. Her owl had come back shortly after delivering it, and Chase had spent the next two hours curled up in a ball, stroking her owl. But now, Chase stood in the spot she had asked him to meet her at. The grounds, under the tree that she had had a mental breakdown under. Where it had started to rain, she had shown him how her body was still in pain from past torture. And he had taken her away to get help. Now, she stood under the same tree, the tree she had written her apologies to her family under, the tree she had been sitting in when she had been attacked. It was THE tree, the tree that shared all of her problems with her, and she had come to love and hate this tree. It seemed appropriate that she would say goodbye to the person who had fathered her baby, under this tree, just another legacy to remember she supposed.

So here she stood, ready for what was to come, and not ready at the same time.

Ziva had been disgruntled by another Owl’s presence in Elijah’s dorm room. He’d decided, in his infinite wisdom, to raid the wardrobe of the ponce-y blonde that seemed to have a problem with the obsessive compulsive disorder. He had some nice stuff though with labels that Elijah hadn’t thought he’d be able to afford. The blonde was bloody sexy, even Elijah had to admit that, but it was a damn shame about his personality. It was a dick to everyone, including Elijah.

The owl was Chase’s which couldn’t mean good things were going to happen. Elijah didn’t like owls as a rule. He only kept Ziva because he liked her personality. She mothered him a great deal and rivalled Khaat in some respects. She’d gained the respect of Nachash though, something rare in itself. That was probably why Nachash let her stay, otherwise she would have been long gone by now.

“Will you go?” The snake hissed, peering over Elijah’s shoulder at the letter. Elijah nodded and folded the letter up. He ran his hand through his hair and waved the infernal bird away before Ziva started a fight with it. He shut the window after the owl and sat down on his bed. “Cheer up,” Nachash hissed softly, “It can’t possibly get worse”. “Can’t it?” Elijah asked grimly.

At the requested time, Elijah wandered down to the lake. He’d procured some more cigarettes from the pretty Muggle in Dufftown. Smiles and tricks of the trade went far. He loved to flirt with the girl at present. She was as intelligent as they came; she knew how to keep someone interested without undoing the buttons of her blouse. She was witty and could do much more than smile dumbly at him. She wasn’t heavy on top deck, neither was she particularly slender. She was healthy, curvy and ticked all the boxes for Elijah. But, he wouldn’t touch her. He was a little bit more classy than a quickie during her break but only just.

And he had Chase! The mother of his child, the most important. Elisabeth likened him to King Henry VIII, the Muggle King. She had said that he could have his wife yet he’d have to have a dozen mistresses at a time to keep him content. Elijah didn’t deny it but he was neither ginger nor bloated so he was rather insulted by that.

Puffing on a cigarette, Elijah made his way towards Chase, pushing any images of Laney from his mind. He stood in front of Chase, taking the cigarette from his mouth. “Alright, love?” He asked. “It’s a bit cold to be out here isn’t it?”

Chase looked up and saw Elijah coming. Great, here it was. Though she knew that he wouldn't exactly care to much. He liked Amelia if she remembered correctly. Biting her lip she watched as he came closer, and saw why she had been attracted to him in the first place. He was startlingly hot, the cigarette smoke curling up in the air around his face, making him seem that much cooler. The bad boy who got the good girl in trouble. A song popped into Chase's head as she watched him come closer to her.

Be my bad boy,
Be my man,
Be my weekend lover but don't be my friend
you can be my bad boy, but understand
that I don't need you in my life again
no I don't need you in my life again

Chase felt herself smirk at the thought, and then quickly looked away from him. He came up to her and called her love. She couldn't do this.. she couldn't do it.. it just wasn't possible. No, she couldn't do it! "Hey..." She said softly, staring off across the grounds, looking over the place she had come to love so dearly, a place she would be leaving soon. "I like the cold.." She said softly, her arms crossed over herself defensively. Don't fall for his charms Moor! He charmed you once, got you pregnant, then went off with other girls, you deserve better then the cheating scum next to you. An image of Adam popped into her head, but she pushed it aside, she needed to go for a while without a guy, especially after this fiasco.

"We need to talk Elijah.." She said softly, her eyes never looking at him, continually looking across the grounds of Hogwarts. She thought over her next words carefully, afraid to say them, but knowing it had to be done. "I don't think we should be together anymore." She said finally, her eyes flicking to him, and then back to the grounds at large, looking, but not seeing, listening hard for his reaction.

Chase’s words startled Elijah. His mind was brought to a jeering halt, the breaks screaming as metal on metal ground together. This didn’t happen, not to him, no. This was why he didn’t have girlfriends, this is why he got what he wanted and buggered off to the next one. The thought of being alone scared him stiff that’s why he kept people around him, that’s why he had recurring lovers and that’s why he always had to be in control of the situation. But no, once again he was at the mercy of someone else. Seven years down the line, twenty-six days before the event and it was happening again except this time it wasn’t a death.

He could always live without women, he didn’t need tem as long as he had his children but it didn’t matter what court he took her too or how many palms he greased, he wouldn’t get to keep his daughter or his son or whatever was in her womb. He was being chucked out of the house and the doors and windows were being shut. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to lose his child. He could feel her slipping through his fingers though as an ocean of distance was placed between himself and Chase. He couldn’t lose his daughter. But he was. He was, he was, he was. Why did he come? He knew something was wrong. She wouldn’t have bothered sending a letter she would have sought him out.

Elijah remained as composed as ever on the surface though but his calm demeanour was gaining cracks. He could feel stuttered words in the back of his throat, threatening to come to fruition. He had to claw back some self control and some control over the situation. He’d spread himself around as per usual, nothing had changed. He did love Chase but he was far too set in his ways. He loved her and he loved Kitty. Wasn’t his love enough?

What a foolish question. His love was the kiss of death. He loved Alice and that had gotten her killed. That was one count and it was all he needed to condemn himself. He hated himself more and more every day for her death. Chase was clawed from his heart with rusted pliers, leaving a larger gap than had been there before. She was going and so was Kitty without fail. Elijah was falling to pieces where he stood and the whispers of experimental drugs that ran around the rabbit warren of the Dungeons was becoming more and more arousing as the seconds ticked by. To escape again...what did that mean?

“Fine,” Elijah said curtly, finding his voice.

He was mentally pulling himself away. The child he’d handed Chase to, the part of his mind that was ready to let go, was screaming. He could see tears running down its face, his face. He felt sick and he paled considerably, cracks in the facade finally beginning to show. Elijah averted his eyes, dropping the cigarette and stamping it out. He crossed his arms over his chest and bit his lip. The love knot was redundant. His children would be disappointed yet again. Fauve had been so excited. To have a mother finally was so pleasing for her but it was being ripped away again. He wasn’t saying goodbye but he’d caused it. It was always him. It had always been about him.

His selfishness would be the death of him. It was always about him. He was self-involved so he could hide, hide from himself, hide from the crying child that had been scarred the night Alice had died. He hid from her, he hid from his sister. He hid from everyone yet he had the nerve to tell Amelia to let people in. He was a lying bastard. He’d always been a lying bastard and he always would be because he lied to everyone. The only person that had ever got close enough was Harry and Elijah had thrown him away before he could hurt him.

He loved Harry so much. He threw him away before something could happen to him.

He loved Fauve so much. He kept her because he was selfish.

He loved Thierry so much. He kept him because he was selfish.

He loved Chase. He loved Kitty. He loved his girls. He had no choice, though. She wanted to go. He had to let her.

“Don’t...” Elijah trailed off, finding no use in his words. He smiled grimly and looked at Chase, holding back the tears that were slipping from the subconscious child in his mind to him. He sighed. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t. Look after yourself, yeah?” Elijah dropped his arms and stepped forward. He halted abruptly, wondering if he should but pushed himself forward. He kissed Chase’s forehead and pulled back. He placed a hand on her stomach and felt the bump which was hidden from sight. Elijah dropped his hand and bit his lip, blinking away the rapidly appearing tears. He would throttle the child, the screaming version of himself that was having his things taken away from him. “Look after her...please?” he whispered.

Chase held firm, she could half hear him breaking, and it made the tears slowly slip down her cheeks, but she didn't look at him. Just a fine, that was it, she was leaving him, and it was just a fine. Her hands balled into fists at her sides. He had gotten her pregnant, gotten her messed up, made her lose all of her friends in the process, made her start over so that he could be the dad, and when she had enough of his cheating, and broke up with him, all he said was fine?! Chase found herself finally looking at him when he came to her and kissed her forehead. "That's it then? You're going to leave? And do what Elijah?" She asked suddenly, her voice deadly calm.

"You can still see her." She said suddenly, after his hand had slid from her stomach. "I won't take her away from you completely.... you can still see her... I just.. Elijah.." She said and then her voice cracked, and she turned away from him. "When I date people..." She said and then she stopped and cleared her throat, staring across the grounds again. "I was sitting on the grounds the other day... when a friend of mine came to me... a friend of mine who is currently, well, I'm not sure if they are together yet or not, but he is actually getting somewhere, with a girl named Amelia Lyons.. ever heard of her?" Chase asked, still not looking at him.

"I was sitting there, basking in the thought that we were together, happy with the knowledge that I would be yours... I was the only one who you found fit to stay with... because you loved me, and I loved you.." She folded her arms across her chest again and stopped, letting the chilling air hit her lungs with a few deep breaths before she went on. "But my friend came to me, and said that he had heard from Amelia, and others, that you had told Amelia... that you still liked her, that you were only with me because I was pregnant." At this point anger started to penetrate into her calm voice. "So after I cried, a lot, I started to ask around a bit... I don't know if anyone has told you this Krum, but when normal people date, they tend to stay with only one person during that period.." She said her eyes finally finding his. "They don't go off after every girl because they can... it makes the person they date start to think, are they with other people because of something I did? Am I broken? Or does he really just not care?" Chase was shaking now, the tears still falling, but her anger apparent.

"You can still see Kitty, when she's born. But I don't want you as her father Elijah. If she has to grow up without a father, then fine, I'll be a single mother... but I don't want someone who will teach her every bad thing in the world, things like cheating... drinking, smoking. I've quit.. I'm done.. I'm TIRED Elijah, I'm tired of lying to myself that everything is okay! I want YOU Elijah, and I want you to want me, and only me. Is it selfish that I want to be the only part of your life that makes you happy? Because obviously I'm not! You only want a kid.. you don't care about the part that most people involve into get it! So goodbye Elijah... I'm sorry... I'll let you be there when she's born... but after that I'm living with my maid in a small house outside of London.. I'll give you the address later." She said and then turned and walked away, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Get pissed, Elijah thought sarcastically. He understood how Rob felt now. The man had difficulties coming to terms with the fact that he wasn’t a big picture in his daughter’s life. At present he was barely anything in her life just the sperm donor and that’s what Elijah was being turned into. He could feel it happening to him as he stood there. That French prick would gladly take up the role the Bulgarian was being denied. The bastard would grin every second too just to make Elijah squirm.

Fine clearly wasn’t enough for Chase but what did she expect him to say? What did she expect him to do? She wanted to leave so fine, she could leave. Elijah wasn’t going to stop her if she really wanted to go. There were always going to be seasons of love. The leaves were falling off of the trees, mingling with the snow falling in flurries from the sky. Some people fell in love then, finding it romantic and such. For Elijah it only brought heartbreak and what do you know? The craftsmen were early. They weren’t welcome.

What was he going to do? It was an interesting thing to ask but he could live without her. He didn’t orbit her much to her obvious dismay. Perhaps he’d paint for a while or Floo to Camille’s château in Paris. The girls would be happy to see him. Fauve and Thierry, he hoped, would be happy to see him. He’d given them tutors and paid the Parisians handsomely to teach them. If Thierry’s letters were any indication then things were going well. He missed his babies dearly. Sod school. He didn’t need any of it anyway, as he’d repeatedly told Khaat.

“I’m going to go home.” He said simply as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I owe a few people some visits and I miss my children.”

His voice was clipped as if he didn’t want to share the information with her. He’d be in Camille’s bed for the month or fortnight or however long he chose to stay. Everyone in the studio block had been kicked out, him included. His things were in storage while Arnold collected himself and started getting bidders in for paintings. Cassidy would sooner castrate Elijah than let him share her bed. Camille wasn’t bothered because Elijah was a pretty decent hot water bottle, more convenient too.

“Yeah,” he said evasively, “We’ve conversed a few times.”

Yep and you pursued her, gifted her with things, explored her psych. Oh, while I remember...you were also bitten by the love bug! Half an hour with her and you came out of the Owlery besotted with her heels in your hands Nachash hissed into Elijah’s ear from the back of his neck. He shivered and crossed his arms back over his chest, stepping away from Chase. You knew you were wasting your time, Elijah... tsk, tsk. Now you’re losing your baby. Mummy will have to bail you out.

Elijah blanched. He’d have to tell Marina at some point. Maybe this was the best time to do so too.

“You cry over petty rumours, Chase?” Elijah drawled. Of course she cried. She cried about anything and everything. “You’re pushing yourself away from me – not the other way around – so don’t try and blame me! You didn’t even ask whether it was true or not did you? Your ‘friend’ is probably full of absolute bullshit. Also, may I add, everyone likes to distort the truth; they get a kick out of it. I’m no saint, more sinner than anything, but I’m better than you’re suggesting. You are hypocrite. You don’t even trust me yet you harp on about how you want just me or whatever. You cry, you sob, all of that crap. You’re absolutely full of it. You’re definitely more Slytherin than Hufflepuff.”

Drinking, smoking, cheating...yes because that’s definitely what you taught your children. Elijah was flabbergasted. He was a good father! He was a bad person but he did everything humanly possible for his children. It was difficult but he was disgusted with what Chase was implying. No, wait, what she was accusing. Elijah rounded on her when she walked past, wiping tears from her eyes yet again.

“And you’re oh so perfect are you? I don’t want someone around her that’ll teach her to whore herself around and cry and scream when she doesn’t get her own bloody way! I’ll be a single mother, blah, blah, blah. I’ll pretend I won’t be ridiculed by anyone with social standing, blah, blah, blah. I’ll pretend I’m little Miss Perfect and put Daddy down! What’re you going to say when she starts asking for me, huh? When she comes home crying because some little shit has been ribbing her for not having a dad? What’re you going to say? ‘That French prick is your father’? You can tell her whatever the hell you want but if you let that French bastard near my daughter and you won’t find a court anywhere on this planet that’ll convict me. I’ll kill him.”

Chase rounded on Elijah walked right up to him, and threw her hand up to slap him in the face. "You insolent little asshole! Petty rumors.. they are more then F*** petty rumors Elijah Krum. I know about you, I know about that busty chick down at Dufftown where you get all of your cigarettes. I know about her because I went there for something, and she couldn't stop talking about you Elijah Krum." She said pointing her finger into his chest. "You told me you love me Krum, you told me that, and what do you do to show it? Flirt with every girl you can so you can get CIGS?!" She turned around, pulling at her hair in anger as she walked a few steps away.

"You think the whole bloody world revolves around you! You and you're petty little life. I'll just go and sell more paintings, I'll go see my family. They don't deserve a little shit like you Krum! Fauve deserves a mother, a mother who cares about her, not a father who whores around with every woman he meets! She may not realize what you DO behind her back, but your son does!" She said stalking up to him again, tears of sorrow gone, tears of anger replacing. "I'll tell Kitty exactly what she needs to hear, that mommy and daddy didn't agree, because he was a lying." She reached up to slap him again. "Cheating." She pushed at his chest angrily. "BASTARD!" She spun around and stopped a few feet away. "I am not a piece of meet Elijah Krum. I am not a Slut, or a whore, I made a mistake with you. And now, we both have to deal with the fact that I'm pregnant! But she WON"T be your kid Krum! She'll be my daughter, and you won't see a wink of her if I have anything to say about it. And if you touch a HAIR on Adam's head....." She tried to think of something strong enough to do to him. "I don't even.. Don't you come near me Krum. I never want to see your ugly cheating face again." She said and stormed off again, hoping to get away this time.

If Elijah was going to be honest then he would have admitted that he didn’t want to bid Chase adieu. It was probably incredibly obvious that he didn’t want to lose either of the women but he had no choice. His hands were tied. He was up against a woman who’d already made her decision. She didn’t want anything to do with him. He knew he could probably change her opinion but he wanted her to come back to him if she wanted to. Elijah was sceptical though. She’d already left him. But he was as easy to throw away as his various conquests were. When they got over it they all realised he was a waste of time. Chase had discovered it already though as quick as ever.

Denial was a safety mechanism of his, as was adding another bottle to the wine rack. This was easy to ignore. He’d heard it all before. He knew what he was; he’d said it himself and heard it so many times before. To hear it from Chase’s mouth was disheartening. It wasn’t amusing to hear. It actually... hurt.The message was being driven home finally. He was a lying, cheating bastard. He couldn’t blame it on his upbringing. He couldn’t blame it on anyone but himself. He was a disaster inside out. It was a miracle he wasn’t dead by now too.

What did he have to live for? Maybe that was something he should have explored with Dr. Lestrange. Why was he on this planet if not to make everyone else’s lives a misery? He was there to suffer he suspected. God and Merlin were conspirators and they both hated him. Perhaps the world would have been better off if he’d been groomed into the son he was supposed to be. He’d be his mother’s dog, Mira’s fiancé and Alice...she’d be alive. Elijah bit his lip. She’d be alive.

“I’ll miss you too,” He muttered, looking away. He looked out onto the lake and his gaze landed on a group of First Years playing with the Squid. Elijah sighed and glanced back at Chase’s retreating figure before wrapping his arms around himself. He took the packet of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and turned them over in his hand. He looked at the picture on the front, one that was supposed deter smokers and he stared at the lungs that had been destroyed by the chemicals. Elijah bit his lip hard and looked over the lake again. He took a couple of steps back before striding forward and throwing the packet. He watched it sail through the air and a tentacle reached up out of the water, catching it in midair. The Squid disappeared again and Elijah let out a sigh of relief. They were gone again. Perhaps this time he’d show some willpower.